Submission: Marriage Series

Peter uses the example of Sarah who followed Abraham everywhere God told him to go. She went along with a deception when they were in a foreign land and pretended to be his sister. She also referred to Abraham as lord (with a little “l”) in Genesis 18:12 “Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, “After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?”” This “lord” (with a little “l”) is a word of respect for someone with greater authority.

We have looked at examples of submission to the government by citizens and submission to bosses by employees over the last couple of weeks. What could I use as an example for this week? How about I use my own marriage as an example? Just for the record – Lynn has never call me “lord” (with a little “l”) 😊

When we got married there were already 2 children. We each had a child from our first marriages. Those relationships ended and it was by God’s grace that we found each other. Lynn and I decided we needed to be on the same page when it came to decisions about the kids. I had read about a simple way to practice submission in a marriage when it came to your children. It works because men and women are different!

Lynn tended to be more nurturing and wanted to be lenient when it came to discipline. I was more of an authoritarian and wanted the rules followed – period. So, we would discuss the matter and meet somewhere in the middle. If we could agree on a path forward, that was our shared decision. We also had a plan just in case we could not agree on a shared decision. When that happened (just a couple of times in all those years), she submitted to my decision. We agreed to follow that path. If it worked, I did not have the right to tell her, “I told you so.” If it was the wrong decision, she did not have the right to tell me, “I told you so.”

We do the same thing when it comes to decisions about the house or the cars or any big purchase. Now when it comes to small things and regular things – clothing and groceries and stuff – we are both submitted to the budget because we agreed on that about 20 years ago. I have not right to control her and she has no right to control me… that’s not the point. We have found a way that lets us respect one another.

Message to husbands, v. 7

“7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

I once heard a preacher say, “It took six verses to explain what a wife needs to do and only one for the husbands so that means you women have more to get right, especially since you are weak in your faith.” When I heard that, I thought – “Lord, let me never make a mistake like that!” Remember – a text without a context can be a pretext for veiled deception!

So, now we get to an exhortation/encouragement to the husbands in the house churches. There is debate about what the situation might have been – are the wives also Followers of Jesus? When I read these verses, it seems to me that Peter’s guidance for them would apply to every husband no matter the situation. The wording here – “dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife” – would make it hard for the Jesus Follower husband to DEMAND anything from his wife. That would include demands in the bedroom and demands for submission. What Peter has in view here a distinction between being selfish and being selfless. When we honor someone, we give that person an elevated position as if they deserve it. God wants husbands to lift up their wives and give them a place of honor. Can all the husbands here strive for this? No pressure😊 Let me deal quickly with “weaker vessel.” In general, most men are physically stronger than most women. Can we agree on this simple application?