Alba 12-7-2025
LOVE DOES NOT SEEK ITS OWN
I Corinthians 13:5
I Corinthians 13 continues to describe what love is not. It says in verse five that love, “does not seek its own”. Other translations say that love does not “insist on its own way”, “doesn't think about itself”, or “is not self-seeking”. In other words, love is not selfish. That is a hard lesson to learn sometimes. There was a mother who was headed to McDonald’s with her five year old son one day. And as they drove, they passed a car accident. The mother had a practice of encouraging her children to pray for those who might be hurt. So the mom pointed and said to her son, “We should pray.” From the back seat she heard his prayer: “Please, God, don’t let those cars block the entrance to the McDonald’s.” Even our prayers can become selfish.
Selfishness refers to actions or behaviors primarily motivated by an individual’s interests, often at the expense of others or without consideration for others’ needs. It implies a focus on self-benefit, whether consciously or unconsciously. Again, scripture says that love “does not seek its own”. A person who does everything for their own gain, especially when that gain comes at the expense of others, obviously does not care about others and, by definition, does not love others.
These days, a lot of people are demanding their “rights” and live in such a way as to trample the rights of others. There are those who are always thinking of what life owes them. But there are others who never forget what they owe to life.
Thankfully we have examples of those who didn't put themselves first. As we approach this Christmas season, we have the example of Mary, who had the privilege to become the mother of Jesus. In Luke chapter one it tells how the angel Gabriel came to Mary and told her she was blessed among women. Now, she didn't come from a rich family. She didn't live in an upscale community. So she didn't understand this message because she would not be considered anyone special, and it troubled her. So the angel told her not to be afraid, she had found favor with God.
But then she was told something that must have sounded fantastic to her. The angel said she would become pregnant and give birth to a son. And she was told that this child would be the “Son of the highest” and that God would give Him the throne of His father, David! And that of His kingdom there would be not end!
Now that sounded amazing! But Mary goes back to the question of pregnancy. She asks, “How can this be?” You know, she was engaged, betrothed, but there was no union between Mary and Joseph during this time. It would have been considered shameful if there had been any pre-marital relations between them while only being engaged. Don't you wish that were still true today? We live in such a loose society that anything goes. And what has gone is a respect for moral guidelines that results in a culture that spurns God's design for spiritually healthy living.
But Mary did not live like that. By all evidence she was morally pure and believed in and trusted God. And if you think about it, isn't that the kind of person that God would choose to be the one through whom He would bring the Savior into this world?
In answer to Mary's question as to how this could happen, the angel told her that it would be miraculous. By means of the Holy Spirit she would become pregnant, not from any man. And “that Holy One who is to be born will be called the Son of God”. It is believed Mary was just a teenager. What a big task for a fairly young girl. And besides that, how would she explain it to Joseph, who was planning to marry her. So this presented a conundrum. You know, a real doozie of a situation. What was she to do? How should she react?
Now if God were to show you something that He had planned for you that in your mind seemed both impossible and carried with it many likely downsides, what would you do? Would you say, “Thanks God, but this doesn't really fit into my plans right now.” I wonder how many good things God has in store for any and all of us, but we were more interested in seeking our own interests than fulfilling God's plan and way.
But thankfully, that was not Mary's reaction. Oh, she could have said to the angel, “God is asking too much from me.” But Mary that was not Mary's reaction. A young woman today might have said, "I’ve got a career to think about ... I’ve got my plans, my ambitions, what about my dreams...”
The cost of Mary saying “yes” would be quite high. It could cost her her reputation. She was a virgin. She was engaged to be married to Joseph. And now she would be pregnant!?? So what would she say?... “This really isn’t convenient for me”... “Uh, God, Can’t you get somebody else?” No. This is what Mary said: “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38). She was saying yes, if this is the Lord's will, I will do it.
Mary did not say “no”, because she was willing for God’s will to be done. In spite of the cost of following God’s plan for her life, Mary had a choice, and she chose to surrender to God’s will. She desired God’s will most of all. That would be another reason God that would choose her to be the mother of Jesus. And God continues to accomplish His purposes by choosing those who seek Him and His will, rather than those who seek own selfish goals.
Mary had a love for God that caused her not to seek her own, or to insist on things being done her way and her way alone. That quality by itself is reason enough for us to admire and to emulate this young girl. It is a character trait that young girls today should follow. Young men as well. And, for that matter, any of us who are older as well. Like Mary, we should not be seeking selfish goals or ways. Better things happen when we yield to God's plan. For Mary, it took nine months to become a reality. For us, it may be sooner or it may take more time. But if it is God's will, it will be good.
