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In Sermon Illustrations: "Pastor Jokes"

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  • "David Had Eight Wives, Including Maacah, The...

    Contributed by Ed Vasicek on May 12, 2008
     | 2,175 views

    "David had eight wives, including Maacah, the daughter of a king who ruled over the tiny nation of Geshur (2 Samuel 3:3). In the Psalms, we read about David’s struggles with God as his son was pursuing him, trying to kill him to steal his throne. But how did Maacah feel about this? Was she ...read more

  • Keeping The Aquarium

    Contributed by Matthew Kratz on May 18, 2008
    based on 1 rating
     | 2,245 views

    KEEPING THE AQUARIUM "With all our education, our fine buildings, our image of the church, we are doing less to win people to Christ than our unschooled forefathers did. We're no longer fishers of men, but keepers of the aquarium, and we spend most of our time swiping fish from each other's bowl." ...read more

  • Longfellow Could Take A Worthless Piece Of ...

    Contributed by Dave Kinney on Nov 9, 2008
    based on 2 ratings
     | 3,555 views

    Longfellow could take a worthless piece of paper, write a poem on it, and instantly make it worth 1000’s of dollars – and we call this genius! Rockefeller could sign his name on a piece of paper and make it worth millions of dollars – and we call this riches! An artist can take the courses ...read more

  • On January 31, 2007, Fire Destroyed Trinity ...

    Contributed by Charles Wallis on Feb 8, 2009
     | 2,570 views

    "On January 31, 2007, fire destroyed Trinity Fellowship’s (AG)sanctuary in Fayetteville, Arkansas. What could have been major setback turned into opportunity for God to reveal His faithfulness and power to provide. Senior Pastor Darren Rogers says throughout two-year fund raising and rebuilding ...read more

  • He Gave The ...

    Contributed by Donnie Martin on May 24, 2010
     | 2,502 views

    He GAVE the Blood! Ed Freeman, quoting Herb Cain, told in the San Francisco Chronicle about a poster for a blood bank. The poster read, “Be a volunteer Blood Donor.” Someone had wisely printed on the poster these words: “That’s the best kind.” If someone is taking your blood, and you are not a ...read more

  • A Few Need To ...

    Contributed by Larry Wilson on Aug 7, 2010
     | 1,956 views

    A Few Need to Die Warren Wiersbe, Be Strong. (p. 30) It is unfortunate but true that sometimes the only way a ministry can move forward is by conducting a few funerals. A pastor friend of mine pleaded with his church board to build a new educational [building] to house an exploding Sunday ...read more

  • I Don't Want To Be One!

    Contributed by Christopher Gregas on Sep 8, 2012
     | 2,829 views

    I DON'T WANT TO BE ONE! There was a pastor that was giving a "children’s sermon" to all the young children. And as they sate before him, a bright-eyed three-year-old girl listened intently as he explained that God wanted them all to get along and love each other. "God wants us all to be one," he ...read more

  • Jesus Is The Gospel.

    Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on May 19, 2016
     | 7,277 views

    JESUS IS THE GOSPEL. "Fundamentally, our Lord’s message was Himself. He did not come merely to preach a Gospel; He himself is that Gospel. He did not come merely to give bread; He said, "I am the bread." He did not come merely to shed light; He said, "I am the light." He did not come merely to ...read more

  • A Painless Way To Give In Church

    Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 20, 2019
    based on 1 rating
     | 2,707 views

    Having a little trouble with giving at the church? Maybe we could all learn a little lesson from the old country preacher who told everyone to stand up at the beginning of the offering. He then instructed everyone to lean forward to the person standing in front of them and grab their purse or ...read more

  • A Prerequisite To Forgiveness

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Dec 31, 2022
     | 1,262 views

    A pastor finished his message early one Sunday and he wanted to check his congregation’s understanding. So he asked, “Can anyone tell me what you must do before you can obtain forgiveness of sin?” There was a short pause and then, from the back of the room, a small boy spoke up, “You have to ...read more

  • The Real Mccoy

    Contributed by Revd. Martin Dale on Jul 18, 2010
    based on 1 rating
     | 7,411 views

    THE REAL MCCOY It was about a seventy-two-year-old Baptist preacher names Charles McCoy. McCoy was pastoring a Baptist church in Oyster Bay, New York, when at age seventy-two he was told by his denomination to retire. A lifelong bachelor, he had cared for his mother for as long as she lived. ...read more

  • What Did We Know Before Facebook?

    Contributed by James Snyder on Jan 25, 2020
     | 1,797 views

    To paraphrase one of my favorite humorist, Will Rogers, “All I know is what I read on Facebook.” I must admit that I also get information from Facebook. I can keep up with my family and friends, know what they are doing, and know what they are saying. The information there, whether true or not, is ...read more

  • Bad Day

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jul 23, 2008
    based on 1 rating
     | 4,963 views

    BAD DAY Brian Hise has had his share of bad stuff happen to him. In just a short time -- one day in July -- his apartment in Provo, Utah apartment became flooded because of an upstairs neighbor’s broken pipe. The manager instructed him to go out and rent a wet/dry vacuum. When he went out to his ...read more

  • Dying For Someone Like That

    Contributed by Curry Pikkaart on Aug 12, 2011
     | 2,518 views

    DYING FOR SOMEONE LIKE THAT During the war in Vietnam, a young West Point graduate was sent over to lead a group of new recruits into battle. He did his job well, trying his best to keep his recruits from ambush and death. But one night, when they had been under attack, he was unable to get one of ...read more

  • Loving Neighbour

    Contributed by Don Berry-Graham on Feb 29, 2016
     | 3,834 views

    A Little Pointer on Keeping a Balance Here’s a little bonus tip that I’ve found helpful to keep my wits about me as I live next to these wild Vikings we call sinners, pagans, and wacko unbelievers while keeping my vertical relationship with God strong. It’s called “whimsical holiness,” which is ...read more

  • As If I Didn’t Already Know

    Contributed by James Snyder on Oct 12, 2024
     | 317 views

    I've been accused of many things throughout my life, but never having a great memory. It's not that I don't try to remember things; I can't remember things I'm supposed to remember. It has nothing to do with my age because it started as far back as I can remember. This ...read more

  • As I Look Ahead, Far Ahead, Two To Three Years ...  PRO

    Contributed by Tony Miano on Mar 10, 2001
    based on 162 ratings
     | 2,916 views

    "As I look ahead, far ahead, two to three years down the road, I do see God doing it, even though I may not know all of the details today. That’s what vision is. Vision is not a crystal ball or hearing audible voices. It is the belief in one’s heart that God is going to do something that is ...read more

  • A Good Cup Of Coffee  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Aug 25, 2002
    based on 18 ratings
     | 3,478 views

    A GOOD CUP OF COFFEE This little grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are the ...read more

  • Don't Write Or Say Anything That You Won't Sign ...  PRO

    Contributed by Donnie Martin on Oct 26, 2002
    based on 5 ratings
     | 1,179 views

    Don’t write or say anything that you won’t sign your name to. If you receive a negative, anonymous note, ignore it! If they’re not willing to sign their name, it’s not worth reading. Don’t take heed to it. Like the pastor who received an anonymous note with nothing but the word “FOOL!” written on ...read more

  • Have You Been Good?  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Dec 2, 2002
    based on 60 ratings
     | 2,962 views

    My pastor friend, Danny Moss, recent- ly told about the time he ’played Santa’ in a mall in Meridian, MS. Danny said he had children come through with up to thirty things on their ’want list.’ But one small boy really got his attention. Danny said, "I asked him if he’d been a good boy?" It’s a ...read more