My “Other” Life
TCF Sermon
February 7, 1999
A lawyer in San Diego filed a lawsuit against the city because, during a rock concert at a city facility, he was "forced" (that’s the word the news item used) to use the women’s restroom. GET THIS: he also sued the company that SOLD HIM THE BEER!
•Outraged by a referee’s call, several Washington Redskins fans filed a lawsuit in federal court demanding it be overturned.
- The University of Michigan was sued for $853,000 by a disgruntled student who received an F in German.
•A convict who escaped from prison sued his county and the sheriff for negligence in allowing him to escape. Another convict sued his county and sheriff for the emotional stress he suffered while trying to escape.
•A 9-year-old girl sued the makers of Cracker Jacks because her box contained no prize.
•The National Parks Service was sued for $2.5 million when visitors to a federal park were struck by lightning.
- a surfer filed a lawsuit because another surfer stole his wave
- a Los Angeles lawyer sued a colleague for causing him “mental anguish” because the colleague joked about the death of Grateful Dead guitarist Jerry Garcia - you have to like lawyers suing lawyers
• A man sued the St. Paul Saints baseball team for $50,000 after allegedly getting hurt while participating in a grocery chain’s “Shop ‘Til You Drop” contest during a baseball game. The man said the baseball club never warned him that the contest required physical exertion.
• The city of Brooklyn Park, MN was sued by a man who was asked to cut down a diseased tree on his property. The man put a ladder on top of his van and began cutting the tree. He sued the city when he fell and hurt his head. The city spent $4,000 defending itself.
-A drunk woman’s estate received $1 million after she entered a closed city park and drowned in three feet of water. The state appellate court reversed the decision.
TV’s "Politically Incorrect" host Bill Maher points out, "If you blame an accident caused by your own stupidity on corporate negligence -- because no one told you not to be an idiot -- you’re contributing to the breakdown of our system."
What do all these things have in common?
They reflect our culture of blame, but our culture of blame is only one aspect of a larger human tendency that even we believers must battle. It’s the idea of being concerned about “the other guy” - in the areas of things such as:
1. blame for problems or circumstances
2. forgiveness and judgment
3. recognition or lack of it
4. justifying ourselves
5. jealousy, even the good things that happen to someone else
That’s why this message is called My “Other” Life - not because I have a secret job as a double-naught spy that none of you know about, but because much of our attention, our thought-life, is concerned about the “other” person, to the extent that we ignore or miss what God wants to do in us as individuals.
You may remember the riots in April 1992 after the first Rodney King trial verdict was handed down. The media blamed it on racism; they blamed it on poverty. Responding to those riots, former Secretary of Education William J. Bennett said that, instead, "the blame for riots and killings rests with the rioters and killers. To suggest otherwise undermines the efforts of decent, law-abiding parents and their children, the majority of whom did not participate in riots. We most need to affirm belief in individual responsibility..."
While this is clearly a problem in our culture today, it’s a problem in humanity as old as history. In James 1:14 it says that sin cannot be blamed on external factors; it is always the result of a person being led astray by his or her own desires – “each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away
and enticed.”
This illustrates a real difficulty we face, which scripture addresses in several contexts, including one in Matthew 7, beginning with verse 1: read Matt 7:1-5.
What we will look at in-depth in just a moment is the last verse of this short passage, verse 5, which says, “You hypocrite! First take the plank out of your own eye....”
This verse shows God’s response to much of this “other” guy problem of blame, recognition, forgiveness, jealousy, justifying ourselves, etc.
God’s response is to look at yourself first, examine your own heart first. However, before we get into that, I want to take a short detour.
Must detour to be clear here, because this is a passage that is probably among the most abused in all of the Bible, and we could point to many examples in current events. Especially verse 1: judge not, lest you be judged.
What I’m afraid has happened is that this verse has been so abused, so misapplied, that we believers have the tendency to miss what it’s really saying altogether, and consequently lose the emphasis in verse five, which after all, points out what we are to do “first.”
This passage is used by the world, and even by some well-meaning believers, too, to imply, or outright state, that we are not to judge, period, end of sentence.
There are times that scripture makes it clear we must make a judgment: Jesus noted in John 7:24 that we are to “judge with righteous judgment”...
- 1 Cor. 5:9-13 talks about how we are to “judge those who are inside” the local church.
- 1 John 4:1 says we are to “test the spirits”
- Galatians 6:1 says that if anyone is caught in sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently...” --- something you cannot do without first making a judgment that something is sin
- 1 Tim. 6:3 says that “if anyone teaches false doctrines and does not agree to the sound instruction of our Lord Jesus Christ and to godly teaching, he is conceited and understands nothing.”
That sure sounds like a judgment to me!
