OPEN: A 2 year old girl had a fascination with the story of “Cinderella.” One day, when the girl came across a photo of her mother and father on their wedding day, she got all excited. “Mommy got married just like Cinderella!” “Yes honey,” the mother answered. “just like Cinderella.” Then there was a long pause as the little girl looked intently at the picture. “But Mommy, you didn’t marry a prince. You married Daddy.”
Even a little girl recognized that her daddy wasn’t a prince. He was just daddy.
While the prince in the Cinderella story was a dream come true, most MEN aren’t. They are NOT dreams come true… they’re just men. They have weaknesses and shortcomings just like everyone else. They make mistakes and they forget things, and they even do foolish and even hurtful things on occasion. Of course, women are the same as men in that… they have their problems too.
And because both men and women have shortcomings you’ll hear some men will say: “My wife don’t deserve to be loved like the Bible says. My wife does this wrong… or THAT wrong. And I’ll love her when she straightens up and behaves as she should.”
In the same way, women will look at a passage like ours today and they’ll say “Be subject to my husband? I don’t think so! He certainly doesn’t deserve to be treated THAT way.”
Now, why do I tell you that? I tell you that because… folks too often have the false impression that God is telling women what their husbands should be like, and telling men what their wives should be like. ACTUALLY, that's not true. Instead, God tells men what THEY should be like no matter what their wives do. And He tells women what THEY should be like no matter what their husbands do.
Last week we focused on what men should strive to be like. They should love and protect their wives, and they should view their wives as a special creation, a gift from God. That’s what a healthy husband should look like. No matter what his wife is like, that is what a healthy husband should do.
Now, this Sunday we’re looking at what the Bible says about a healthy wife. And once again, it doesn’t matter what a husband is like, this is what healthy wife should DO. And our passage starts out this way I Peter 3:1 where it says: “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives”
Be SUBJECT to your husband? Seriously? That doesn’t set well with some women, and this “submitting thing” makes this a hard passage to get up any enthusiasm for. And yet… this passage is very clear that that:
Wives should “let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by SUBMITTING to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. I Peter 3:4-6
YEP… that’s not a real popular idea these days. And yet, God is saying: “This is the kind of behavior I desire in heathy wives.”
Now, this passage describes a woman --- who pleases God. And it says a woman who pleases God should submit/ and be subject to her husband. So, the key question is this: What does that mean? What does it mean to “be subject” to a husband?
Well according to my Greek Lexicon (dictionary): “Subjection is a translation of the Greek word “hupotasso.” “Hupotasso” is a Greek military word meaning “to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader". In non-military use, it was "a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden". The Greek word “hupo-tasso” is made up of two words: “Hupo” means “under”; “Tasso” means “authority”.
Well that’s NOT going to make us real popular with the feminists. But whether anyone likes it or not, that’s what the word means. It means to allow yourself to be under authority.
For example, when Jesus was 12 years old, He disappeared for a bit. His family found him in the Temple – listening to and asking questions of teachers. And when Mary and Joseph found Him, they took Him home, and we’re told… “He went down with them and came to Nazareth and was SUBMISSIVE to them.” (Luke 2:51) Jesus was God in the flesh… and yet he allowed himself to be under Mary and Joseph’s authority.
In another passage, Titus was told to “Remind (the Christians he served) to be SUBMISSIVE to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work.” (Titus 3:1) We are to be submissive (under the authority of) our rulers.
And then in I Peter 3:21-22 we’re told that “Baptism, which corresponds to (Noah’s flood), now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at the right hand of God, with angels, authorities, and powers having been SUBJECTED to him.” Everything in heaven is in submission to Jesus. All of heaven is under the authority of Jesus.
So, repeatedly in Scripture, “subjection/submission” means to allow yourself to be put under the authority of someone or something else. It’s a VOLUNTARY decision on the part of (in this case) women, to allow their husbands to have authority in the home. Allowing them to make the decisions and set the tone for the family
Now, what does that mean? Well, let me lay some groundwork first. In Genesis 2:18 it says “the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." As I said last week - after God created Adam, He knew that man was incomplete. God said “It’s not good for the man to be alone” Eve completed Adam. She was created BY GOD to be what Adam was not. She had qualities that Adam NEEDED in his life. She was not created to be Adam’s slave or servant. Instead, God took a rib from Adam’s side to show that Eve should walk beside him, and be his partner in life.
Now, what does it mean that she was Adam’s “HELPER”? What did she supply that Adam lacked?
ILLUS: According to one expert, women improve men in several ways: 1. One of women’s strengths is their ability to sympathize: Women say things like: “That must have hard for you seeing your friend get the promotion instead of you—how do you feel about it?” It may not seem like much, but in a world that can be cold and unforgiving, the compassion and understanding of wives can make a huge difference. 2. Women have a civilizing influence on their husbands: Due to their nest-feathering instincts, women strategically place pillows, search for thick, absorbent bath towels, and not only USE sheets but they change them regularly.
But more than that, most wives tend to influence their husband’s better instincts. Before marriage, men can be fairly irresponsible. They tend to focus on partying and dangerous activities. But once they get married … that tends to change. (msn.com 11/21/07 Nina Malkin)
ILLUS: For example: A study reported in American Journal of Psychiatry in 2016 looked at the medical background of 3 million Swedes, and found that “married men…had a 60% lower risk for onset of alcohol (abuse) compared with individuals who remained single.” According to CBS, the results were even more pronounced for people who had a family history of alcoholism. The study credited “… spousal interactions” as well as “the psychological and social aspects of marriage (http://www.foxnews.com/health/2016/05/18/what-marriage-can-do-to-your-drinking-habits.html?intcmp=hpffo&intcmp=obnetwork)
The point is… women have the ability to change men for the better. And… there are a couple ways of doing that.
