“Submission: Marriage”
1 Peter 3:1-7
Pastor John Bright
1 Peter3 “1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Communication between husbands and wives can be a sensitive issue:
A married couple were having an argument that kept going longer and longer.
The wife looked at her husband and said, “Tell me, Dear, do you want to win or do you want to be happy?”
The argument ended right there. 😊
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I was hoping to get you to laugh a little before we hear some things from God’s Word that can be hard to receive. This whole topic of submission is hard in today’s world. Our culture is one that advocates for the oppressed. If one person in a relationship is seen as suppressing the rights or freedoms of the other person, that one is labeled the oppressor. If we are not careful with this scripture, we could be seen as trying to side with the oppressor – the bad guy. That’s what the culture would tell us.
What was it like for women back in Peter’s day? What message was coming from the culture? Overall, in the Roman Empire, women had many rights. They could own a business, vote, hold some public offices, and own property. They even had more rights in marriage and divorce. They were also well educated.
(NIV Commentary, 1 Peter, McKnight, 1996, 182-3) Jewish culture, on the other hand, severely limited the rights of women. Peter is speaking to both groups in the house churches of Asia Minor.
Peter writes to wives, v. 1-2
“1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.”
There is an old saying among preachers: “A text without a context is pretext for a proof text.” Let me put it another way: A scripture text taken out of its context can be a disguise for deception!
For the third week in a row, I have me mention the context of these verses: 1 Peter 2:11-12 “11 Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul, 12 having your conduct honorable among the Gentiles, that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may, by your good works which they observe, glorify God in the day of visitation.” This time it mentions very specifically who is watching – husbands who are not yet Followers of Jesus.
While I want to look at this scripture in light of its original message and bring that forward to make it relevant for us today, we should not ignore the past abuse of women who were told they had to submit to a husband who was cruel and unloving. Any woman who has suffered the abuse of a husband or boyfriend will hear a different message when I read these verses. It’s like what I told you about last week – if you are white, you hear verses about slaves and masters in a different way than those who are black. Same thing here, if you are woman who was never abused or a man, you hear verses about wives submitting to husband in a different way than a woman with a history of being abused. That’s just the way it is – no right or wrong way to hear it or experience it – just different. Can we agree?
Peter is trying to make a point about the witness of a wife’s behavior to a husband that is not a part of the church. He is encouraging them to witness without words. All of us have hoped that the way we live our lives will point others to the Jesus we follow. Right? Sure, we have! This may have been the woman’s only option because leaving the husband’s religion to go another way could be seen as a betrayal.
(NIV Commentary, 1 Peter, McKnight, 1996, 184) In our world today, this is the situation faced in the mission fields. If one person in the family converts to Christianity, they may have to be a silent witness or risk losing everything.
A woman’s appearance v. 3-4
“3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”
These verses give us some insight into who is a part of the house churches of Asia Minor – wealthy women. These women had a way of dressing – braided hair – and a type of jewelry – gold – and a type of dress – fine clothes like silk from China or linen from Egypt. “The Roman woman’s clothes were a part of the culture of the empire and often could say a lot about the person who wore them or even about the prosperity of her family. So, the wealthy women tried to show off as much as possible. Regardless of class, almost every woman tried to decorate themselves and look beautiful.” https://owlcation.com/humanities/Womens-Clothes-in-Ancient-Rome
Paul makes a similar argument in 1 Timothy 2:9-10 “9 in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, 10 but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.” Paul is addressing folks in that day about how to dress when coming to the house church. If there is a mixture of wealthy and working class, the way folks dress could make the differences more pronounced. But Peter is going even further.
Peter is making a comparison and a contrast between the outer appearance of a woman and the inner beauty of the heart. One of these will fade and grow dimmer as time passes – the outer beauty. What about the heart of a Jesus Follower? That heart is transformed when we first confess Jesus as Lord and Savoir. Then, it continues to grow more beautiful through the process of what we call sanctification as more and more grace is poured into that heart. That is what makes it possible for any Follower of Jesus to have “a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”
What’s the alternative? The writer of Proverbs put it this way: (The Message Bible)
Proverbs 27:15-16 “A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet; You can’t turn it off, and you can’t get away from it.”
