Waiting for the Second Marshmallow
TCF Sermon
June 27, 2004
Opening illustration with marshmallows: invite three or four from congregation who really like marshmallows - give each one a marshmallow.
Ask them to hold it, wait until I’ve walked all the way around the auditorium. If they can wait until I’ve walked all the way around the auditorium, they’ll get a second marshmallow.
Or, they can eat that one right away......
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We’ve just illustrated an actual experiment that was conducted at Stanford University in the 1970s. They used pre-schoolers in that experiment, and they had to wait 15 minutes to get the second marshmallow. But you get the idea.
The experiment at Stanford was designed to investigate the power of temptation. Preschoolers were left alone with instructions that they could eat one marshmallow right away, or wait 15 minutes and get two marshmallows.
Some went for the immediate payoff; others held back, distracting themselves from the puffy white treat by singing, trying to sleep or covering their eyes.
A decade later, researchers tracked down the children and, according to news reports, found that those who had waited for the second marshmallow were smarter and more self-confident.
What this research made clear, lines up closely with what the Word of God teaches. There’s a real benefit to the ability to resist temptation... especially in the realm of sin.
Delayed gratification serves a real purpose in the Kingdom of God. Waiting for the second marshmallow is a skill worth developing, worth cultivating by the power of the Holy Spirit.
That’s why I’m calling this morning’s message:
Waiting for the Second Marshmallow
Because when we learn to wait for the second marshmallow, so to speak,we learn to resist the urges that often lead us into sin, and we learn to wait on God’s good and perfect best for our lives.
After reading this story about the Stanford study, two passages of scripture came to mind. One is related to the principle of delayed gratification, the other to temptation. These concepts, while not identical, are closely related. While delayed gratification doesn’t necessarily involve something that’s sinful, temptation often, though not always, does involve something sinful.
The first passage relates to temptation.
1 Cor. 10:11-13 These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come. 12So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
The other passage relates to delayed gratification.
Hebrews 12:2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
For the joy he knew would come if He obeyed, Jesus waited to enjoy His rightful place in glory, He endured pain and suffering. He denied Himself.
Part of our problem these days is that we live in an instant gratification culture. The constant message our society delivers is: You can have it now!
How many times, and in how many contexts have you seen that message? I did a little Google search on the internet for that phrase, and had almost 2,200 pages come back. They were related to everything from:
home improvement loans:
Flexiplan - The easier way to pay - Because we know what it’s like when you’ve absolutely got to have it now, we’ve created Flexiplan - a specially designed finance package for all of your home improvements. With Flexiplan you can have it now and spread the costs.
to your dream home:
“Affordable” is redefined at The Ridge. If you thought you’d have to wait for your dream home because you couldn’t afford it now—think again. You don’t have to wait. You can have it, and you can have it now— at The Ridge.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with convenience, there’s nothing wrong with a mortgage...unless you can’t afford it...or a nice home... many of us pay for convenience, many have a nice home, or a mortgage, or both. But it’s the attitude that’s presented in these things that’s troubling, and it relates to what we’re looking at this morning. How many of us in my generation have parents that owned a home?
If so, I’m guessing that many of our parents didn’t have anything close to their “dream home” until they were well along in years, if they ever had what they would classify as their “dream home.”
Yet we, their children, often live in homes as nice or nicer than our parents do or ever did, at a much younger age than they did. Now, you might say that’s in part due to our more affluent society, and there’s clearly some truth to that.
Because of the education and other advantages that our parents provided, we have more means at a younger age then they did. But part of it is our instant gratification culture.
Our parents worked their tails off for years, and scrimped and saved, to get enough money to buy the things they wanted. My generation has an expectation that they can and should have it now. That’s why young families, often much younger than me, go deeply into debt to purchase larger homes than they can really afford. They want to have it now. They don’t want to work their way up. They don’t want to scrimp and save and sacrifice the way their parents did. They don’t want what they used to call
“starter” homes. They want to have it all, and to have it now. This perspective is why credit card debt is such an insidious thing in our culture.
Yes, of course, you can have it now – but you still have to pay later.
It’s the same thing with sin, isn’t it?
You can have that moment of pleasure, satisfaction, whatever, now, but what we so often forget, is that there is a cost. The cost may not be immediate. Because of that, we often cannot see the cost. But there is a cost.
We usually think of temptation in the realm of sin, and rightly so. Sin, of course, is a Christian concept... a religious concept. But it seems our culture is becoming more aware of how the inability to resist temptation is negatively impacting our society. It might not seem like a national problem. But you’ll find many social experts who note that the inability to resist certain temptations is reflected in a wide variety of social problems.
