The Heart Of Healthy Wife Series

The point is… women have the ability to change men for the better. And… there are a couple ways of doing that.

1. In an UNHEALTHY marriage, women tend to think that the best way to change their husbands is to nag and quarrel with them. Proverbs 21:9 says “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” Proverbs 21:19 tells us that it is “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.” And Proverbs 27:15 declares that “A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.

Now why would a woman be contentious, quarrelsome and nagging? Well - her husband won’t do what she wants him to do (and knows is the best course). She wants him to change, but he won’t listen to reason. And so she’s frustrated with him. That leads her to contend with him, quarrel with him, and nag him.

SOMETIMES that works. But, how WELL does that work? Well, not real well. But it’s all the woman knows, and so that’s what she does. And the marriage becomes a harsh atmosphere where no one is particularly happy.

By contrast -- God tells us that a HEALTHY wife doesn’t do that. She’s not prone to contending, quarreling and nagging. 1 Peter 3:1-2 tells us that healthy wives can even win their non-Christian husbands to Jesus. “even if some (husbands) do not obey the word, they may be won WITHOUT A WORD by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”

Instead of being combative, God says wives should “let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a GENTLE AND QUIET SPIRIT, which in God’s sight is very precious.” I Peter 3:4

Now HOW would a woman be able to be quiet and gentle when their men aren’t doing what they should? Well, 1 Peter 3:5 says “this is how the holy women who HOPED IN GOD used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands.” Healthy wives put their hope in God and trust God.

ILLUS: A member of our congregation shared how (in the early part of her marriage) her husband's use of credit cards was becoming an issue. They were sliding further into debt and she began to quarrel and nag him about it. But nothing changed. Then she decided to pray rather than quarrel. A couple weeks later her husband stood up in front of the congregation and cut up their credit cards.

Sen a woman does it this way (and avoids the confrontational, nagging approach) she can shape her husband through love.

ILLUS: Now, I’m going to give you a “backward” example of this. Years ago a wise Elder in Ft. Wayne (Indiana) sat down with a few of us preachers and gave us this warning: “Be careful about being alone with a woman.” He talked about a few preachers who’d run off with the Church secretary or church organist and had ruined their ministry, their marriage and their families. Often with women who were not nearly as attractive as the wives they left. After a couple of years had passed the preachers discovered that the new woman they’d left with wasn’t that much different than the one they’d left behind.