The Antics Of Anger - A Multi-Part Message

"If you cannot control your anger, you are as helpless as a city without walls, open to attack." (Prov 25:28 GNB)

Of all the emotions a human being can experience, the emotion of anger is probably the most challenging and complex of all. It can be physically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually hurtful.

Freedom from Anger

Jenny had been terribly hurt and broken by the hands of another. She had been so mistreated that she could not forgive. That caused anger, hate, and bitterness to fill her whole being. She became a person she couldn't like, let alone love. She learned from reading the Bible that she must forgive, but she could not.

She knew she was in trouble, so she cried out to God for help. She went to a Church one night, but no one was there. She was so burdened with guilt and pain that she stayed and threw herself down on the floor before the altar and cried out in desperation, "Lord, I can't leave here until you take the unforgiveness and hate out of my heart. I want to have a relationship with You and to go to heaven when I die."

Suddenly, in an instant, God touched her. She felt like a boil inside of her had been cut open and cleansed of hideous puss and decay. God so filled her with His love that it felt like warm oil was flowing through her being. Instantly she began to feel love for the one that hurt her. Then she knew that she could now love anyone because forgiveness had set her free by taking her pain and anger away.

Anger can express itself in various forms, and when not directly dealt with, it can unknowingly get buried deep inside. Being stuck in a relationship of abuse or neglect can cause the suppression of anger. Suppressed anger, in time, will break out of its weak restraints and display itself in many self-destructive ways. It can turn into resentment or bitterness, gradually simmering to the boiling point—at which time it can have severely debilitating effects on mental health. This can result in low self-esteem, withdrawal, isolation, difficulty maintaining relationships, suicidal thoughts, sexual promiscuity, and/or dysfunction. Even physical problems such as migraine headaches, colitis, high blood pressure, substance abuse, lupus, and arthritis can be caused or aggravated by repressing anger.

Feeling anger is neither good nor bad, but rather a natural reaction that occurs whenever our self-esteem or self-respect is hurt or threatened. Anger is a sign that we are alive. On the other hand, hate is a sign that one is sick and in need of healing. Healthy anger can drive us to do something to change what makes us angry. It can help to make things better. The main difference between hate and anger is that hate does not want to change things for the better; it wants to make things worse.

Anger can mask feelings of helplessness, disappointment, insecurity, grief, and fear. Some people fear the possible consequences of revealing how they feel.

Anger may also feel safer than intimacy and genuine communication. It can act as a shield to protect from deeper pain and hurt. When a person walks around with their defenses up, holding onto their anger, they keep themselves from hurting too much and are then not so fearful of being hurt again.

Anger projected toward others will keep them away. If they can't get too close, there is less vulnerability. Anger may be used to try and end a relationship, but instead, the anger can actually cause the relationship to be maintained emotionally because they remain bound to the person with whom they are angry.

Many kids leave home at an early age to escape from anger and resentment they feel towards their parents. Sadly, if they don't come to the place of reconciliation and forgiveness, they will be shackled to their family by the very anger that caused them to leave home.

Think about this: some people are even too scared of anger to get angry! They think that anger is bad because they've seen what uncontrolled anger can do. They're afraid to be angry about things that may be "God's will" for their life—that they brought it upon themselves.

Some people had parents that expressed their anger with loud violence. Others grew up in an alcoholic or another type of dysfunctional home where displaying negative feelings of any kind was against house rules. Therefore, feeling anger toward someone may leave them feeling guilty and ashamed. There are those who have been physically or verbally abused by angry adults and then not allowed to vent their anger back at them.

Many children were the victims of someone getting angry at them for no apparent reason. Maybe their day went bad, or they had to wait in line too long at the grocery store, or they were cut off by a bad driver, or had a bad day at the office. As a result, the child is left with the impression that anger can take over at any time and make a person do things that they would not normally do.