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In Sermon Illustrations: "Christmas Jokes"

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  • From The Book: Wacky Laws, Weird Decisions And ...  PRO

    Contributed by Michael Mccartney on Jan 25, 2006
    based on 3 ratings
     | 1,583 views

    From the book: Wacky Laws, Weird Decisions and Strange Statues, Main Street publishers. Divorce Court: a. Marshfield, Wisconsin: When the couple married, he promised to pay her $1 for each kiss as long as they remained married. She sued him for divorce and asked the court for an award of $3,000 in ...read more

  • Mort Meyerson, Who Ran Perot Systems From 1992 To ...

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jul 16, 2008
     | 1,118 views

    Mort Meyerson, who ran Perot Systems from 1992 to 1997, created a stir when he canceled the company’s annual Christmas party. He saw that the event (for 13,000 employees) was costing $360,000 and decided the money could be put to better use. He said, "We’ll take the $360,000 and buy food and ...read more

  • Questions For God

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Feb 16, 2009
    based on 1 rating
     | 5,239 views

    QUESTIONS FOR GOD I came across some post-it notes that contain brief notes that kids wrote to God. Here are a few funny ones… Dear God, I went to this wedding and they kissed in church. Is that OK? Dear God, I think about you sometimes even when I’m not praying. God, thank you for the baby ...read more

  • Mourn For The Innocent

    Contributed by Ross Cochrane on Dec 21, 2009
     | 1,872 views

    MOURN FOR THE INNOCENT This Christmas we celebrate the birth of the Saviour. Perhaps we should also mourn for the innocent lives that Herod sacrificed in order to avoid a threat to his throne. And we haven’t changed. Perhaps we should also mourn the millions of babies who are aborted each year. We ...read more

  • Missing The Obvious!!!

    Contributed by Suresh Manoharan on Dec 29, 2015
    based on 1 rating
     | 11,601 views

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson went on a camping trip. After sharing a good meal and a bottle of Petrie wine, they retire to their tent for the night. At about 3 AM, Holmes nudges Watson and asks, "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?" Watson said, "I see millions of ...read more

  • As If I Didn’t Already Know

    Contributed by James Snyder on Oct 12, 2024
     | 269 views

    I've been accused of many things throughout my life, but never having a great memory. It's not that I don't try to remember things; I can't remember things I'm supposed to remember. It has nothing to do with my age because it started as far back as I can remember. This ...read more

  • Someone Tells About A Pastor Who Was Late For ...  PRO

    Contributed by Dana Chau on Jul 1, 2003
    based on 6 ratings
     | 1,879 views

    Someone tells about a pastor who was late for church. He flagged down a taxicab and instructed the cabdriver to do everything within his power to get him to church on time. So the cab sped off and weaved through traffic for about ten blocks. The dangerous driving ended in a fatal accident. Both ...read more

  • Clark Cothern, Decision, Tells Of A Personal ...  PRO

    Contributed by Dale Pilgrim on Oct 6, 2005
    based on 3 ratings
     | 2,773 views

    Clark Cothern, Decision, tells of a personal experience he had had. “I once invited a friend, Gavin, to help my pastor and me guide 30 lively teens through an all-night "lock-in" at church. Early in the evening Gavin challenged me to a game of table tennis in the fellowship hall. Our game quickly ...read more

  • Bad Day

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jul 23, 2008
    based on 1 rating
     | 4,892 views

    BAD DAY Brian Hise has had his share of bad stuff happen to him. In just a short time -- one day in July -- his apartment in Provo, Utah apartment became flooded because of an upstairs neighbor’s broken pipe. The manager instructed him to go out and rent a wet/dry vacuum. When he went out to his ...read more

  • Dying For Someone Like That

    Contributed by Curry Pikkaart on Aug 12, 2011
     | 2,486 views

    DYING FOR SOMEONE LIKE THAT During the war in Vietnam, a young West Point graduate was sent over to lead a group of new recruits into battle. He did his job well, trying his best to keep his recruits from ambush and death. But one night, when they had been under attack, he was unable to get one of ...read more

