(This sermon is based on the book “The Peacemaker” by Ken Sande. Alot of the information in this sermon was gleaned from his book.)
Intro: Three burley fellows on huge motorcycles pulled up to a highway café where a truck driver, just a little guy, was perched on a stool quietly eating his lunch. As the three fellows came in, they spotted him, grabbed his food away from him and laughed in his face. The truck driver said nothing. He got up, paid for his food and walked out. One of the three cyclists, unhappy that they hadn’t succeeded in provoking the little man into a fight, commented to the waitress: “Boy, he sure wasn’t much of a man, was he?” The waitress replied, “Well, I guess not.” Then, looking out the window, she added, “I guess he’s not much of a truck driver, either. He just ran over three motorcycles.” (1001 Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking by Michael Hodgin)
For the next few weeks we’re going to be looking at what the Bible says about conflict and how we are supposed to deal with it. What is conflict? Conflict is a difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires. For example, it can be as minor as squeezing the toothpaste from the top or bottom (or which ever way you prefer). It can be as major as your child dating someone you entirely do not approve of. Anytime there is a difference in opinion that frustrates someones goals or desires—there is conflict.
You know, when we go through a conflict we often times feel as if we were the only ones going through conflict. Well, conflict is nothing new. It has always been around and guess what? As long as there are people, there will always be conflict. There was conflict between Adam and Eve. “The man said, the woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from tree, and I ate it.” Genesis 3:12 Adam and Eve’s son’s had conflict too that ended in murder. “The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.” Genesis 4:4-5 There was conflict between Moses and the people of Israel. Jesus even had conflict with his disciples.
When we think of conflict though we think it is always bad. But in reality some differences are natural and beneficial. In other words, healthy conflict can help us out. God has made us differently on purpose. We have different make up, different out looks on life, different things we enjoy doing. God didn’t make us up that way to confuse us but to help us. To learn from one another. When handled properly, disagreements can stimulate productive dialogue, encourage creativity, promote helpful change and generally make life more interesting. For example,
On the other side of the coin, not all conflict is neutral or beneficial either. Many disagreements are the direct result of sinful motives or behavior. James 4:1-2 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t’ they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight.” When conflict is the result of sinful desires or actions that are too serious to be overlooked, we need to deal with them in a straightforward manner.
Many of us know the Bible tells us we need to deal with conflict yet we fail to do it. We react in all kinds of ways. We react. We flee. We freeze. Let’s face it, nobody likes conflict (if you do I’m worried about you.) There are two ways to deal with conflict—God’s way or the wrong way. What I hope to accomplish by this sermon series is to teach you and I how to respond to conflict God’s way. In essence, that we would be peacemakers!
Jesus was serious about maintaining unity and peace. First of all he wants you to experience peace with God. You do that by turning over the leadership of your life to Jesus Christ. Secondly, he wants you to have peace with yourself. This is ultimately accomplished when you turn your life to Christ and your sins are forgiven. Oh, how sweet it is to be forgiven! Thirdly (and the point we are emphasizing today) is that he wants you to be peace with others. Why was Jesus so adamant about maintaining peace? Because his reputation depends on it !
READ JOHN 17:20-23
And according to the Bible there is a radically different way to respond to conflict. Look at 1 Corinthians 10:31-11:1.
Do it all to the glory of God. And that includes the way we handle conflict! So, how do we glorify God (magnify God, make his name great/desirable).
1). You can trust God.
When you are in a conflict you, too, must decide whether or not you will trust God. Trusting God does not mean believing that he will do all that you want, but rather, that he will do everything that he knows is good. God is not interested in your comfort but in developing your character. It’s not fun going through family conflicts but you and I must remember to trust God. We are not immune to conflict but we must be ready for it. And when we go through it, we must seek our best to trust in the creator of our lives. For our God is sovereign.
2). You can obey God.
Secondly, you can obey God.
John 5:3 “This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome.”
2 John 5-6 says, “And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.
In John 14:15-31—Five times Jesus talks about obedience to the Father in this passage. In the Jewish culture, one way to emphasize a point was to say it two or three times. To repeat something 5x’s gave it great weight. You and I glorify God—by obeying God through conflict. For example, Peter asked Jesus how many times do I forgive my brother when he sins against me, up to seven times? I tell you not seven times but 77 times! Some translations say 70 X 7 times. At the time of their conversation rabbis limited opportunities for forgiveness for a given sin up to three times. Peter might have thought his offer of seven times was generous. Jesus is saying, there is no limit to forgiveness!
When we forgive as the Bible teaches to do, there is freedom! And when we forgive…God is glorified! More about forgiveness next week.
3) You can imitate God.
When we imitate God we are glorifying him! Ephesians 5:1 says, “Be imitators of God as dearly loved children and live a life of love.” 1 John 2:6 says, “Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.
How do we imitate God through conflict? By loving our enemies. By praying for those who mistreat us. When was the last time you prayed for someone who wronged you, threatened you, mistreated you? I know it’s difficult. There was a time a couple of years ago when I was in the middle of a conflict with someone (family). I knew I was being talked about. I was hurt and I was mad. I lost sleep over it. It was a struggle to pray for them. But the more I did the more my heart opened up and made room to love them.
**Every time you and I encounter a conflict, we have an opportunity to show what we really think about God!
DRAMA CLIP
So, we’ve seen today how we can glorify God through conflict. I want to briefly share with you now some personal benefits to glorifying God in a conflict. When you glorify God:
A). You are less dependant on the results.
Even if others refuse to respond positively to your efforts to make peace, you can find comfort and encouragement in the knowledge that God is pleased with your obedience. Just this week Amanda came to me and apologized for something that had happened a couple of weeks earlier. I can’t tell you how mad I wanted to be at her! I wanted to get even. I wanted her to know how much I was hurt. But she did the right thing. The choice was now mine to make on how I was going to respond.
B). You grow to become more like Christ.
God uses the problems found in conflict to stretch and challenge you in carefully tailored ways. The process is sometimes referred to as the ABC of spiritual growth—Adversity Builds Character.
If there is one thing I can leave with you here to remember it would be found in this sentence: Worry less about going through conflict and focus more on growing through conflict.
You see, he may use conflict to remind you of your weaknesses and encourage you to depend more on him. He may use conflict to uncover sinful attitudes and habits in your life. But when you glorify God you grow to become more like Christ.
CONCLUSION:
In the coming weeks I want to refer to this topic as not conflict management but stewarding conflict. What do I mean by that? Jesus talked a lot about managing things. He usually referred to a servant who had been entrusted by his master with certain resources and responsibilities. Whenever you are involved in a conflict, God has given you a management opportunity with all his resources at your disposal.
So, be informed. You have reliable guidance at your fingertips. We’re going to study God’s word on Sunday mornings and in our G2’s more about this topic.
Be dependent. Know you are not alone. God has a vital role in helping you manage conflict.
Be realistic. Turn to people who are going to be honest with you not just tell you what you want to hear.
Be faithful. 1Cor. 4:2 “Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful.” Be faithful and leave the results up to God!
