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In Sermon Illustrations: "jokes"

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  • Death And Taxes Tax His Cow, Tax His Goat, Tax ...

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Apr 12, 2007
     | 2,937 views

    "Death and Taxes Tax his cow, tax his goat, Tax his pants, tax his coat, Tax his crops, tax his work, Tax his tie, tax his shirt, Tax his chew, tax his smoke; Teach him taxes are no joke.Tax his tractor, tax his mule, Teach him taxes are a rule, Tax his oil, tax his gas, Tax his notes, tax his ...read more

  • Being Wanted  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jul 23, 2008
    based on 6 ratings
     | 2,916 views

    BEING WANTED I heard of a story this week that really moved me deep. It’s a story of a black girl who had cleft palate (bungi). She was the butt of jokes and was very unhappy. They called her names – ugly names that just drove her deeper into despair. Most people made no attention to her except ...read more

  • The Cover Story Of Time Magazine Once Featured ...

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 18, 2007
     | 1,538 views

    The cover story of Time magazine once featured actor Peter Sellers (Mar 3, 1980). Appearing on The Muppet Show, he was told by Kermit the Frog that it was all right to "just relax and be yourself.’ To which Sellers replied, "I could never be myself. You see, there is no me. I do not exist." ...read more

  • Take The Poison

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 18, 2007
     | 3,058 views

    Joke- Take the Poison A man goes to see the Pastor. "Pastor, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Pastor asked, "What’s wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Pastor, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I’m ...read more

  • The Story Is Told Of A Student Taking An Exam, ...

    Contributed by Austin Mansfield on Oct 3, 2007
     | 1,579 views

    The story is told of a student taking an exam, who had studied hard and knew all the material, so he breezed through the first nine questions. When he got to the last question, however, he was stuck. It read, “What is the first name of the woman who cleans this school?” He figured it was some kind ...read more

  • When You Watch Your Television, Christ-Follower, ...

    Contributed by Clark Tanner on Jul 22, 2009
     | 1,584 views

    When you watch your television, Christ-follower, and see a comedian making lewd and bitter jokes about Jesus and His people, or you watch portions of a video put out by an openly homosexual man, calling a young girl all kinds of filthy and vicious names because of her stand on Christian principles, ...read more

  • The Story Behind The Establishment Of The ...  PRO

    Contributed by Suresh Manoharan on Dec 11, 2011
    based on 2 ratings
     | 2,337 views

    The story behind the establishment of the original Waldorf Astoria Hotel in New York. Story time, folks! But this is no run of the mill, bed time story to lull you to sleep, instead it is a true account guaranteed to stir one’s soul. You may have heard it before, however it always brings a tear to ...read more

  • The Fine Art Of Doing Nothing  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 26, 2002
    based on 43 ratings
     | 2,529 views

    The Fine Art of Doing Nothing The sign on the stage proclaimed: "The Motionless Man: Make Him Laugh. Win $100." The temptation was irresistible. For three hours boys and girls, men and women, performed every antic and told every joke they knew. But Bill Fuqua, the Motionless Man, stood perfectly ...read more

  • Every Methodist Pastor Of The Last 250 Years Has ...  PRO

    Contributed by Brian William on Oct 1, 2002
    based on 12 ratings
     | 2,642 views

    Every Methodist pastor of the last 250 years has answered the same set of 17 questions – questions that John Wesley himself asked of all his ministers. They range from the most basic and fundamental issues of Christianity: “Have you faith in Christ” to the complicated: “Have you studied the ...read more

  • A Little Boy Always Went Next Door To Play Even ...  PRO

    Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Sep 11, 2006
    based on 3 ratings
     | 2,317 views

    A little boy always went next door to play even though his mom had warned him against doing so. This worried his mom so badly that she asked him why he was so disobedient. He replied that Satan tempted him so bad and he did not know what to do. ? ? His mom then advised him to say ’get ...read more

  • The Charter Flight

    Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Feb 22, 2010
     | 2,103 views

    THE CHARTER FLIGHT With his request approved, the CNN News cameraman quickly used his cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He ...read more

  • The Trouble Telescope  PRO

    Contributed by Perry Greene on May 8, 2013
    based on 3 ratings
     | 4,386 views

    THE TROUBLE TELESCOPE Most of you have seen the wonderful images from the Hubble Space Telescope. From the far reaches of space, we're able to see God's most breathtaking creations. Do you remember that in the beginning the Hubble Space Telescope was not the wonderful machine that it is today. ...read more

  • Telemarketer

    Contributed by Davon Huss on Mar 6, 2017
    based on 1 rating
     | 6,172 views

    Here’s a story from a telemarketer: “The other day I called a house and a real nice lady answered the phone, she was really helpful and friendly, she was the type of lady that helps a telemarketer get through a long day. After some pleasantries I asked if Mr. Smith was in, “I’m sorry”, she ...read more

  • Christmas Present Unrealized

    Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Nov 25, 2019
     | 3,158 views

    This is a true story. Freddie and John were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Chelsea soccer in the UK. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (B14) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have ...read more

  • Sometimes People Think God Does Not Know What ...

    Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Apr 21, 2008
     | 2,562 views

    Sometimes people think God does not know what they are thinking. But He knows that some people are just "using" God, but they really detest Him. At a tea for officers and their wives, the commanding general of a base delivered a seemingly endless oration. A young lieutenant grumbled to the woman ...read more

  • The Authority Of Jesus

    Contributed by Peter Loughman on Nov 18, 2007
    based on 1 rating
     | 4,215 views

    The Authority of Jesus Years ago I was on a trip to Israel with my seminary. We were taking a tour of Jerusalem and the church of the Holy Sepulcher. As we walked through the section controlled by the Ethiopian Orthodox, the monks ignored us, it was as if we didn’t exist. Then our professor told ...read more

  • The Young Boy Said, "Daddy, If Three Frogs Are ...

    Contributed by Glenn Durham on Mar 5, 2008
     | 1,341 views

    The young boy said, “Daddy, if three frogs are sitting on a limb hanging over a pool, and one frog decides to jump, how many frogs are left on the limb?” His dad replied, “Two.” “No,” the son said. “Listen carefully, daddy. There are three frogs and one decides to jump. How many are left?” ...read more

  • Buried With A Fire Extinguisher!

    Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Jun 6, 2022
     | 1,310 views

    An interesting newspaper clipping from 1999 told of a British man who was quite a character. Two or three days AFTER his funeral his friends started getting signed postcards from him. The cards said "wish you were here" and were addressed from ...read more

  • More Than The Pope

    Contributed by Alison Bucklin on Sep 6, 2023
     | 711 views

    There’s a joke about the Pope coming to visit New York. His entourage had ordered a stretch limo for him. As he approached, they held the rear door open for him, but the Pontiff said that it had always been an ambition of his to drive in New York himself. So he got into the front seat, and ...read more

  • Are We Hypocrites?

    Contributed by John Bright on Feb 13, 2025
     | 94 views

    I once saw a video of a pastor who had figures, covered with sheets, up in the front of the church. As he started to preach, they were uncovered and you could see monsters and scary characters related to Halloween. The preacher kept asking, “Should these be in the House of God?” The congregation ...read more