Will the wife who is always griping and complaining at home be a good missionary to her husband? Is this behavior acceptable if you husband is already a Follower of Jesus? No – nagging and griping and complaining is NOT “very precious in the sight of God.”
Example from Scripture, v. 5-6
“5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.”
Peter uses the example of Sarah who followed Abraham everywhere God told him to go. She went along with a deception when they were in a foreign land and pretended to be his sister. She also referred to Abraham as lord (with a little “l”) in Genesis 18:12 “Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, “After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?”” This “lord” (with a little “l”) is a word of respect for someone with greater authority.
We have looked at examples of submission to the government by citizens and submission to bosses by employees over the last couple of weeks. What could I use as an example for this week? How about I use my own marriage as an example? Just for the record – Lynn has never call me “lord” (with a little “l”) 😊
When we got married there were already 2 children. We each had a child from our first marriages. Those relationships ended and it was by God’s grace that we found each other. Lynn and I decided we needed to be on the same page when it came to decisions about the kids. I had read about a simple way to practice submission in a marriage when it came to your children. It works because men and women are different!
Lynn tended to be more nurturing and wanted to be lenient when it came to discipline. I was more of an authoritarian and wanted the rules followed – period. So, we would discuss the matter and meet somewhere in the middle. If we could agree on a path forward, that was our shared decision. We also had a plan just in case we could not agree on a shared decision. When that happened (just a couple of times in all those years), she submitted to my decision. We agreed to follow that path. If it worked, I did not have the right to tell her, “I told you so.” If it was the wrong decision, she did not have the right to tell me, “I told you so.”
We do the same thing when it comes to decisions about the house or the cars or any big purchase. Now when it comes to small things and regular things – clothing and groceries and stuff – we are both submitted to the budget because we agreed on that about 20 years ago. I have not right to control her and she has no right to control me… that’s not the point. We have found a way that lets us respect one another.
Message to husbands, v. 7
“7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”
I once heard a preacher say, “It took six verses to explain what a wife needs to do and only one for the husbands so that means you women have more to get right, especially since you are weak in your faith.” When I heard that, I thought – “Lord, let me never make a mistake like that!” Remember – a text without a context can be a pretext for veiled deception!
So, now we get to an exhortation/encouragement to the husbands in the house churches. There is debate about what the situation might have been – are the wives also Followers of Jesus? When I read these verses, it seems to me that Peter’s guidance for them would apply to every husband no matter the situation. The wording here – “dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife” – would make it hard for the Jesus Follower husband to DEMAND anything from his wife. That would include demands in the bedroom and demands for submission. What Peter has in view here a distinction between being selfish and being selfless. When we honor someone, we give that person an elevated position as if they deserve it. God wants husbands to lift up their wives and give them a place of honor. Can all the husbands here strive for this? No pressure😊 Let me deal quickly with “weaker vessel.” In general, most men are physically stronger than most women. Can we agree on this simple application?
Now, on to the last phrase: “that your prayers may not be hindered.” From time to time, I have someone show up in my office for a discussion about why her or his prayers are not being answered. When that happens, I always do a little “check-in” to see where a person is in their prayer life:
• For everybody – what are you praying for? Too often, we pray for the circumstances (E) to change. Last week we talked about – Event (E) + Response (R) = Outcome (O). The Response is what needs to change so this is the right prayer – “Lord, change me.” James 4:3 “You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.”
• For everybody – do you have unrepented sin in your life? If God has been showing you what needs to change and you refuse, it will hinder your prayers. James 5:16 “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” (handout available)
• For husbands and wives – how are you treating your spouse? Even though this scripture is directed to husbands, it is a way to expose unrepented sin in either spouse. Most men have never even read 1 Peter 3:7 so it can be a real eye-opener! Amen!
Homework:
• Look up all the Bible verses on your teaching sheet. Think back to the how you have spoken to your spouse in the last few weeks. Was it gentle? Was it with understanding?
• Could any of the reasons listed above be a block to your prayers? Do you “ask amiss”? Any secret sin that needs to be brought into the light? Are you walking in unforgiveness with your spouse?
• Next week: 1 Peter 3:8-12 “Church in the World vs World in the World”
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TEACHING SHEET
"Submission: Marriage"
1 Peter 3:1-7
Pastor John Bright
Overall, in the Roman Empire, women had many rights. They could own a business, vote, hold some public offices, and own property. They even had more rights in marriage and divorce. They were also well educated. (NIV Commentary, 1 Peter, McKnight, 1996, 182-3) Jewish culture, on the other hand, severely limited the rights of women. Peter is speaking to both groups in the house churches of Asia Minor.
Peter writes to wives, v. 1-2
1 Peter 2:11-12 This time it mentions very specifically who is watching – husbands who are not yet Followers of Jesus. Peter is trying to make a point about the witness of a wife’s behavior to a husband that is not a part of the church. He is encouraging them to witness without words. This may have been the woman’s only option because leaving the husband’s religion to go another way could be seen as a betrayal. (NIV Commentary, 1 Peter, McKnight, 1996, 184)
A woman’s appearance v. 3-4
These verses give us some insight into who is a part of the house churches of Asia Minor – wealthy women. These women had a way of dressing – braided hair – and a type of jewelry – gold – and a type of dress – fine clothes like silk from China or linen from Egypt. “The Roman woman’s clothes were a part of the culture of the empire and often could say a lot about the person who wore them or even about the prosperity of her family. So, the wealthy women tried to show off as much as possible. Regardless of class, almost every woman tried to decorate themselves and look beautiful.”
https://owlcation.com/humanities/Womens-Clothes-in-Ancient-Rome
1 Timothy 2:9-10 Peter is making a comparison and a contrast between the outer appearance of a woman and the inner beauty of the heart.
(The Message Bible) Proverbs 27:15-16 “A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet; You can’t turn it off, and you can’t get away from it.”
Will the wife who is always griping and complaining at home be a good missionary to her husband? Is this behavior acceptable if you husband is already a Follower of Jesus? No – nagging and griping and complaining is NOT “very precious in the sight of God.”
Example from Scripture, v. 5-6
Peter uses the example of Sarah who followed Abraham everywhere God told him to go. She went along with a deception when they were in a foreign land and pretended to be his sister. She also referred to Abaraham as lord (with a little “l”) in Genesis 18:12 “Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, “After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?”” This “lord” (with a little “l”) is a word of respect for someone with greater authority.
Message to husbands, v. 7
The wording here – “dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife” – would make it hard for the Jesus Follower husband to DEMAND anything from his wife. That would include demands in the bedroom and demands for submission. God wants husbands to lift up their wives and give them a place of honor. Can all the husbands here strive for this? No pressure😊 Let me deal quickly with “weaker vessel.” In general, most men are physically stronger than most women.
A simple “check-in” to see where a person is in their prayer life:
• For everybody – what are you praying for? Too often, we pray for the circum-stances (E) to change when the Response is what needs to change so this is the right prayer – “Lord, change me.” James 4:3
• For everybody – do you have unrepented sin in your life? James 5:16
• For husbands and wives – how are you treating your spouse?
Homework:
• Look up all the Bible verses on your teaching sheet. Think back to the how you have spoken to your spouse in the last few weeks. Was it gentle? Was it with understanding?
• Could any of the reasons listed above be a block to your prayers? Do you “ask amiss”? Any secret sin that needs to be brought into the light? Are you walking in unforgiveness with your spouse?
• Next week: 1 Peter 3:8-12 “Church in the World vs World in the World”
