Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
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Just for fun let’s have a top ten list of "How to Know when you are growing old."
10. The gleam in your eye is the sun hitting your bifocals.
09. You get winded playing cards.
08. You know all the answers but nobody asks the questions.
07. You need your glasses to find your glasses.
06. You
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Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
based on 9 ratings
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Some fun hearing what kids think about husbands and wives.
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
Alan, age 10—You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Kirsten, age 10—No person
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Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
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ILLUSTRATION: Glynn Wolfe lived 88 years; he was born July 25th 1908 and died June 10th 1997. He died alone in a nursing home in Redlands, California where no one visited him and no one came to claim the body. Wolfe died with $430 to his name which was used to give him a pauper’s funeral. What
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Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
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But first a chance for you to laugh a little once again with my top twelve common words as redefined by parents with children.
12. DUMB WAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
11. DEFENSE: what you’d better have around the yard if you’re going to let the children play
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Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
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A little boy was spending the night at grandma and grandpa’s house. Kneeling beside his bed with his grandparents he softly said his prayers; "Dear God, please bless Mummy and Daddy and all the family. Thank you for letting me stay with grandma and grandpa tonight bless them and please give us
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Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
The top ten things teenagers hate to hear their parents say:
10. Pull your pants up. (What good will that do? They will just fall down again.)
9. When I was your age we did things differently. (Unfortunately, your kids still aren’t convinced you ever were their age.)
8. Who is going with you and
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Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
Some words of wisdom for parents (and children):
• Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. – Erma Bombeck
• The most common fallacy among women (and men – in my humble opinion) is that simply having children makes them a mother (a father), which is as absurd as believing that
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Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
President John Adams stated, “The law given from Sinai was a civil and municipal code as well as a moral and religious code. These laws are essential to the existence of men in society and most of which have been enacted by every Nation which ever professed any code of laws. Vain indeed would be
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Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
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My attempt to help bring clarity and understanding to the commandments may be out done by “The Hillbilly’s Ten Commandments.” These are the simple down home interpretation of the Ten Commandments as posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Louisville, KY.
(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin’
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Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
based on 1 rating
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How often have you heard, “Limited time offer” or “This offer won’t last long”? The idea is that if you don’t act soon you will miss out on this chance of a lifetime. The only problem is that sooner or later they are making the same offer all over again, or by chance you might even hear that now
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Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
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Judge Alexander M. Sanders, Jr., the Chief Juctice of the South Carolina Court of Appeals, tells a story about what happened when his daughter Zoe was just three years old.
Sanders came home from work one day to find his home – and especially his young daughter – in a state of turmoil. Zoe’s pet
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Denomination:
Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
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What has caused people to not have a Biblical worldview and to edit the Ten Commandments to please one’s self? Maybe it’s not just the preacher you listen to. A study of 104 leading television writers and executives conducted by the center for media and public affairs found that Hollywood’s
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Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
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ILLUSTRATION: In the “Peanuts” comic strip Charlie Brown tells Linus, “My grandpa and grandma have been married for 50 years.” Linus says, “They’re lucky aren’t they.” But Charlie brown responds saying, “Grandma says it isn’t luck—it’s skill.” Now that Susie and I have celebrated 25 years of
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Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
ILLUSTRATION: The story is told of two Buddhist monks walking him drenching thunderstorm when they came to a stream flooding its banks. A beautiful young Japanese woman stood nearby afraid of the rushing currents. In characteristic Buddhist compassion one of the monk said “Can I help you?” The
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Denomination:
Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
As we look today at the eighth commandment, “You shall not steal,” here are a couple of stories to remind us that crime does not pay.
A London taxi driver found an ingenious way to keep his cab clean. He would wrap up the leftovers from his lunch together with any other garbage he found in the cab
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Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
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ILLUSTRATION: The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey ran a help-wanted ad for electricians with expertise at using Sontag connectors. They received170 responses, even though there is no such thing as a Sontag connector. The Authority ran
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Denomination:
Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
ILLUSTRATION: President Abraham Lincoln was trying to make a point, but the individual he was talking with was unconvinced and stubborn. So Lincoln tried another tactic. He said, “Well, let’s see now. How many legs does a cow have?” The disgusted reply came back “Four, of course.” Lincoln agreed,
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Assembly Of God
Contributed by Rick Balmer on Sep 20, 2007
“How can you be so narrow-minded?”
The question jolted Steve from the newspaper he was reading in the teacher’s lounge. Jenna, the school librarian, was frowning and pointing at his coffee mug, which bore the message “One Way: Jesus”. Jenna was a follower of New Age religion. She believed there
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Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
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All of us are probably familiar with America’s favorite five year old, “Dennis the Menace.” You can learn a lot about yourself from watching kids, and Dennis is no exception. On one particular day Dennis is found looking at the new department store catalog that had just arrived at the Mitchell
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Assembly Of God
Contributed by D. Greg Ebie on Sep 20, 2007
One more chuckle: A pastor arrived at the local ministerial meeting early. The pastor of the church where the meeting was being held was out front changing the message on the church sign. The sign read: “God saved the best for last—You shall not covet.” The
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