But Mary is not the only example in the New Testament of someone who, because of love did not seek His own. The best example is found in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He knew exactly why He came to this earth. He said it Himself in Luke 19:10 that He had “come to seek and to save that which was lost.” And He knew exactly how that would happen. In Matthew 16:21 Jesus predicted His death and resurrection. It says, “From that time Jesus began to show to His disciples that He must go to Jerusalem, and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised the third day.”
You would think that the disciples would have caught on to what was going to happen. But they were just as slow-witted as we are sometimes. Wouldn't it be great if we could get everything right the first time? What we see with the disciples is that as the time drew near for all that Jesus had told them about what was soon to happen, they were tired and more concerned about their need to rest. They couldn't stay awake even though Jesus had told them to watch and pray.
That was the night that Jesus had shared the Passover meal with the disciples. That was the night that Jesus made it quite clear that Judas would betray Him, and the disciples would have known it if they had been paying attention. That was the night that all of them went to the Garden of Gethsemane just outside of Jerusalem, and Jesus went to pray alone. That was the night before the crucifixion.
When faced with this most challenging time of His life on this earth, what does Jesus do? He does what comes naturally to Him: He prays. And it wasn't just a simple little prayer. Luke 22:44 tells us about His prayer that night. It says, “And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.”
And what did He pray? Luke chapter 22 tells us that after He told the disciples, “Pray that you may not enter into temptation”, it says, “He was withdrawn from them about a stone’s throw, and He knelt down and prayed, saying, “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me.” That may sound like Jesus is backing out. That He is not willing to do what was necessary for our sins to be forgiven. But the next words of His prayer shows us for all time that Jesus has a love that does not seek its own. Unselfishly Jesus prayed, “Nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.” It was a prayer of surrender. Jesus was willing to surrender His will to that of the Father, even though He knew what that meant, and the pain He would endure.
How many times have we gotten upset because things did not go the way we wanted them to, and then instead of praying to God, we get mad? Why? Because, without saying it, our attitude is “My way, or the highway”. That is a dangerous attitude because, as Timothy was warned in II Timothy 3:1-2, “But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves.”
The list of things that accompany perilous times is longer, but first on the list is that people will be lovers of themselves. And Romans 3:10-11, quoting from Old Testament passages, says, “There is none righteous, no, not one; There is none who understands; there is none who seeks after God.” That is because they are seeking only with selfish motives.
While our text is sometimes translated that love does not demand or insist on its own way. Most translations use the word seek which is said to be the better translation. It is the same word that Jesus used in the Sermon on the Mount when He commanded His listeners to “Seek first the kingdom of God”. It is a verb that describes an all-consuming quest that won’t quit until it finds what it is seeking. We need to be actively pursuing a close knowledge of and intimacy with Jesus Christ. We need to be seeking the will of God for our life.
The kind of love being described here in First Corinthians 13:5 is that which is completely contrary to our natural tendency to pursue what we want for ourselves, which comes often at the expense of others. Genuine biblical love does exactly the opposite – it puts the interests of others ahead of our own. True love does not demand its own way. Such love does not seek to gain, but to give. It is a love that is concerned about meeting the needs of the other person. That is the kind of love God has for you and for me. So we must seek His way above our own.
In all things, we should do as Isaiah 55:6 calls us to do, “Seek the Lord while He may be found, Call upon Him while He is near.” The Lord is not hiding. We will be able to find Him if we put selfish motives behind, and open our eyes to His presence.
When the Lord promised the Israelites who had been taken captive to Babylon that He would return them to their homeland, He said in Jeremiah 29:12-13 “Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” That is when we will discover a love that truly does not seek its own.
Philippians 2:4 tells us, “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” And then it shows how that is done in the next three verses. It tells us to, “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.”
Thank God that He so loved us that Jesus would do that for us. And while we don't have to die on a cross to show a love that does not seek its own, I am sure that we all can do a better job of loving others in a more unselfish way.
CLOSE:
There are people who say, or at least act like, “It’s my way or the high way!” But, if we want to love better, we must remember… The “high” way is to not seek my way.
You may have heard the story of two friends who met for dinner in a restaurant. Each requested a filet of sole, and after a few minutes, the waiter returned with their order. Two pieces of fish, a large and a small, were on the same platter.
One of the men proceeded to serve his friend. He placed the small piece on a plate and handed it across the table. “Well, you certainly do have nerve!” Exclaimed his friend. “What's troubling you?” asked the other. “Look what you've done,” he answered. “You’ve given me the little piece and kept the big one for yourself.”
“How would you have done it?” the man asked. His friend replied, “If I were serving, I would give you the big piece.” “Well,” replied the man, “I've got it, haven’t I?”
At this, they both laughed. Daily Bread August 11, 1992.
Have you ever been around a person who makes everything about themself? But, if we want to love better, we must remember… The “high” way is to not seek my way.