Even the very context of this passage indicates we are to judge when it’s appropriate: verse 5: “then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
When Matthew 7:1 is used to forbid any condemnation of evil or sin, it’s a clear abuse of scripture. So, proper, biblical judgment is not only appropriate for believers, it’s required by scripture in specific circumstances.
Let’s not make the mistake of throwing the baby out with the bathwater... let’s not use this verse as an excuse to shirk our responsibility to judge, to discern, to distinguish the difference between right and wrong.
However, moving forward, with that understanding as a background, we find this passage, and many others we’ll look at, telling us not to judge, telling us to look at our own hearts first.
There are areas in which we should judge, others where we should not...
We should not judge:
1. people’s motives - cannot know why they do what they do, we can’t see what’s in their minds
2. service of another believer - to His own Master he stands or falls
3. conscientious scruples about things that are morally neutral
4. outward appearances - what’s in the heart is what counts
5. harshly, critically - “a habitual fault-finder is a poor advertisement for
the Christian faith” - William McDonald
Think about this:
- the Holy Spirit is the only One in the true position to criticize
- He alone is able to show what is wrong without hurting and wounding.
Oswald Chambers noted in My Utmost for His Highest that Jesus would say to us as disciples: “cultivate the uncritical temper. It is not done once and for all. Beware of anything that puts you in the superior person’s place..... Stop having a measuring rod for other people. There is always one fact more in every man’s case about which we know nothing.”
In other words, we don’t see everything, we don’t know all the facts. Chambers also notes: “Who of us would dare to stand before God and say “My God-judge me as I have judged my fellow men?” We have judged our fellow men as sinners; if God should judge us like that we would be in hell. God judges us through the marvelous atonement of Jesus Christ.”
In James 4:11, 12, He gives a command in verse 11 and then supplies a number of reasons for stating that command. The command is, literally: "Stop judging your brother." Evidently this was an ongoing problem in the church at the time that James wrote this book, and it is still with us today.
Criticism is probably the most widespread sin among Christians. It is a passion we can indulge without feeling much guilt because we have devised ways to disguise it. Our criticism can even take the form of an expression of concern or care for others. We can elicit prayer for them and criticize them all in the same breath. This is a way of venting our critical, judgmental, harsh, carping, loveless spirit.
But James says, "Stop it!" The primary reason is not that it injures the person who is criticized. There are ways that the individual who is the object of our criticism can be salvaged.
The concern is not so much for the person who is the object of our criticism but, rather, it is for us, because a critical spirit devastates us. It does something terrible to the inner man. It makes us harsh and unloving, relentless and cold.
Dave talked about bitterness a few weeks ago, and how we should nip it in the bud. Bitterness is always the result of the “other” syndrome gone unchecked...
Back to Matthew 7: The sense in which Jesus uses the word judge here is:
- Do not be hypercritical, judgmental, of your brother.
- Do not be a faultfinder
In verse 3 Jesus said, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"
The Greek word for look here means: “to gaze at, to keep looking at something.”
Jesus is speaking of a person who has no time to consider the huge plank in his own eye, but who is always looking for the slightest misstep of everyone else. So Jesus is telling us, "Do do not be a faultfinder. Do not pronounce a final judgment of condemnation on your brother. That is God’s business, not yours."
We are not supposed to judge without love and mercy. Ancient rabbis spoke about two measures of judgment, justice and mercy, and you must ask yourself what measure are you going to use. Some people use only justice, although they want to be judged all the time with the measure of mercy. But here Jesus speaks against this kind of behavior.
He was speaking against judging by appearance, which he himself prohibited in John 7:24, knowing that God judges not by outward appearance but on the basis of one’s heart.
Therefore, when Jesus said "Judge not" he was not speaking against the legitimate use of the critical powers God gave us to make judgments. No, he was speaking against any judgment that is not based on the Word.
John 7:24 says “judge with righteous judgment.” Just as importantly, Jesus said we should first deal with ourselves in Matthew 7: “First take the log, the plank, the beam, out of your own eye."
That principle is taught elsewhere in the NT. Galatians 6:4 says, But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another."
I Corinthians 11:31 says, "But if we judge ourselves rightly, we should not be judged."
II Corinthians 13:5 says, “Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith. Examine yourselves!"
One thing can be said with certainty about judging others: While we are judging another it becomes more difficult to do an acceptable job of judging ourselves. That is one of the many problems of a person with a judgmental or critical spirit: He seldom looks at himself with the same scrutiny with which he looks at others.
Now such a one will often argue and say, "I do look at myself. I know I’m not perfect! But at least I’m not as bad as they are." But the trouble is that he uses his naked eye on his own faults, or worse, an eye clouded with debris, but uses a microscope on others. Consequently, quite often he has glaring faults that are seen by everyone but himself - one of the most glaring being his hyper-critical spirit!