Divorce is impacted greatly by the inability of both men and women to resist straying from their marriage vows – adultery is a huge factor in many divorces.
Teen pregnancy is a costly problem because teens can’t say no to their raging hormones. Drug abuse costs our society billions of dollars, because drug users cannot say no to the buzz they get from their drug of choice.
That momentary pleasure costs individuals, and costs society, in more ways than we can recall this morning. Research studies show that people with strong self-control are happier. People with little or no self-control are generally in trouble.
They’re often in trouble financially, relationally, legally, emotionally, and of course, spiritually, and in some circumstances, all of the above.
And then there are the rest of us, in between, who exhibit great self-control, or some self-control, or little self-control, depending on the area of life we’re looking at.
And sometimes a bit of all three levels of self-control, with the very same issue, depending on the time and place. We’re all in the same boat.
That’s what Paul is telling us in 1 Cor. 10. The New Living Translation says it this way:
12 If you think you are standing strong, be careful, for you, too, may fall into the same sin. 13 But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience.
None of us is above temptation. As soon as we think we’re invulnerable, we’re in big trouble. A summary of vs. 12 and 13: might be paraphrased: Look out, look around, look up, look for the way out.
The first time I ever paid any real attention to this passage of scripture was a clear illustration of how dangerous it is to take sin, to take temptation, as less than a deadly serious threat to our spiritual and emotional well-being.
There was a house church pastor in this fellowship - those of you who were here in the early 1980s remember him.
Barb and I were in his house church. For several weeks, he dwelt on this passage, he read it aloud in our house church meetings. Later, we found out that he was living in these verses. He thought he was standing firm, yet he was getting ready to fall.
Also, he apparently never took the “way out” of that temptation that our faithful God promised. I don’t know if he ignored it, didn’t see it, didn’t act on it when he had it offered.
But he didn’t take the way out of his sin, and he left his wife, already pregnant with their third son, for another woman. He got the other woman pregnant.
The elders followed the church discipline procedure carefully, and eventually were compelled publicly to disfellowship him from TCF, right from this pulpit in a Sunday morning service.
There were very serious consequences to his sin, and they’re still manifest in many ways to this day, more than 20 years later. For months thereafter, I pondered this verse.
Where did he go wrong? When did the temptation give birth to sin? What was the way out? Why didn’t he take it?
Or were there many “ways out” of the sin that he so clearly walked into with his eyes wide open. I saw this verse for the first time as a warning to the overly self-confident.
Self-confidence has nothing to do with the ability to resist temptation. Will power has little impact all by itself. I saw the mistakes he made. It alerted me to my own vulnerability. It made me realize we’re all vulnerable.
And while I do not spend my life worrying about falling into the same sin, I also realize that, short of my daily immersion in God’s grace and mercy, through prayer, through His Word, through relationship with my brothers and sisters in Christ, and short of my constant vigilance, being on guard, I, too, could fall.
I must keep hedges, barriers, boundaries, between myself and sin. If I don’t, I’m foolish, and I’m headed for a fall.
Matthew Henry noted:
“Carnal desires get head by indulgence, and therefore should be observed and checked in their first rise: if once they prevail, and bear sway in us, we know not whither they will carry us. This caution stands first, because carnal appetites indulged, are the root and source of much sin. “
he continues:
“He that thinks he stands should not be confident and secure, but upon his guard. Others have fallen, and so may we. And then we are most likely to fall when we are most confident of our own strength, and thereupon most apt to be secure, and off our guard. Distrust of himself, putting him at once upon vigilance and dependence on God, is the Christian’s best security against all sin.”
Now, here’s an interesting “secular” perspective on temptation that really speaks volumes about a biblical understanding.
Psychologist Nick Baylis of Cambridge University said that although self-control might seem limiting, it actually "enables us to behave in line with our deepest principles and most treasured goals" by freeing us from "slavery to temporary appetites."
Paul wrote often in the epistles about being either a slave to sin, or a slave to righteousness.
We as believers recognize it’s about much more than self-control....which after all, is a fruit of the Holy Spirit in our lives, it’s about the control of the Holy Spirit in our lives. And self-control, this ability to curb our fleshly desires, is impossible without the Holy Spirit at work.
What this psychologist said is true. Self-control, developing, nurturing, cooperating with God the Holy Spirit in empowering a self-controlled life, enables and equips us to live in line with the Word of God, which would encompass our deepest principles, and frees us from slavery to sin.
But that doesn’t mean it’s easy, does it?
