(Secion 1) Intro, Personality Types, Stages Of Love Series

RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE

INTRODUCTION

I. BEFORE YOU MEET

Attraction, Love, Beauty, Temperament, God designed you to be married

II. WHEN YOU MEET

Stages from meeting to intimacy.

III. BEFORE YOU PROMISE

Things to consider

IV. YOU PROMISED

Taking it serious

V. ENJOYING, ENDURING, DISSOLVING

Essential considerations to having a good marriage.

Things that destroy a marriage and result in a break down of the family.

Relationship and Marriage (Section 1)

A. Use song from Ruth: I will follow

B. Charles Swindoll received this letter from a woman who heard him speak. Humor has done a lot to help me in my spiritual life. How could I have raised twelve children starting at the age of thirty-two and not had a sense of humor? After your talk last night when I was having “fellowship” with friends I met here. I told them that I married at age thirty one. And, until then I had hung a pair of men’s pants on the bed and knelt down and prayer this prayer.

Father in Heaven hear my prayer,

And grant it if you can

I’ve hung a pair of trousers here,

Please fill them with a man.

Swindoll related this the following Sunday at his home church. A father and son of one family in his church was in attendance this Sunday but the mother and daughter of the family were at home due to sickness. About10-15 days later the mother sent a letter to her Pastor, Charles Swindoll, to discuss her son’s behavior and discuss whether or not he needed counseling. The son was hanging a bikini on his bed post at night. From Attitudes Charles Swindoll

C. Relationships and the ultimate relationship of marriage are the result of many complex functions and factors that are unique to each individual and relationship. To better understand these factors, we need to explore them. I want to begin with attraction to others, relationships that occur, points to consider before marriage, some important facts to developing a good marriage, and some factors that will destroy a marriage.

D. Reasons to present this in Sunday School

1. The family which is bound together by the institution of marriage is the plan of God to establish

strong churches, communities, and nations.

2. To have a strong church, we must have strong families with good marital relationships.

3. Many if not most of us have married, or will enter into marriage with little or no counseling.

4. Preparation for, and maintenance of marriage is a responsibility of the church.

5. There is a decline in the nation’s morals, a lack of commitment to marriage and a large increase in

divorce.

a. 40% of married men and 33% of married woman have extramarital affairs.

b. Divorce is up 700% over the last 50 years.

c. Our society’s focus has shifted from how to make the ideal marriage to how to have a painless divorce. Courtship After Marriage Zig Ziglar 1990

6. Five out of ten marriages end up in divorce. Of the 50% who stay married, only 17% or about one in

five are happily married. (I expect the rate of commitment and happiness to be higher in

true Christian home.

I. BEFORE YOU MEET

A. ATTRACTION, LOVE, AND CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS – INTRODUCTION

What attracts us to others and motivates us to spend more time with them? Another question that needs to be asked has intrigued philosophers, poets, and songwriters for centuries –what is love.

Is it lustful and passionate, or should we be more cautious in our pursuit of love, as a Czech proverb advises: “Do not choose your wife at a dance, but in the fields among the harvester.”

Of equal importance is why relationships dissolve. Many of us know all too well that an individual we thought was a marvelous human being and the one we wanted to spend the rest of our life with may not turn out to be so marvelous after all. Often it is said that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Often it is said that it is better to have loved and lost never to have loved at all; however, loneliness is a dark cloud over many lives, something few people want to feel. These are the themes of our exploration of close relationships: how they get started in the first place, the faces of love, how relationships are dissolved. Psychology: The Science of Mind and Behavior John w. Santrock, 1991 pgs 628-638

B. WHAT ATTRACTS US TO OTHERS IN THE FIRST PLACE?

1. Physical proximity does not guarantee that we will develop a positive relationship with someone; however, familiarity is a condition that is necessary for a close relationship to develop. For the most part, friends and lovers have been around each other for a long time; they may have grown up together, gone to high school or college together, worked together, or gone to the same social events. (A word of caution: Affairs are affected by the same principle of physical proximity. Married person can get too close to persons of the opposite sex other than their spouse. There tends to be something about being around someone in close quarters.)