  • Loving Neighbour

    Contributed by Don Berry-Graham on Feb 29, 2016
     | 3,795 views

    A Little Pointer on Keeping a Balance Here’s a little bonus tip that I’ve found helpful to keep my wits about me as I live next to these wild Vikings we call sinners, pagans, and wacko unbelievers while keeping my vertical relationship with God strong. It’s called “whimsical holiness,” which is ...read more

  • David Peterson, Former Pastor At The First ...

    Contributed by David Ward on Dec 16, 2004
    based on 1 rating
     | 2,021 views

    David Peterson, former pastor at the First Presbyterian Church in Spokane, Washington, told about a time when he was preparing his sermon. His little daughter came in and said, "Daddy, can we play?" He answered, "I’m awfully sorry, Sweetheart, but I’m right in the middle of preparing this sermon. ...read more

  • They Tell Me The Story That Long Ago There Was A ...  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Nov 16, 2005
    based on 6 ratings
     | 2,361 views

    They tell me the story that long ago there was a small church, in a small town, in a small county, where a small congregation had tried for years to get the biggest “sinner” in town, Sam, to come to church. Sam the sinner would have nothing to do with the church. He wouldn’t even come on Easter or ...read more

  • A Box Of Kisses

    Contributed by Christian Cheong on Dec 7, 2006
     | 1,513 views

    A BOX OF KISSES Some time ago, a father punished his 3-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper. Money was tight, and he became angry when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree. Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift to her father the next ...read more

  • Perhaps No Composer Has Captured The Musical ...

    Contributed by Bobby Scobey on Mar 20, 2007
    based on 2 ratings
     | 1,351 views

    Perhaps no composer has captured the musical heart and soul of America as did Irving Berlin. In addition to familiar favorites such as "God Bless America" and "Easter Parade," he wrote, "I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas," which still ranks as the all-time best-selling musical score. In an ...read more

  • We Need Hope

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jul 31, 2008
     | 3,031 views

    WE NEED HOPE Someone has said that if you could convince a man there was no hope, he would curse the day he was born. Hope is an indispensable quality of life. Dusk was falling on the Saturday before Christmas in 1927 the S-4 submarine (S-class submarines, were the first class of submarines built ...read more

  • You Know What It Reminds Me Of? Remember The ...

    Contributed by Sean Harder on Jun 25, 2009
     | 1,325 views

    You know what it reminds me of? Remember the first Indiana Jones Movie, where for several seconds this crazy and skilled guy is threatening Indiana by whirling this sword around with incredible flash, then in an instant, Jones calmly, with mild irritation, pulls out his gun and bang its over. ...read more

  • An Unread Note Costs A Commander His ...

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 2, 2010
     | 1,952 views

    An Unread Note Costs A Commander His Army During the Revolutionary War, a loyalist spy appeared at the headquarters of Hessian commander Colonel Johann Rall, carrying an urgent message. General George Washington and his Continental [A]rmy had secretly crossed the Delaware River that morning and ...read more

  • The Miracle Birth

    Contributed by Tim Smith on Mar 17, 2011
     | 3,901 views

    THE MIRACLE BIRTH Mike Hermanstorfer was clutching his pregnant wife's hand in a Colorado hospital on Christmas Eve last year when she stopped breathing. Mike’s wife, Tracy, went into cardiac arrest during labor. Doctors told him, "We're going to take your son out now. We have been unable to ...read more

  • The Ring And The Carrot

    Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Jan 9, 2012
     | 1,368 views

    THE RING AND THE CARROT "A Swedish woman who lost her wedding ring 16 years ago was flabbergasted when she found it again, around a carrot growing in her garden, media reported Saturday. Lena Paahlsson had taken off the white gold ring before a Christmas baking session with her daughters in 1995, ...read more