The Search For Significance
For Husbands and Wives
April 13, 2002
Intro: Last week I introduced this new series of messages by saying God has created us significant and he has significant things for us to do. He has many “good works” prepared for us to accomplish because we belong to him. I believe that one of the first places God has significant things prepared for us to do is in the home. As a husband or wife and or parent you can help make or break the future of those you live with. Now, I’m not negating personal responsibility—but your children are more likely to make some decisions based on what they saw their parents doing and living than anything else. Our families are in crisis today. Did you know there are as many divorces taken place in families who attend church as there are outside the church? Although that is a sad statistic there is hope. There is hope because I know there are many in this room tonight who are serious about their walk with God and what he wants to do in your homes.
Transition: Tonight I want to talk about significance for husbands and wives and how you can make an impact on your spouse. I realize that not everyone in here is married but I hope you will see how valuable this message is for you especially if you hope to marry one day.
Let’s read Ephesians 5:22-33 on the screen:
Transition: I realize that for many people these verses might not set well. It definitely doesn’t sound politically correct and “out of date with the new millennium.” But the Biblical calling for men and women must be captured if we are going to make the mark God wants us to make in our homes.
You see God is very intentional about how he structured the family and specifically the husband and wife relationship. It was not something that he half way did. He did designed it for a purpose. Husbands, you have a calling to fulfill. Wives you have a calling to fulfill. And the Apostle Paul clearly spells that out for us. It is a way to first of all bring order to the family.
Wives: God has called you to be submissive to your husband. Now before you throw tomatoes at me or tune me out please pay careful attention to the things I have to share tonight. Before I dive into that I want to first talk about the husbands role. I think a good grasp of the husbands role or calling in a marriage helps explain why submission is not only necessary but the best and easiest thing for the wife to do. The scripture clearly says for husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. I find it fascinating that God uses the marriage relationship to illustrate Christ’s relationship to us. “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands.” I wonder what kind of conclusions people are drawing about God based on our marriages? It’s a good question to soberly think about.
Men, God has called us to love our wives as Christ loves the church. I want us to really stop and think about this. This is some kind of love he is asking us to demonstrate and live out on a daily basis. Now, you tell me: Based on what you know about Christ, how does he lead and love his church? He was a servant. He took responsibility for the church. He laid his life down for the church. In the same way, we are to do the same with our bride. The kind of love we should have is an exclusive love; a love you have for no other woman. It should also be a realistic love. Falling in love with an imperfect person. I have news for you guys you might hear there is the “perfect girl” out there. That’s not true. You might meet the one who you think is perfect but spend enough time with her and you’ll see the imperfections creep in. It’s amazing to think that Jesus (a perfect being) would love an imperfect me. This love is also a sacrificial love, laying down your life before her.
ILLUSTRATION:
We have an example of the principle of "headship" in the recent tragedy involving the U.S. submarine Greeneville, which a few months ago surfaced suddenly underneath a Japanese fishing trawler off Pearl Harbor, sinking it and killing nine people. Since then, the skipper of the sub, commander Scott Waddle, has narrowly avoided a court-martial, and he is now resigning from the Navy, his promising career ruined. Why is that? Did he personally operate the controls that caused the sub to surface? No. Was he the sonar operator who was supposed to be monitoring the vessels in the area to make sure that none were too close? No. And what about the civilians on board? Weren’t they interfering with the activities of the crew? Quite possibly. But Scott Waddle was the skipper of that sub; he was in charge, and so it was his responsibility to make sure that the submarine was operating in a safe manner. The buck stopped with him. Men, in our marriages the buck stops with us. We are responsible before God.
Men, it is a tremendous calling to lead our wives. Being the leader of our homes does not mean we have the job of drill sergeant. John Piper said, “the husband who plops himself down in front of the t.v. and orders his wife around like a slave has abandoned Christ in favor of Archie Bunker.”
ILLUSTRATION: There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says "I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, ’get out from under the bed and fight like a man’." Contributed by: Rob Morton WWW.SERMONCENTRAL.COM
It is a high calling to love and serve our wives. But unfortunately I don’t think many of us men get this. It has been said that “most marriage problems are rooted in the fact that husbands do not love their wives as they ought” (D. Soremon—marriage scholar).
You are making a significant impact when you love your wife with the same kind of love Jesus has for the church. So, understand your calling as head of your wife. This headship means your primary responsibility to your wife is to demonstrate Christ-like love and lay down your life in servant leadership for her.
