Sick Love

SICK LOVE (2 SAMUEL 13:1-22)

According to a team of scientists led by Dr. Helen Fisher at Rutgers, love can be broken down into three categories: lust, attraction (not physical), and attachment. Each category is characterized by its own set of hormones stemming from the brain (Table 1). Though there are overlaps and subtleties to each, each type is characterized by its own set of hormones. Testosterone and estrogen drive “lust,” while dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin create “attraction,” and oxytocin and vasopressin mediate “attachment.” https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/

The six sons David fathered in exile were Amnon from Ahinoam, Kileab from Abigail, Absalom from Maacah (daughter of the king of Geshur), Adonijah from Haggith, Shephatiah from Abital, and Ithream from Eglah (2 Sam 3:2-5). The three notorious As – Amon, Absalom and Adonijah (1 Kings 1) – featured prominently in David’s life. After he was king, David had more sons and daughters from the concubines and wives he took in Jerusalem (2 Sam 5:13). David’s sons and today’s readers, however, could not figure out whether he was a friend, a father or a foe to them.

How do you characterize your relationship with your parents, family and siblings? How have you helped them or hurt them? What can we do to treasure our children, parents or siblings?

True Love is Sacred, Not Scandalous

1 In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David. 2 Amnon became frustrated to the point of illness on account of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her. 3 Now Amnon had a friend named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David's brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. 4 He asked Amnon, "Why do you, the king's son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won't you tell me?" Amnon said to him, "I'm in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister." 5 "Go to bed and pretend to be ill," Jonadab said. "When your father comes to see you, say to him, 'I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.'" 6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, "I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand." 7 David sent word to Tamar at the palace: "Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him."

Incest is human sexual activity between family members or close relatives. The incest taboo is one of the most widespread of all cultural taboos, both in present and in past societies. Most modern societies have laws regarding incest or social restrictions on closely consanguineous marriages. A common justification for prohibiting incest is avoiding inbreeding, a collection of genetic disorders suffered by the children of parents with a close genetic relationship. Such children are at greater risk of congenital disorders, developmental and physical disability, and death; that risk is proportional to their parents' coefficient of relationship, a measure of how closely the parents are related genetically. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incest

The most scandalous thing happened in David’s family, but David the parent was the last to know. His eldest son Amnon fell in love with half-sister Tamar. Tamar was as “beautiful” as Sarai (Gen 12:11), Rachel (Gen 29:17) and Abigail (1 Sam 25:3) before her, but the Law forbade sexual relations with one’s sister or half-sister (Lev 18:9). Amnon’s unrequited ‘frustration” is translated as distressed Gen 32:7), vexed (2 Sam 13:2) and too narrow (Isa 49:19. It was an outrageous, offensive and objectionable obsession, more lust than love, more desire than devotion, more one-sided than mutual. His “illness” (v 2) can be translated as weak (Judg 16:7), diseased (1 Kings 15:23), wounded (1 Kings 22:34), grief (Isa 17:11) and travail (Jer 4:31). A reason (“ki”) was included in verse 2- for she was a virgin (v 2). Amnon was attracted to her body and beauty, regardless if she was his relative or sister.

Amnon’s cousin Jonadab commanded Amon with two imperatives (v 5) - “GO” and “ILL,” followed by two jussives or third person imperatives – “let her come” and “let her give,” and two purposes – “watch” and “eat.” Amnon’s lust was fanned, fueled and fed by the most treacherous, tasteless and twisted advice.

What was David’s part? First, David commanded Tamar with two imperatives “GO” and “DRESS” (v 7). The orders from the king and father were forceful, final but fatal. Second, more than merely permitted, David mightily persuaded Tamar to prepare food, unsure if he understood his son’s suggestion - “that I may eat at her hand.” (v 6) The father did not check or correct the outrageous, offensive and objectionable request. Third, he sent Tamar alone without friend, servant or brother. She was unaided, unaccompanied and unattended.