Why is it that my dirt is never as dirty as your dirt, from my perspective, and your dirt is never as dirty as my dirt, from your perspective? My sin never seems as sinful as the sin of others either. And that is what Jesus is referring to here. I have a log in my eye and find it quite easy to ignore, but that speck in your eye is glaringly obvious.
If you feel that you have no faults, that makes another one. You know, the truth is that I really don’t have the right to demand you to remove your problem without first acknowledging and going to work on my own.
That is what Jesus had in mind. In marriage (and other relationships) what usually happens is partners develop an attitude of "I’d move if you would. If you’d just take out that speck, I’d work on my log."
Jesus said it needs to be the other way around. You deal with yourself first.
Further, you’re a hypocrite until you do! (Look again at what he said: "You hypocrite, first take ...").
In the summer of 1986, two ships collided in the Black Sea off the coast of Russia. Hundreds of passengers died as they were hurled into the icy waters below. News of the disaster was further darkened when an investigation revealed the cause of the accident. It wasn’t a technology problem like radar malfunction--or even thick fog - it wasn’t a y2k problem come too early. The cause was human stubbornness. Each captain was aware of the other ship’s presence nearby. Both could have steered clear, but according to news reports, neither captain wanted to give way to the other. Each was too proud to yield first. By the time they came to their senses, it was too late.
In many ways, God has been working this message in me for about 20 years - that’s how long I’ve been married. Marriage and other kinds of close relationships are usually the crucible in which this message of looking at your own heart first is forged with fire.
God revealed to me early in my marriage this fact: He is most often not concerned with who’s right or wrong in any conflict or argument . That was bothersome to me, because I was usually right. What He was concerned with was my response, my attitude, my heart. Many times in our marriage, I’m convicted to be the first to apologize in a conflict, not necessarily because I was
wrong about the issue in conflict, but because my response was wrong, my attitude was wrong.
I’ve also found that once that’s done, who’s right or wrong is a lot less important to me too. Back to our passage:
The Greek word here is the word from which we get hypocrite, interesting in that it means, literally, “stage actor.”
Thus, what Jesus is saying is, "Stage actor---you who are trying to play the role of the true judge of all living---you need first to be judged by me...."
This word is a chilling reminder that when we try to judge someone else, we are actually trying to play God in their lives, both in the sense of judging them and in the sense of trying to fix their problem. When seen in this context, this term “stage actor" is very convicting indeed!
Why?
Not so much because a man whose vision was impaired could hardly see to remove the speck - though that’s certainly true. It’smore because he was behaving as though he saw perfectly! When God is dealing with each of us as individuals, He’s much less concerned about the other guy than He is with me.
The reverse is true, too: when He’s dealing with you, He’s not as concerned with me. Now, the truth is, it’s the same for all of us who would be open to the shaping and molding influence of the Holy Spirit.
How important is this idea that we deal with ourselves first, and not be so concerned with others?
Look what kind of company scripture puts this in:
- it’s so important that Peter classified being a busybody, or a meddler in other people’s affairs, right along with being a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, a criminal.
1 Peter 4:15 says, “if you suffer, it should not be as a murderer, or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler.”
“Meddler” is translated “busybody” in the KJV, and there are two words translated as “busybody” in the N.T. The Greek word used in 2 Thessalonians 3:11 and 1 Tim 5:13 means “busy about trifles and neglectful of important matters, especially busy about other folks affairs - used of a person inquisitive about others’ affairs.
The Greek in 1 Peter 4:15, where being a busybody or meddler is classified with all these other heinous things, means one who takes supervision of affairs pertaining to others, and not himself.
In the case of judgment, having a "me first" attitude is perfectly okay.
This is an area in which knowing ourselves is important. Ann Landers said, “Know Yourself. Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
There are additional areas where this “other guy” syndrome infects us. As we looked at in the beginning, blame is an easy one. Jim Grinnell says that blame is the world’s shadow of what Scripture calls “the accuser of the brethren,” which of course, is our enemy, the devil, as described in Rev. 12:10.
We live in a world that’s very good at blame - as we noted earlier, we live in a culture of blame - everybody’s blaming somebody else for something...it’s always the other guys fault. Blame is as old as the Garden of Eden - Adam blamed Eve, didn’t he?
One evening several college students spread limburger cheese on the upper lip of a sleeping fraternity brother. Upon awakening the young man sniffed, looked around, and said, “This room stinks!” He then walked into the hall and said, “This hall stinks!” Leaving the dormitory he exclaimed, “The whole world stinks!”
Blame is the classic way the enemy tempts us to have the smell on our upper lip and say the whole world stinks - as if it stinks and we don’t.
