Singles And The Church Series

Singles and the Church

Selected Scriptures

Today we continue with our 3-part series on Singles. Last Sunday we looked at Singles and Marriage. Today, Singles and the Church. Next Sunday, Singles and Sex. These are not just for singles, but for everyone. So that we would value and share life with singles the way God intended.

In each message, I will begin with sensitivity training by reading an excerpt from Justin Holcomb's list of " Stupid Things People Say to Singles":

1. Put yourself out there.

2. If you just lost 20 pounds a guy would be able to see how wonderful you truly are.

3. God is trying to teach you something in this season. Once you learn it, he’ll bring you a spouse.

4. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’re next!

5. I have a friend who was 35 when she got married, there’s still hope for you too.

6. When you’re fully satisfied in God, then he’ll bring you a spouse.

7. You get to be married to Jesus. Just think of him as your husband.

8. Jesus and Paul were single on Valentines day, so you’re in good company.

9. I know you feel lonely and broken hearted, but Jesus literally had a broken heart, when they pierced it for your sins.

10. Loneliness is God’s way of drawing you to himself.

What makes these stupid sayings are the false assumptions: All singles want to or should get married. Marriage is equated with maturity; singleness is equated with immaturity. And married are more intimate with God than are singles.

According to the 2010 U.S. census, singles outnumber marrieds. This could be due to a variety of reasons: Singles are choosing to get married later or not at all. There is still a significant divorce rate in the U.S. adding to the single again population. How will the church respond?

Part of the solution is to strengthen marriage and family. But I believe part of the solution is to help singles to live fruitful lives in God's family, the church. As noted by Barry Danylak, who holds graduate degrees in Christian thoughts and biblical exegesis, "Islam, Judaism and Mormonism look to the book of Genesis for their value for marriage and family. [These religions provide no equal good news for single people.] Only Christianity [through the storyline and teachings of Jesus and Paul] affirms the value and goodness of singleness."

This morning we will look at ways the church can help singles flourish in God's family. These ways include understanding tensions, living together and making transitions. Let's look at each in detail.

First is understanding tensions. Proverbs 24:3 says, " By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established...." If it takes wisdom and understanding to build a house, how much more to build a home, a flourishing family of God.

What makes being single or relating to singles challenging is that there isn't one right answer to their desires or choices. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:1-2, "Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: 'It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.' But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband."

Married folks are set, at least our expectations of them. They don't have the freedom to go back and forth from married to single to married to single. Singles can go from, "I love being single and free!" to "Maybe she's the one?" in the blink of an eye. Or from, "God, I want to be holy." to "God will forgive me."

We need to understand that many singles wrestle with the tension for marriage and sexual relations. And God's family, the church need to first be honest and not hide from this struggle. Second, we need to echo Jesus' words to those caught in sexual immorality, "Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more." Third, we need to teach how to be and not just have to be holy. We'll talk more about singles and sex next week.

Another area of tension for singles is priority. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:32-34, "I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband."

This passage appears to point to the priority tension of marrieds who have to choose between pleasing God and pleasing spouse. In some way, it explains why marrieds could have a divided interest. And it gives singles no excuse to not be single-minded for the Lord. And because single Christians have no biblical justification to say "no" to serving God, they face a greater priority tension.