I really hope that knowing and dwelling and mediating on this truth makes “submission” a little easier to understand. The command for women to submit to their husbands does not mean you become a door mat. It does not mean you lose your identity. It does not mean you don’t have a say so in family discussions and decisions. Unfortunatley the media and the feminist movement has painted the picture of submission as some form of enslavement. But, genuine Biblical submission is this: A divine calling to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it out. Let’s be honest here. What wife in her right mind would want to respond with this submission when her husband treats her as Christ does the church?
ILLUSTRATION: Wife Taken for Granted Too Long, Citation: Robert Leslie Holmes, God’s Man (Kregel, 1998)] A man accompanied his friend home for dinner and was impressed by the way he entered his house, asked his wife how her day went, and told her she looked pretty. Then, after they embraced, she served dinner. After they ate, the husband complimented his wife on the meal and thanked her for it. When the two fellows were alone, the visitor asked, "Why do you treat your wife so well?" "Because she deserves it, and it makes our marriage happier," replied the host. Impressed, the visitor decided to adopt the idea. Arriving home, he embraced his wife and said, "You look wonderful!" For good measure he added, "Sweetheart, I’m the luckiest guy in the world." His wife burst into tears. Bewildered, he asked her, "What in the world’s the matter?"
She wept, "What a day! Billy fought at school. The refrigerator quit and spoiled the groceries. And now you’ve come home drunk!" www. Sermoncentral.com
I want to say a word about verse 24 of Ephesians 5: “…so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Notice the word “everything.” The assumption is that the husband is a Spirit-filled believer and has a close walk with him. God would never say it is o.k. to submit to something immoral. You are to submit to your husbands leadership but you stop before he leads you into sin. Don’t follow your husband into sin.
Ladies, that will probably happen in your marriage. Just like there are no “perfect” women well there are no perfect men. Let’s be honest, men are prone to making some wrong choices in life. Men, you are not infallible. There might be some ladies here who might be wondering about what happens in a situation where the husband is making a wrong choice. For many, the woman would say, you are crazy, you are a fool. The Biblical response should be, “I am so excited that you take the leadership in our home and are serious about making the right choices. But, I would like to discuss this a little more before you make the final decision. Can we talk about this some more, maybe even tonight? This is an example of submitting to one another. IF he is walking with God he will honor your input and be willing to listen.
This is how God wants it to work. The calling for the man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church and lead his wife and family in a God-centered way. The wife is to respond to that love and the husbands calling with honor and respect and willfully submitting to his role and helping him carry out his role. Men, loving like Christ will bring great results into your marriage. Martin Luther said, “Let the wife make her husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.”
When the marriage relationship is working God’s way look at the significant possiblilities:
· A fulfilled marriage. I didn’t say problem free. Two imperfect people coming together will result in some difficulties. But it can still be the kind of marriage God intented.
· A great evangelistic tool. Remember, the marriage relationship illustrates Christ’s relationship to the world. What is your marriage communincating to others?
· An example to your children. What greater legacy to leave for your children than the legacy that you spent your married years God’s way. Now, I realize there might be some here tonight whose marriages didn’t work God’s way. If it didn’t and you have found God’s mercy be honest with your children about your marriage. You don’t have to give all the details but just share how you feel your marriage wasn’t in line with what God wanted. Use it as a teachable moment for your children.
I realize also that there are those here who desperately want God’s idea of the marriage relationship but your spouse doesn’t. Maybe they are not a believer or they are out of step with God. What do I do? Let’s read 1Peter 3:1-4 in (The Message) translation: You need to preach a wordless sermon to them. Live out your life in front of them. Let that do the preaching. You just continue to be faithful to the Lord.
In closing tonight I want us to look at verse 32 of Ephesians 5. Paul says that marriage is a profound mystery. We will not understand it completely but one thing is for sure, don’t take it lightly. Single people, be very careful who you pick as a mate!
Do you want your marriage to make a significant impact on each other and the world around you? Capture the calling God has given both of you. If your marriage is not where it needs to be you must first of all recognize it. Don’t deny it. But then, do something about it. I’ve asked Susie Bowden to come and share something about this.
The best place to start is reading the scriptures together and praying together as a couple.
Invitation: Spouses come and pray. Children come and pray for your parents.