In addressing this issue of our “other” life, Oswald Chambers said this:
Another thing that distracts us is the lust of vindication. St Augustine prayed “O Lord, deliver me from this lust of always vindicating myself.” That temper of mind destroys the soul’s faith in God. “I must explain myself; I must get people to understand.” Our Lord never explained anything; He left mistakes to correct themselves. When we discern that people are not going on spiritually and allow the discernment to turn to criticism, we block our way to God. God never gives us discernment in order that we may criticize, but that we may intercede.
In her later years Corrie Ten Boom told this story: "I wish I could say that after a long and fruitful life, traveling the world, I had learned to forgive all my enemies. I wish I could say that merciful and charitable thoughts just naturally flowed from me and on to others. But they don’t. I recall the time--and I was almost 70--when some Christian friends whom I loved and trusted did something which hurt me. You would have thought that, having been able to forgive the guards in Ravensbruck, forgiving Christian friends would be child’s play. It wasn’t. For weeks I seethed inside. But at least I asked God again to work His miracle in me. And again it happened: first the cold-blooded decision, then the flood of joy and peace. I had forgiven my friends; I was restored to my Father. Then, why was I suddenly awake in the middle of the night, rehashing the whole affair again? ‘My friends!’ I thought. ‘People I loved. If it had been strangers, I wouldn’t have minded so.’ "I sat up and switched on the light. ‘Father, I thought it was all forgiven. Please help me do it.’ "But the next night I woke up again. They’d talked so sweetly too! Never a hint of what they were planning. ‘Father!’ I cried in alarm. ‘Help me!’ Then it was that another secret of forgiveness became evident. It is not enough to simply say, ‘I forgive you.’ I must also begin to live it out. And in my case, that meant acting as though their sins, like mine, were buried in the depths of the deepest sea. The reason the thoughts kept coming back to me was that I kept turning their sin over in my mind. He still had more to teach me, however, from this single episode. Many years later, after I had passed my eightieth birthday, an American friend came to visit me in Holland. As we sat in my little apartment he asked me about those people from long ago who had taken advantage of me. ‘It is nothing,’ I said a little smugly. ‘It is all forgiven.’ "‘By you, yes,’ he said. ‘But what about them? Have they accepted your forgiveness?’ They say there is nothing to forgive! They deny it ever happened. No matter what they say, though, I can prove they were wrong.’ I went eagerly to my desk. ‘See, I have it in black and white! I saved all their letters and I can show you where...’ "‘Corrie! ‘Aren’t you the one whose sins are at the bottom of the sea? Yet are the sins of your friends etched in black and white?’
"For an astonishing moment I could not find my voice. ‘Lord Jesus,’ I whispered at last, ‘who takes all my sins away, forgive me for preserving all these years the evidence against others! Give me the grace to burn all the blacks and whites as a sweet-smelling sacrifice to Your glory.’ I did not go to sleep that night until I had gone through my desk and pulled out those letters—curling now with age—and fed them all into my little coal-burning grate. As the flames leaped and glowed, so did my heart.” end quote
When we live by heaven’s record keeping instead of our own, we refuse to keep track of the wrongs that have been inflicted upon us. God’s love moves us to forgive instead of keeping score. Only heavenly record keeping enables us to see others through God’s eyes.
And that’s a key to beginning to overcome our “other” life. Note that it took a great saint like Corrie ten Boom years to deal with this.
As we noted earlier, Oswald Chambers said we should cultivate an uncritical spirit - it’s not something we decide to do today and it’s done. But, as we begin to live by heaven’s record keeping instead of our own, remembering that God judges us according to His mercy:
Titus 3:5: He saved us, not on the basis of deeds we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy...
As we remember less the wrongs that have been inflicted on us, as we remember God’s love which moves us to forgive instead of keeping score,
as we begin to allow God to help us see others through His eyes of love, grace, mercy and compassion, we can and will overcome our “other” life.
"What difference does it make to you what someone else becomes, or says, or does? You do not need to answer for others, only for yourself."
Thomas A Kempis (C. 1380-1471)
As we close, let our prayers be along these lines:
O Lord, remember not only the men and woman of good will, but also those of ill will. But do not remember all of the suffering they have inflicted upon us:
Instead remember the fruits we have borne because of this suffering- our fellowship, our loyalty to one another, our humility, our courage, our generosity, the greatness of heart that has grown from this trouble. When our persecutors come to be judged by you, let all of these fruits that we have borne be their forgiveness. Found in the clothing of a dead child at Ravensbruck concentration camp.
"Dear Lord,
When I am wrong, make me easy to change;
When I am right, make me easy to live with."
— Peter Marshall
Let’s cultivate an attitude that consistently looks at our own hearts first.
Let’s pray...
