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In Sermon Illustrations: "Preacher Jokes"

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  • Enormously Gorgeous  PRO

    Contributed by Bobby Scobey on May 22, 2007
    based on 3 ratings
     | 662 views

    ENORMOUSLY GORGEOUS My dad says I am ENORMOUSLY GORGEOUS. I wonder if I really am. To be ENORMOUSLY GORGEOUS... Sarah says you need to have beautiful, long, curly hair like she has. I don’t. To be ENORMOUSLY GORGEOUS... Justin says you must have perfectly straight white teeth like he has. I ...read more

  • Admirer Or Follower?  PRO

    Contributed by Ty Tamasaka on Jul 19, 2011
    based on 4 ratings
     | 5,409 views

    ADMIRER OR FOLLOWER? Recently I heard that in Scotland, a voluntary survey was given to law enforcement officers of their religious affiliations. That may not sound very interesting, but what caught my attention was that 8 of the officers claimed their religious affiliation to be "Jedi". I ...read more

  • I'd Rather See A Sermon Than Hear One Any Day; ...  PRO

    Contributed by Owen Bourgaize on Jun 30, 2001
    based on 63 ratings
     | 4,425 views

    "I’d rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I’d rather one would walk with me than merely show the way. The eye’s a better pupil and more willing than the ear; Fine counsel is confusing but example’s always clear. And the best of all the preachers are the ones who live their creeds, For to ...read more

  • The Consummate Storyteller Charles Swindoll Says ...  PRO

    Contributed by John Hamby on Jul 24, 2001
    based on 51 ratings
     | 2,302 views

    The consummate storyteller Charles Swindoll says “ If the same thing happened to sleepers today, every church would have to build a morgue in the basement. There isn’t an experienced preacher who hasn’t faced the most incredible (sometimes hilarious ) slumbering saints in the pew. I’ve seen them ...read more

  • A Hurricane Was Coming. All The People, Family ...  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Mar 10, 2002
    based on 63 ratings
     | 1,744 views

    A hurricane was coming. All the people, family and those working on the farm that day, had hurried into the shelter. They were huddled together in a dark hurricane shelter with the winds howling and rattling the only door that everybody could see in the front of the shelter. The wind was blowing ...read more

  • D.l. Moody Had A Keen Memory For Names And Faces. ...

    Contributed by Donnie Martin on May 9, 2002
     | 1,728 views

    D.L. Moody had a keen memory for names and faces. If one of his children was missing from Sunday school, he knew it, and he would do everything possible to find out why. One day he saw an absentee coming down the street, so he took off after her. She ran down the sidewalk, across the street, and ...read more

  • My Father Grew Up During The "Great Depression," ...  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jan 8, 2003
    based on 8 ratings
     | 2,813 views

    My father grew up during the “Great Depression,” and he remembered a peddler lady who would visit their home from time to time. She carried a large backpack containing household goods, small clothing items, and other merchandise. She would spread her wares on the livingroom floor, and my grandma ...read more

  • More Than 100 Years Ago, A Soul-Winning Training ...  PRO

    Contributed by James O. Davis on Oct 28, 2003
    based on 7 ratings
     | 3,529 views

    More than 100 years ago, a soul-winning training conference was being held in the City of Indianapolis. While the preacher and parishioners inside the auditorium were learning how to the reach the masses, an evangelist outside on a street corner was preaching the good news. He preached under the ...read more

  • Clinical Psychologist J. Kirk Felsman Of The ...

    Contributed by Michael Mccartney on Jan 30, 2004
     | 1,938 views

    1. Clinical psychologist J. Kirk Felsman of the Dartmouth Medical School analyzed a study of 456 Boston boys. In the study, a boy named Bill was asked why, unlike many other boys in his neighborhood, he did not steal. Bill said, "I don’t have to steal. I can earn what I need." At age nine, he ...read more

  • Top Ten Indications That Your Worship Service ...  PRO

    Contributed by Chip Monck on Feb 15, 2005
    based on 11 ratings
     | 2,107 views