1. In an UNHEALTHY marriage, women tend to think that the best way to change their husbands is to nag and quarrel with them. Proverbs 21:9 says “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” Proverbs 21:19 tells us that it is “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.” And Proverbs 27:15 declares that “A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
Now why would a woman be contentious, quarrelsome and nagging? Well - her husband won’t do what she wants him to do (and knows is the best course). She wants him to change, but he won’t listen to reason. And so she’s frustrated with him. That leads her to contend with him, quarrel with him, and nag him.
SOMETIMES that works. But, how WELL does that work? Well, not real well. But it’s all the woman knows, and so that’s what she does. And the marriage becomes a harsh atmosphere where no one is particularly happy.
By contrast -- God tells us that a HEALTHY wife doesn’t do that. She’s not prone to contending, quarreling and nagging. 1 Peter 3:1-2 tells us that healthy wives can even win their non-Christian husbands to Jesus. “even if some (husbands) do not obey the word, they may be won WITHOUT A WORD by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
Instead of being combative, God says wives should “let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a GENTLE AND QUIET SPIRIT, which in God’s sight is very precious.” I Peter 3:4
Now HOW would a woman be able to be quiet and gentle when their men aren’t doing what they should? Well, 1 Peter 3:5 says “this is how the holy women who HOPED IN GOD used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands.” Healthy wives put their hope in God and trust God.
ILLUS: A member of our congregation shared how (in the early part of her marriage) her husband's use of credit cards was becoming an issue. They were sliding further into debt and she began to quarrel and nag him about it. But nothing changed. Then she decided to pray rather than quarrel. A couple weeks later her husband stood up in front of the congregation and cut up their credit cards.
Sen a woman does it this way (and avoids the confrontational, nagging approach) she can shape her husband through love.
ILLUS: Now, I’m going to give you a “backward” example of this. Years ago a wise Elder in Ft. Wayne (Indiana) sat down with a few of us preachers and gave us this warning: “Be careful about being alone with a woman.” He talked about a few preachers who’d run off with the Church secretary or church organist and had ruined their ministry, their marriage and their families. Often with women who were not nearly as attractive as the wives they left. After a couple of years had passed the preachers discovered that the new woman they’d left with wasn’t that much different than the one they’d left behind.
But how had that happened (the Elder asked)? It often went like this: the preacher would be in study working on his sermon. The church secretary would come in and do something that needed done and he appreciated that, and he complimented her. The next day the secretary came into the office again and did something else that the preacher wanted done… and he thanked her again. This would happen several times of the next few weeks, and the woman began to think: “If only my husband appreciated me like this man does, I could be truly happy. And the man thinks, “If my wife treated me that way at home, I could be truly happy.” And eventually, the two fell into … “love” and ran off together.
Now, here’s my point: This preacher sacrificed everything for a woman who had shown him attention (with no quarreling, contending, or nagging), and he ended up running off with a woman who often wasn’t as pretty as his own wife. Now, think about this: What do you think that preacher would have done for his WIFE, if she’d treated him like that church secretary had? That’s what I Peter 3 is talking about – a wife that has the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit and who voluntarily served under her husband’s authority could often have anything she wanted. Especially his willingness to abandon anything else that mattered to him.
Now a couple more points… and then we’ll close.
I want to repeat: Paul says the wife should be submissive. But, what about a situation where a husband is abusive? Is a woman bound to SUBMIT and stay with him even if her life is in danger? Unfortunately, that happens way too often. So, what does the Bible say about that?
Well, back in the OT there’s a story about a young man named David, and a King named Saul. Saul was King and David was expected to be SUBMISSIVE to the King. Saul had become a BAD King who’d turned his back on God, and over time he became resentful and jealous of David’s abilities and became convinced that God was grooming David to be the next King.
It wasn’t long before Saul became ABUSIVE of David… Saul even tried to kill him. But, this was the King. David was under Saul’s authority. What was David to do? Well, he ran away, and he never returned to Saul’s house. What’s interesting is that twice David had the opportunity to kill Saul, but he refused “I shall not touch the Lord’s anointed.” Thus, David had run away from an abusive relationship, but he still refused to harm the man who was in authority over him.
The principle is the same for an abused wife. She can Biblically leave an abusive husband, and she can still be SUBMISSIVE by refusing to take revenge on the hurtful man she’s left.
Now… one last thing. The idea of a woman being submissive to her husband is often seen as degrading, but that’s NOT the way God sees it. In the verses leading up to our text we read this: “Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. Likewise, wives (just Like Jesus), be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives” I Peter 2:21-3:1
In other words, a submissive wife is a SERMON about Jesus. Notice the word “LIKEWISE” - just like Jesus! Just like Jesus, a wife should be trusting God enough to submit, and that becomes such a powerful witness that even non-Christian husbands can be won through her behavior.
Why did Jesus submit? He submitted (even unto to death) to win us and strengthen us. Wives submit to their husbands to win them (to Jesus) and strengthen them. And husbands submit to their wives by loving them, and thus focusing on winning them (to Jesus) and strengthen them.
Christianity is ALL about submitting to each other. Wives… are to submit their husbands; Husbands… are to submit their wives; Jesus submits to us. And all Christians submit in service… to others.
Jesus once told His disciples: "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came NOT TO BE SERVED but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Matthew 20:25-28
INVITATION