There was a Los Angeles Times article in April that addressed these issues of temptation and self-gratification. In this article, they quoted Christian author and college professor Dallas Willard:
On a deeper level, temptation is driven by
"dissatisfaction with life and what you’ve got," says Dallas Willard, a University of Southern California philosophy professor. The No. 1 antidote, he says, is to "find a way to be grateful and thankful, and then dwell on it, because temptation thrives on dissatisfaction."
Did you ever think about that? Temptation thrives on dissatisfaction. And with dissatisfaction, the first temptation we face is to complain, followed by acting on the dissatisfaction. That’s the context of this passage of scripture we read, too, by the way.
The beginning of the passage says, These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us.
What “these things” is Paul talking about?
Well, there are many sins of the people of Israel recounted in the previous verses, but the verse immediately preceding this says:
1 Cor. 10:10 And do not grumble, as some of them did--and were killed by the destroying angel.
Unfortunately, the temptation to grumble when we’re dissatisfied is only the beginning. What do you think are the greatest temptations Christians struggle with?
I’m guessing that we’d find that it’s a little different in almost any group, however, I found this survey interesting.
A survey of Discipleship Journal readers ranked areas of greatest spiritual challenge to them:
1. Materialism.
2. Pride.
3. Self-centeredness.
4. Laziness.
5. (Tie) Anger/Bitterness.
5. (Tie) Sexual lust.
7. Envy.
8. Gluttony.
9. Lying.
Does this match your top 10? Where do you see yourself in this list?
The other interesting thing about this survey was this:
Survey respondents noted temptations were more potent when:
1. they had neglected their time with God (81 percent)
2. when they were physically tired (57 percent).
How did they go about resisting temptation?
1. prayer (84%)
2. avoiding compromising situations (76%)
3. Bible study (66%)
4. being accountable to someone (52%)
I would add at least one more important factor.... and even with this, I don’t think the list is exhaustive by any means.
Mark Twain said “There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.”
Am I saying we should live in fear? Well, the fear of God, yes.
But what I’m getting at here is consequences. It’s what Alcoholics Anonymous calls “Think through the drink.”
What we usually think about in the face of temptation, is the satisfaction or pleasure that we’ll enjoy if we give in. In a twisted sense, "we enjoy temptation," says Dallas Willard. "We like to turn it over in our minds and think about how it would be if we gave in." Once that happens, "your feet are on the ice."
As we mentioned, in Alcoholics Anonymous, this technique is called "think through the drink.” Let your imagination run past the pleasure of satisfying the impulse, to the guilt you’ll feel after giving in, and to long-range health, relationship and career consequences. "Usually there are bigger costs down the line."
Sometimes we don’t even have to think about the spiritual cost of sin. Not that we shouldn’t – in fact as believers, this is where we should start, because our sin cost Jesus His life. Our sin cost Jesus unimaginable pain and suffering.
Those things in and of themselves should be enough for Christians to avoid sin. But even the temporal cost of sin, considered seriously in advance, is often enough to stop that temptation dead in its tracks.
I once spoke with a man who admitted he was viewing pornography on his work computer. I asked him if he knew how easy it would be for his employer to find that out? He said he never did it with anyone around. I told him that didn’t matter, because anyone with any computer savvy could do just a little bit of research, and discover every site he visited.
And that even though those images weren’t immediately on the screen, it was a rather simple matter to find them, because most of them were still on the computer, whether he was online or not.
Then I asked him to think with me for a moment of the worst-case scenario. Let’s assume no one catches him viewing this material on the spot. But someone did a simple search and discovered what he was doing. The first thing is, he would probably lose his job.
Then, people at his work would know why, and he’d feel ashamed and embarrassed. Then, people he didn’t work with would want to know why he was now unemployed. Then, his family would want to know why he lost his job.
Then, he’d have to come up with a way to explain to a future employer why he lost his job. Then, he could never use that employer as a reference, and even if he didn’t, but was honest about his employment history, his employer would tell potential employers why he was fired.
So, one way or another, he’d have trouble finding a job. Because if he told the truth, the truth would cost him.
And if he didn’t tell the truth, but an employer found out he’d falsified his application, he’s in more trouble still.
What we did together that day was “think through the drink.” That is, think beyond the momentary satisfaction, to the guilt, to the shame, and then to the consequence on consequence piled ever higher and higher, until it’s almost overwhelming.
That’s a hedge of protection.
Now, this kind of thinking is not an insurmountable barrier. Because some people think of consequences and still go ahead and sin. But many people would be stopped along the path to a serious sin, if they just thought about the consequences.
Some of you may remember the comedian Flip Wilson. He had a show on in the late 60s and early 70s. And he had this character named Geraldine.
