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In Sermon Illustrations: "Ill Timed"

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  • She Thinks I'm Real!

    Contributed by Davon Huss on Dec 24, 2012
     | 2,091 views

    A story is told of a family that went into a restaurant. The waitress walked up and, looking at the young boy, said: “What will it be?” The boy eagerly shouted back: “I’ll take a hamburger, French fries, and a chocolate shake.” The mother immediately interrupted: “Oh, that’s not what he ...read more

  • Bass And Carp

    Contributed by Steve Kinnard on Feb 18, 2019
     | 2,304 views

    two fish (Bass –Carp) One time there was two fish who were best friends. They we an odd couple, one was a high-strung bass the other a laid-back carp. One day they were swimming around talking about girl fish and enjoying each other’s company. Then suddenly, a worm drops in front of them, the ...read more

  • A Chauffeur Had Driven The Chemistry Professor To ...  PRO

    Contributed by Steve Malone on Nov 13, 2001
    based on 74 ratings
     | 2,748 views

    A chauffeur had driven the chemistry professor to dozens of speaking engagements. He’d heard the same canned speech scores of times. He said on the way to another engagement, "Professor, I believe I could give your speech myself; I’ve heard it so often." The professor said, "I’ll bet you $50 you ...read more

  • Your Problem...my Situation  PRO

    Contributed by Karl Ingersoll on Mar 8, 2003
    based on 63 ratings
     | 2,520 views

    Your Problem...My Situation When you get angry it’s because you’re ill-tempered... It just happens that my nerves are bothering me. When you don’t like someone it’s because you’re prejudiced... I just happen to be a good judge of human nature. When you compliment people it’s because you use ...read more

  • Church History Is Replete Of Individuals Who Saw ...

    Contributed by Matthew Kratz on Sep 21, 2008
     | 1,822 views

    Church history is replete of individuals who saw the importance of fearing God and not other individuals. Following in the footsteps of Paul, John Chrysostom had a period of isolation in the mountains near Antioch in A.D. 373. Although his time of isolation was cut short by illness, he learned that ...read more

  • It Started Like So Many Evenings. Mom And Dad At ...

    Contributed by Lou Nicholes on Apr 26, 2007
     | 1,295 views

    It started like so many evenings. Mom and Dad at home and Jimmy playing after dinner. When Mom glanced at the clock she said “Jimmy, it’s time to go to bed. Go up now and I’ll come and tuck you in later.” An hour or so later his mother came up to check, and to her astonishment found that her son ...read more

  • When You Have Nothing Left But God, Then Fgod Is Enough

    Contributed by Tim Smith on Aug 13, 2017
     | 8,505 views

    Pastor Norm Johnson tells the story of Bill who was gravely ill in the hospital. Norm was visiting him when the doctor came in and point blank said, “Bill, you're dead. There’s no hope. You’d better get your things in order.” Just that bluntly, no hope, no comfort, no, “How are you doing?” After ...read more

  • It Seems That One Day A Kindergarten Teacher Was ...  PRO

    Contributed by Ken Kersten on Mar 18, 2003
    based on 110 ratings
     | 9,747 views

    It seems that one day a kindergarten teacher was helping one of her students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn’t want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. ...read more

  • My Way

    Contributed by Stephen Todd on Apr 10, 2003
    based on 1 rating
     | 6,653 views

    My Way And now, the end is near; And so I face the final curtain. My friend, I’ll say it clear, I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain. I’ve lived a life that’s full. I’ve traveled each and ev’ry highway; But more, much more than this, I did it my way. Regrets, I’ve had a few; But then again, ...read more

  • William Frey, Retired Episcopal Bishop From ...  PRO

    Contributed by Evie Megginson on Apr 6, 2004
    based on 7 ratings
     | 3,203 views

    William Frey, retired Episcopal bishop from Colorado, told the following story: When I was a younger man, I volunteered to read to a degree student named John who was blind. One day I asked him, "How did you lose your sight?" "A chemical explosion," John said, "at the age of thirteen." "How did ...read more

  • God's Grace Shown To Us  PRO

    Contributed by Frederick Baker Ii on Sep 3, 2007
    based on 10 ratings
     | 5,099 views

    "God’s Grace Shown To Us" The Enemy of the world, Satan, was on the side of life’s road with a very large cage. The man coming towards him noticed that it was crammed full of people of every kind, young, old, from every race and nation." Where did you get these people?" the man asked. "Oh, ...read more

  • God's Grace Shown To Us  PRO

    Contributed by Frederick Baker Ii on Sep 24, 2007
    based on 21 ratings
     | 4,149 views

    "God’s Grace Shown To Us" The Enemy of the world, Satan, was on the side of life’s road with a very large cage. The man coming towards him noticed that it was crammed full of people of every kind, young, old, from every race and nation." Where did you get these people?" the man asked. "Oh, ...read more

  • What's The Big Deal About The Church?

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Dec 28, 2008
     | 1,816 views

    WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ABOUT THE CHURCH? A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?" I'm sure that's probably how some people feel about most preachers and ...read more

  • What A Friend We Have In Jesus

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Apr 7, 2009
     | 2,982 views

    WHAT A FRIEND WE HAVE IN JESUS I want to close this message by singing a great hymn of prayer and faith. "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." This hymn was written by Joseph Scriven who lived from 1819 to 1886. Joseph Scriven had wealth, education, a devoted family, and a pleasant life in his native ...read more

  • I Think The American Public Wants A Solemn Ass ...

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Apr 12, 2007
     | 1,190 views

    "I think the American public wants a solemn ass as a President, and I ...read more

  • A Young Boy Was Waiting After Church For His ...  PRO

    Contributed by Ed Wood on Feb 14, 2003
    based on 64 ratings
     | 2,489 views

    A young boy was waiting after church for his family. The pastor saw him standing around and struck up a conversation. Noticing the boy had just come from Sunday School, the pastor thought he would ask him a question to see what he was learning. He said, “Young man, if you can tell me something ...read more

  • A Wealthy Deacon Was Opposed To The Renovation ...  PRO

    Contributed by Stephen Wright on Sep 9, 2006
    based on 2 ratings
     | 3,348 views

    A wealthy deacon was opposed to the renovation of the church building. One day, at a deacons’ meeting, he spoke out firmly against it. No sooner had he spoken, than a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling and hit him on the shoulder. “I take that back!” he said. “I’ll give a hundred dollars!” As ...read more

  • Three Little Pigs—follow Up

    Contributed by Troy Borst on Jun 29, 2011
    based on 1 rating
     | 3,350 views

    THREE LITTLE PIGS--FOLLOW UP Once there was a mother pig who had three little pigs. The pigs left their mother’s pen to live out their lives in the best way possible. The first little pig had not gone far when he decided to base his life on the pursuit of happiness. The pig did whatever made ...read more

  • It Started Like So Many Evenings. Mom And Dad At ...  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on May 4, 2001
    based on 102 ratings
     | 1,091 views

    It started like so many evenings. Mom and Dad at home and Jimmy playing after dinner. Mom and Dad were absorbed with jobs and did not notice the time. It was a full moon and some of the light seeped through the windows. Then Mom glanced at the clock. "Jimmy, it’s time to go to bed. Go up now and ...read more

  • Let Me Give You An Example Of The Kind Of Faith ...

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 18, 2007
     | 2,029 views

    Let me give you an example of the kind of faith and trust that is necessary to become a Christian. The world-famous acrobat, Blondin, was born in France in 1824. His real name was Jean Francois Gravalet. Over the years, he became famous throughout Europe and America. In London he once played a ...read more