Married But Not Engaged

MARRIED BUT NOT ENGAGED

Years ago, Julie and I began to have difficulty in our marriage. I was spending all my time pastoring a small Church, and our relationship was being neglected. It suffered to the point where I needed to take time out of ministry, and we needed to do some repair work. That was a major decision and we know what it's like to go through the difficult process, the road less travelled, of restoring that which has been lost, and for me, of learning what it means to be a better husband. It's horrible at first, but when we made that choice, at the end of the day we are still married and I have an even better relationship with Julie than I had before. God is so good!

I am always disturbed when Christians take the dreadful step of divorce. If Christians can't make their marriages work, who can? My heart breaks for them, because they have usually left it too late before they come for counselling. Christians like to hide the fact that their marriages aren't working, especially at Church. By the time they do come, they simply want to justify their decision. They tell me things like "God would not want me to live the rest of my life with someone I don't love, would He?" or "God wouldn't want me to be so unhappy?" I tell them as best I can that there is more to a marriage than an emotion of self centred well-being, but that doesn't always go down that well!

Now I know it's not simply a matter of, as one person put it, "being married but not engaged". That's worse still! But when a couple divorces, it is heartbreaking to see the aftermath of hurt and devastation which touches the lives of their children for years to come, and the legal and emotional battles that are fought to break that covenant. By the time you are divorced, you have had to violate a number of very binding promises you have made before God and eachother. That alone has devastating and lasting consequences for us emotionally, socially and spiritually - in every way. It is no wonder that God says "For I hate divorce!" says the Lord, ... "To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,...so guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife." (Malachi 2:16 (NLT))