Geraldine would always say: “the devil made me do it.” I think scripture is clear that the devil doesn’t make anyone do anything.
It’s our own sin nature that leads us into sin. The devil made me do it is just an excuse. Clearly, the devil adds to temptation, and does everything in his power to coax us into sin.
So, I’m not discounting his influence. It’s a significant influence, and we’d be foolish to underestimate it.
But the word says:
James 1:14-15 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
So, using this birthing analogy, the devil may be the midwife, but he didn’t conceive the baby. For the most part, he’s using the sin nature that’s already in us to encourage us to fall, to fail, to sin. Satan cannot tempt us by implanting evil desires...He can only tempt us with the evil that’s already in us.
Occasionally, people might fall into temptation, but much more often, we make plans for sin ahead of time.
There’s the story of the father instructing his son. "Son," ordered a father, "Don’t swim in that canal." "OK, Dad," he answered. But he came home carrying a wet bathing suit that evening. "Where have you been?" demanded the father. "Swimming in the canal," answered the boy. "Didn’t I tell you not to swim there?" asked the father. “Yes, Sir," answered the boy. "Why did you?" he asked. "Well, Dad," he explained, "I had my bathing suit with me and I couldn’t resist the temptation." "Why did you take your bathing suit with you?" he questioned. "So I’d be prepared to swim, in case I was tempted," he replied. Too many of us expect to sin and excite sin and plan for it.
The remedy for such dangerous action is found in Romans 13:14:
Romans 13:14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.
The phrase “make no provision” means literally, do not make forethought...in other words, don’t plan in advance to sin. Don’t prepare to sin.
Charles Spurgeon said:
“What settings are you in when you fall? Avoid them. What props do you have that support your sin? Eliminate them. What people are you usually with? Avoid them. There are two equally damning lies Satan wants us to believe: 1) Just once won’t hurt. 2) Now that you have ruined your life, you are beyond God’s use, and might as well enjoy sinning. Learn to say no. It will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin."
On the TV show "Hee Haw," Doc Campbell is confronted by a patient who says he broke his arm in two places. The doc replies, "Well then, stay out of them places!"
Now, I’m not usually looking to Hee Haw for deep spiritual truth, but in this case...think about it.
We cannot regularly put ourselves in the face of temptation and not be affected. That’s why the Word says:
1 Cor. 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
1 Cor. 10:14 Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry.
1 Tim. 6:11 But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.
2 Tim. 2:22 Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
Yet, there’s also a time for resisting, and that’s when the enemy adds his voice to our temptations.
James 4:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
1 Peter 5:9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
So, while there are some sins we must flee, and would be foolish to stand and fight, there’s a time when we must stand firm against the enemy of our souls.
And we must know ourselves. We must recognize our sin nature, be honest with ourselves. Rather than plan to sin, as we looked at a minute ago, we must plan to be obedient.
When our sinful desires are upon us, we don’t want advice, we don’t want help. At that moment, we want to satisfy our sinful desires. That’s why the best time to learn the danger of pursuing any sin, is long before the temptations come.
Resistance, or fleeing, is easier, when the decision to do so has already been made. Prepare for temptation by deciding now how you will act when you face it.
That’s part of the reason behind the success of teen abstinence programs like “true love waits.” Teens sign a pledge, a commitment, to remain sexually pure before marriage. Then, when the almost inevitable temptation hits them, they have their decision and their commitment to guide them.
Let’s learn from the mistakes of those who’ve gone before us. As it notes in 1 Cor 10....these things were written as examples. We have a responsibility to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in overcoming temptation.
In closing, I’d like to read this quote from Jerry Bridges The Pursuit of Holiness:
“Too often, we say we are “defeated” by this or that sin. No, we are not defeated, we are simply disobedient. It might be well if we stopped using the terms “victory” and “defeat” to describe our progress in holiness. Rather, we should use the terms obedience and disobedience. When I say I am defeated by some sin, I am unconsciously slipping out from under my responsibility. I am saying something outside of myself has defeated me. But when I say I am disobedient, that places the responsibility for my sin squarely on me. We may, in fact, be defeated, but the reason we are defeated is because we have chosen to disobey. Only as we accept our responsibility and appropriate God’s provisions will we make any progress in our pursuit of holiness.”
This is one of those “both/and” situations. We must utilize the provision, the equipping God has given for our holiness, for our ability to resist temptation. Yet, the emphasis is always on the faithfulness of God.
1 Cor 10: 13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.
God is faithful....He doesn’t leave us powerless to resist temptation. He doesn’t make it impossible for us to wait for the second marshmallow.
