In Sermon Illustrations: "Great Quotes"

The Fear Nots Of The Christmas Story

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 28, 2023

The "fear nots" used in the biblical narratives of the birth of Christ: The "fear not" of SALVATION: "And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings...which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a ...read more

Tags: Virgin Birth, Mary, Messiah, Christmas, Savior, Birth Of Christ  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Super Bowl Sunday Joke!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Feb 6, 2023

Surprised to see an empty seat at the Super Bowl stadium, a diehard fan remarked about it to a woman sitting nearby. "It was my husband's," the woman explained, "But he died." "I'm very sorry," said the man. Then he continued. "Yet, I'm really ...read more

Scripture: Galatians 5:22-23

Tags: Death, Sports, Humor, Goodness, Kindness, Super Bowl, Football, Fruit Of The Spirit, Funerals, Widows  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Promoted

Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Feb 4, 2020

The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the mail room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales ...read more

Tags: Family, Leadership, Success, Influence, Promotion, Moving Up, Nepotism  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Independent/Bible

Fight Like A Man

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Jul 13, 2023

A man came to his pastor who had attended church for 25 years and was a respected, leader in the church, said, "Pastor, I've got something to tell you. I've never told this to a soul, extremely difficult to tell you this now, but my wife and I have had a fight every day for the past 30 ...read more

Scripture: Ephesians 5:18-31

Tags: Cowards, Quarreling, Women, Anger, Conflict Management, Husbands, Fights, Wives, Love, Fear, Marriage, Men  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

When The Devil Showed Up At Church

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Oct 15, 2024

A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon ...read more

Scripture: 1 Peter 5:7-9

Tags: Church, Satan, Devil, Spiritual Warfare, Temptation, Humor, Sermon Introductions  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

The Dangers Of Toying With Sin

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Mar 12, 2023

Several years ago our family visited Niagara Falls. It was spring, and ice was rushing down the river. As I viewed the large blocks of ice flowing toward the falls, I could see that there were carcasses of dead fish embedded in the ice. Gulls by the score were riding down the river feeding on the ...read more

Scripture: Romans 3:23

Tags: Sin, Salvation, Temptation, Deceit, Sinners, Sin Nature  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Where I Used To Go To Church!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on May 4, 2022

A man was stranded on a deserted Pacific island for years. Finally, one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper’s attention. The boat comes near the island and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man. After a while the sailor asks, ...read more

Tags: Church, Worship, Humor, Strife, Division, Church Splits  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

And Then There Were Four

Contributed by James Snyder on Aug 21, 2021

Over a year ago, I got out of bed, went to the kitchen for my morning cup of coffee and then I went to the back porch to see if I had any visitors. I have foxes, possums, cats, and raccoons (who are politically correct and wear masks when they come). I put food out for them, and they help ...read more

Scripture: Proverbs 16:7

Tags: Peace, Animals

Denomination: Christian Missionary Alliance

It’s All In The Script

Contributed by James Snyder on May 14, 2022

Everybody is concerned about details in various aspects of life. I like overseeing the details of my life to make sure I'm going in the right direction. I'm not always going in the right direction, as you can imagine. However, everybody's idea of detail management is not always the ...read more

Scripture: Jeremiah 1:5

Tags: Script, Commercials

Denomination: Christian Missionary Alliance

Anti-Semitic Henry Ford

Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Oct 3, 2022

It was a sweltering August day in 1937 when the Cohen brothers entered the posh Dearborn, Michigan, offices of Henry Ford, the car maker. "Mr. Ford," announced Norman Cohen, the eldest of the three. "We have a remarkable invention that will revolutionize the automobile ...read more

Scripture: Matthew 5:38-48

Tags: Love, Introduction, Friendliness, Joke, Antisemitism  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Independent/Bible

Seven Wonders Of Grace

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 6, 2022

SEVEN WONDERS OF GRACE. Text - Galatians 2:20.  There are seven spiritual wonders in this marvelous text: 1. That the Son of God should love a persecutor like Saul. "Who loved me." 2. That the Son of God should be crucified. "Crucified with Christ." 3. That Christ ...read more

Scripture: Galatians 2:20

Tags: Faith, Grace, Discipleship, Christian Life, Death To Self  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Sleep In Heavenly Peas?? (Christmas Joke)

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 28, 2023

A little boy and girl were singing their favorite Christmas carol in church the Sunday before Christmas. The boy concluded singing "Silent Night" with the words, "Sleep in heavenly beans." " No," his sister corrected, "not ...read more

Scripture: Luke 2:1-14

Tags: Pastors, Birth Of Christ, Christmas, Peace, Preaching, Mistakes, Humor  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Preaching Too Long

Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Sep 24, 2019

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone. "I went to get a haircut," was the reply. "But," said the ...read more

Scripture: Romans 1:8-17

Tags: Preaching, Time, Borring, Long Sermon

Denomination: Independent/Bible

Why Do We Say Merry Christmas But Happy Everything Else?

Contributed by Derrick Tuper on Dec 23, 2019

Why Do We Say “Merry Christmas” but “Happy” Everything Else? by, Meghan Jones. "The word "merry" isn't one we use very often during the months of January through November. But as soon as Thanksgiving passes, you're bound to start hearing and seeing it everywhere—on ...read more

Scripture: Job 21:12, Ecclesiastes 10:19, Isaiah 24:7, Luke 12:19

Tags: Christmas, Merry

Denomination: Christian/Church Of Christ

Charles Blondin

Contributed by Revd. Martin Dale on Oct 21, 2025

Story: In the late 19th century (1859), Charles Blondin (born Jean François Gravelet, 28 February 1824 – 22 February 1897)a famous tightrope walker had a tightrope placed across the Niagara Falls in the USA. He then proceeded to walk across it with a wheelbarrow in front of him. Having ...read more

Scripture: Luke 13:22-30

Tags: Wheelbarrow, Blondin, Niagara Falls

Denomination: Anglican

Astray

Contributed by Dr. Ronald Shultz on Sep 23, 2019

Astray They sing, Farther along we'll understand. Oh, how I wish I'd been a holy man, But I wandered so far astray Now all I can see is Judgment Day. I fell on my knees and begged for Your grace, Then turned around and spat in Your face. I walked along in my foolish will, Now I fear ...read more

Scripture: Proverbs 14:14

Tags: Sin, Repentance, Backsliding

Denomination: Baptist

If You Could Visit Hell For Just Ten Seconds

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Apr 19, 2022

Charles Spurgeon, the famous evangelist and theologian, was teaching young men in seminary how to preach. He told them, “Gentlemen, when you speak of Heaven, let your face be all aglow and smiling and lifted up and brilliant and let it be unashamed when you speak of Heaven. But when you speak of ...read more

Tags: Hell, Death, Satan, Truth, Judgment, Lost, Unbelievers, Preachers  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

When You Don't Have To Pray....

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Aug 12, 2019

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother' s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer," said his ...read more

Scripture: Jeremiah 33:3

Tags: Prayer, Grandma, Grace At Meals

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Courageous Husband?

Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Jan 22, 2025

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite ...read more

Scripture: Ephesians 5:22-33

Tags: Marriage, Compassion, Courage, Hurry, Double Standard  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Independent/Bible

Jesus Is Watching You!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Aug 18, 2020

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you". He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his ...read more

Scripture: Matthew 5:1-12

Tags: Honesty, Jokes, Omnipresence Of God, Jesus Is Watching

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational