Staying Pure Series

Last one: So is a sin to be tempted? NO!

So here’s a scenario. You are experiencing some frustration in your marriage. It has been going on a long time. But there is this woman at work who treats you like you wish your wife treated you. She makes you feel like a man. There is this man at the office who is really nice to you and treats you with respect and tenderness. He makes you feel like a woman. Then one day something occurs to you - you didn’t mean to think it, it just jumped out of your mind. You think, "What if I was married to her? Or him?" Then you start the comparisons. Then the fantasies begin. Right then - at that moment - you need to get on the phone and call a trusted Christian friend and say, "I need your help and your prayers. I am being tempted to have an affair."

DO you remember what James said in chapter 5:16?

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed.

If we can confess our sins, then we have got to be able to confess our temptations. If you are a man, having a trusted brother who knows gives you some important accountability. If you are woman, having a sister to talk to helps to take the teeth out of that temptation.

Let me add a brief warning here. In the confused delirium of an attraction, we don’t always think too clearly. I had someone once ask me, "Do you think I should tell this woman that I’m attracted to her so that we can work on it together?"

Oh yeah, then wouldn’t you be the hero! What a nice, safe way to find out where you stand. If she doesn’t reciprocate the feelings you look good because of your desire to be a faithful Christian. If she does, then you’ll work on it together all right.

I believe that men should always confess to men. Women to women. We need to keep in the family of Christians, but we also need to keep it within the gender.

5. See your opposite sex relationships through the eyes of your spouse.

If Trista is jealous of the time I spend with another woman, than I am spending too much time with that woman. If I don’t feel comfortable with the just-friends relationship Trista has developed with another man, she is too close for comfort.

We are old enough and secure enough in our relationship not to spend all of our time being jealous of other people. But we are also wise enough to know that sometimes it looks different from another angle.

Walter Wangerin says, "Well, here is the one good purpose of your spouse’s jealousy; to act as the warning you may lack."

6. Root out every selfish inclination of your heart.

At its core, adultery is not about love. It is not even about lust. It is about selfishness.

The adulterer has determined that his or her desires and needs are more important than the marriage relationship. Really, you can’t violate the seventh commandment without first violating the first commandment; you shall have no other gods before me.

Before the first fantasy is ever played in your mind, before the first electric touch, before the first kiss of an adulterous affair, the first commandment has already been broken. Another god has won our allegiance. The god of self.