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These are actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the
world-famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers
*Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They
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Denomination:
Baptist
Contributed by Curry Pikkaart on Dec 23, 2009
I guess I’ve always liked good news. When I was a student at Central College in Iowa, I worshiped at our Campus Church. Each week there was a pretty heavy prayer of confession that was usually preceded by recounting some really bad news stories of the previous week. Eventually a group of us
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Denomination:
Presbyterian/Reformed
Contributed by Peter Loughman on Mar 3, 2010
FOLLOW YOUR CONSCIENCE?
The truth is, people who strive for a clear conscience in life do not understand the seriousness of their sin.
Most you here in this room, in fact, probably all of you in this room are better drivers than I am. Now I’m not saying that I am not a skilled driver, no, I have
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Denomination:
Evangelical/Non-Denominational
Contributed by Ken Pell on Apr 6, 2010
"The Harrowing of Hell" -- "I have the keys to death and Hades"
An ancient Christian hymn found in the old hymn book "Odes of Solomon" (from the first one hundred years of the Christian church) has a climactic celebration of "The harrowing (robbing) of Hell." It gives us insight into the first
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Denomination:
Nazarene
Contributed by Dale Pilgrim on Apr 26, 2010
BIGGER THAN NOW
When you prepare to come out of high school, you go through processes in grade 11 and 12 where you evaluate future options. You might have had a conversation with your school counsellor, talking about programs and courses you needed to qualify for certain post-secondary studies.
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Denomination:
Salvation Army
Contributed by Ed Sasnett on Jun 15, 2010
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BURMA-SHAVE AND THE CHURCH
Dan Betzer told about the old Burma Shave commercials alongside the roadside. Some of you remember how advertisers would use several well-placed slogans on signs to promote their product. Burma Shave was famous for their billboard advertisements. For example, one
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Denomination:
Baptist
Contributed by Ross Cochrane on Aug 14, 2010
TROJAN HORSE! It appears innocent enough, but it is a harmful piece of software that looks legitimate. It tricks people into loading the wrong things into their systems. It gives a hacker access to cause damage. Unless you have a good ANTIVIRUS PROGRAMME, you will get infected and your whole
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Denomination:
Evangelical/Non-Denominational
I KNEW MY FATHER WAS PLEASED
It reminds me of a story that Jonathan Goforth (1859-1936) the great Canadian missionary in China, used to tell.
Jonathan’s father put him in charge of one of the family farms at the age of 15. He drew special attention to one very large field, which had become choked
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Denomination:
Anglican
ORTBERG ON GOD'S PRESENCE
John Ortberg’s quote about God’s Presence:
"Now let us bring God into the picture. The reality with God is that we are never speaking or acting in his absence. The psalmist said, 'Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go to the
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Denomination:
Evangelical/Non-Denominational
Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Apr 3, 2011
Many clearly Biblical, crucial beliefs are under assault these days. One of those beliefs is our conviction that Christ died as our substitute, that he took our sins upon himself when he died on the cross, and that he paid the penalty for our sins and offered himself as a sacrifice to the Father,
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Denomination:
Independent/Bible
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