    Top Ten Indications That Your Worship Service Might Be a Bit Too Relaxed: 10. The choir wears bath robes and bunny slippers! 9. Every prayer ends with "Yeah, God, You be the Man!" 8. The church just replaced their old pew bibles with the ABV (Authorized Barney Version)! 7. The ...read more

  • We Cannot All…

    Contributed by Paul Humphrey on Mar 19, 2006
    based on 1 rating
     | 1,382 views

    We cannot all be heroes, And thrill a hemisphere With some great daring venture, Some deed that mocks at fear; But we can fill a life time With kindly acts and true; There’s always noble service For noble hearts to do. We cannot all be preachers, And sway with voice and pen, As strong winds sway ...read more

  • Have You Heard That Story Of The Guy Who Died ...  PRO

    Contributed by Timothy Smith on May 9, 2006
    based on 16 ratings
     | 2,636 views

    Have you heard that story of the guy who died and was being given a tour of heaven and he saw a friend of his drive by in a beautiful Mercedes. And he said, "Boy, this is great!" "Oh, yes," St. Peter said, "your friend was really generous on earth, we had a lot to work with. Your transportation up ...read more

  • When Your Own Faithlessness And Distrust Of God ...

    Contributed by Donnie Martin on Jun 19, 2004
    based on 1 rating
     | 2,041 views

    When your own faithlessness and distrust of God has gotten you in a mess, donâ't start blaming the preacher, or other saints. Lay the blame where it belongs, on your on shoulders. It is said that when the British and French were fighting in Canada in the 1750s, Admiral Phipps, commander of the ...read more

  • Who Is Best Among ...

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Mar 13, 2009
     | 3,251 views

    WHO IS BEST AMONG YOU A Baptist minister was continually bragging to his other minister friends about the greatness of his church. No matter what they said, he always found a way to claim that the Baptists were better. Eventually his friends got tired of this, and decided to play a prank on the ...read more

  • The Bible Found Me  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jul 13, 2009
    based on 3 ratings
     | 3,863 views

    THE BIBLE FOUND ME Campell Morgan had already enjoyed some success as a preacher by the time he was 19 years old. But then he was attacked by doubts about the Bible. The writings of various scientists disturbed him. As he read their books and listened to their debates he became more and more ...read more

  • Spurgeon On Truth

    Contributed by C Vincent on Sep 21, 2009
     | 4,234 views

    SPURGEON ON TRUTH Spurgeon quote: "We are one in Christ; let us be friends with one another; but let us never be friends with one another’s error. If I be wrong, rebuke me sternly; I can bear it, and bear it cheerfully and if ye be wrong, expect the like measure from me, and neither peace nor ...read more

  • John Wesley Sells Painting To Meet Someone's ...

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Feb 6, 2010
     | 4,764 views

    John Wesley Sells Painting to Meet Someone’s Need The story is told of the famed evangelist and preacher, John Wesley, who, one winter day, met a poor girl in one of the schools under his care. She seemed almost frozen. He asked her if she had no clothing but the thin garments she was wearing. She ...read more

  • The Sounds Of Approaching Bagpipes Signaled ...

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Aug 2, 2010
     | 2,945 views

    The Sounds of Approaching Bagpipes Signaled Deliverance The Congregational preacher of old, D.L. Moody, tells the story of an incident that occurred during the last mutiny on the land of India, while under British control. The English were besieged in the city of Lucknow, and were in momentary ...read more

  • A Savior, Not An Example

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 12, 2011
     | 5,853 views

    A SAVIOR, NOT AN EXAMPLE D.M. Stearns was preaching in Philadelphia. At the close of the service a stranger came up to him and said, "I don’t like the way you spoke about the cross. I think that instead of emphasizing the death of Christ, it would be far better to preach Jesus, the teacher and ...read more

  • What Commitment?

    Contributed by Tim Smith on Jul 1, 2012
     | 4,548 views

    WHAT COMMITMENT? When I was in my first year of ministry, I walked into our District preachers meeting at the same time as Bobbie Potter, who was pastor of Munholland UMC in Old Metairie. He asked if I preach last Sunday which I did. Then he asked, "What did you ask them to commit to?" I said I ...read more