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10 Things You Never Hear in Church
1. Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew!
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I’ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV
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Evangelical/Non-Denominational
Contributed by John Shearhart on May 24, 2006
based on 4 ratings
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“Some people do not like to hear much of repentance; but I think it is so necessary that if I should die in the pulpit, I would desire to die preaching repentance, and if out of the pulpit I would desire to die practicing it.”
Henry, Matthew
In his book I Surrender, Patrick Morley writes that
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Contributed by Sermon Central on Feb 26, 2007
Introduction: Did you hear the one about the chauffer whose job it had been to drive a famous scientist to a series of presentations about a new discovery. After several days, the two began to become pretty good friends. This despite the fact that the scientist taught bio-chemistry at a major
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Contributed by Sermon Central on Apr 12, 2007
based on 2 ratings
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"Babies do not want to hear about babies; they like to be told of giants and castles, and of somewhat which can
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Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 18, 2007
based on 1 rating
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Aunt Lucy was losing her hearing and the doctor recommended surgery to correct it. She promptly vetoed the idea saying, “I’m 94 years old and I’ve already heard enough.”
Mike was watching the last part of the TV show when his Dad called down the basement steps, “Mike Come up for dinner”
Mike
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Contributed by Bob Joyce on Sep 6, 2007
based on 3 ratings
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After hearing and reading all the health warnings the media consistently blesses us with, someone wrote this tongue-in-cheek observation.
"Brace yourself.
Somewhere, they’re plotting the scare of the week.
Air is polluted; water is too.
Fish that swim in it are not good for you.
Fresh fruits and
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Denomination:
Baptist
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
The top ten things teenagers hate to hear their parents say:
10. Pull your pants up. (What good will that do? They will just fall down again.)
9. When I was your age we did things differently. (Unfortunately, your kids still aren’t convinced you ever were their age.)
8. Who is going with you and
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Denomination:
Assembly Of God
Contributed by Sermon Central on Apr 2, 2008
: Children’s message used "Horton Hears a Who" by Dr. Seuss
The children’s message this morning gave us one literary vision of being “neighborly”. Horton, the elephant heard a cry for help and did all in his power (even amid the teasing of his friends) to protect the small people, affirming his
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Did you hear about the lady that was bitten by a skunk with rabies? The doctor came into her room and informed her: "Yes, the skunk had a bad case of rabies, and rabies is a highly contagious disease. You are now infected with rabies."
The doctor told her that rabies was deadly, and there was no
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Denomination:
Assembly Of God
Did you hear about the story of the GREAT ARGUMENT...
FIVE FINGERS GOT TOGETHER AND IN A HEATED DISCUSSION
THE ARGUMENT AROSE: WHO IS THE GREATEST OF THE FIVE
FINGERS?
The THUMB laid his claim: I am the greatest, I am the only opposing digit. I am used to HITCHHIKE.
The INDEX FINGER... I am the
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Denomination:
Assembly Of God
Contributed by Alan Perkins on Oct 16, 2022
Let me give you an illustration. It’s from the movie “The Music Man”. Have you seen that movie? “Ya got trouble, my friend, I say, trouble right here in River City.” In that movie, the con man Harold Hill has been selling band instruments, promising the townspeople that he will teach their children
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Denomination:
Baptist
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