Alba 6-8-2025
ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS ABOUT MARRIAGE
I Corinthians 7:1-40
Several websites have a list of answers to questions about love and marriage from six to ten year olds. One question was “How do you decide who to marry?” Alan, age 10, said, “You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports. And she should keep the chips and dip coming.”
Kristin, age 10, seems to have a fatalistic idea of marriage when she answered that same question. She said, “No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all the way before, and you get to find our later who you're stuck with.”
And in answer to the question: “How to make love endure”, an 8 year old boy named Roger replied, “Don’t forget your wife’s name. That will mess up the love.” And Natalie, age 9, said, “Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind. Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch.” Good advice! But if you want really good advice about love and marriage, the Bible is the place to go.
In First Corinthians chapter seven, the apostle Paul deals in depth with the subjects of marriage and singleness. It was his Holy Spirit guided response to the people in the Corinthian church who had questions about those things. He starts the chapter with: “Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me.” We don't have their letter, but we do have Paul's answers.
His answers were needed by that congregation so many years ago, and they are needed in our time, and they apply to us as well. We need this information to understand how to live in the way that will keep us within the Will of God. I must warn you that this gets fairly specific about human sexuality.
Today’s young people see a version of human relationships on TV and in the movies portrayed in graphic detail, sex without love or commitment. The biblical view of love and marriage stands in sharp contrast to what Hollywood promotes. God made it clear from the beginning that it was not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). So God made woman to be his companion and helper. God brought the two together and instructed them to hold fast to one another in loving commitment and permanence. Eric, age 6, seemed to understand that. He said, “Marriage is when you get to keep your girl, and don't have to give her back to her parents!”
Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.” The biblical view of marriage is more than that of two people who just happen to live under the same roof. In a true marriage there is a sharing of a life – with all its joys and sorrows. In a true marriage the two become “one flesh,” and it is more than just a sexual union. The oneness is an acknowledgment of the couple’s interdependence.
The fact that Paul has already addressed the issue of sexual immorality in the previous chapter, it is not surprising that the first question he replied to had to do with marriage. The statement, “It is good for a man not to touch a woman”, is believed to be a question coming to Paul from the Corinthians. If so, it appears to be a question asking: “Should a married person continue to be sexually intimate with their married partner after becoming a Christian? Wouldn't it be more appropriate for married people who have received the Holy Spirit to live celibate lives?”
Paul disagrees completely. Here is what he wrote in First Corinthians 7:2-5, “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Paul’s answer is that sex is a very important part of marriage. Both husbands and wives owe it to each other to be sexually connected. The only concession he gives for an abstinence from married sex is by mutual consent for a short time to devote yourselves to prayer.
Given the availability of sex on demand in Corinth through ritual prostitution, he says people who are married should have relations with their husband or wife and no other. Will marriage solve all the problems of immorality? No. Not if there isn't a strong commitment to doing things God's way. In answer to the question, “How would the world be different if people didn't get married?”, Roberta, age 7, said, “You can be sure of one thing, the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now.” But Paul says that if the marriage fulfills the needs of each partner, then there is less chance of Christians acting in an immoral way.
The second question that Paul seems to be addressing is the question, “Should the unmarried marry?” Paul’s short answer is – “Maybe. There is a place for celibate singleness, but only for those who have that gift.” Anita, age 9, had a thought about this. She said, “It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.”
Paul wrote in I Corinthians 7:7-9 “For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Verse nine seems to apply to Bert, age 5, who said, “Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife!” It sounds like his passion was already burning.
God has made us male and female, and He has made us for marriage. Yet, as we see from this chapter, there is no obligation that anyone has to get married and have a family. In fact, Paul himself was unmarried. He even recommends the single life to certain people and in certain circumstances.
Marriage and celibacy are both gifts of God. Not everybody is the same. Some are able to maintain a celibate existence and some are not. There is nothing wrong with either celibacy or marriage. Paul was gifted with the capacity to be single and celibate, and this enabled him to devote his full energies to the service of Jesus. As a single person, he could accomplish some things that otherwise could not be accomplished for the Lord by a married person. But, of course, the opposite is also true. There are things that married people can do that single people cannot.
But then Paul gives two reasons why he would recommend staying single. The first has to do with the “present distress” mentioned in verse 26. Because of that, Paul suggests remaining unmarried. Likely persecutions were already happening to the believers at Corinth. And enduring persecution could be greater for those who have concern for their children and their spouse. Secondly, Paul felt that Jesus would be coming back soon saying in verse 29, “The time is short”. And in verse 31 he says that, “the form of this world is passing away.” In view of those things, Paul wanted the Corinthians to be free from concerns and distractions in their service to the Lord (vs. 32).
Paul clarifies his point on remaining single in verse 35, “I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord” (NIV). Although, Paul does go on to say that if anyone decides to marry, even with all these considerations, he is not sinning.
In verses 36-38, there are different readings depending on which version of the Bible you may have. Some versions refer to a young man who is engaged (NIV). And other versions refer to a father who is thinking about his engaged daughter (NASB). Nevertheless, Paul's answer is the same: “Marriage and singleness are not sins. If the choice is marriage (good), and if it is celibacy (better).” In both cases Paul’s appeal is for what best allows one to serve the Lord.
A third question that Paul seems to be answering is the question, “Is divorce permitted for the Christian?” Paul’s short answer is “No. Divorce is not God’s will for a Christian couple.” Here Paul offers the instruction of Jesus Himself. In verses 10 and 11 Paul wrote, “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.” Believers are supposed to live out their marital commitments in love and fidelity. Malachi 2:16 makes God's position clear saying, “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce.” So do we, don't we? Even when it seems to need to happen.
But what if a marriage just isn’t working? Those Corinthians and modern Americans would tend to answer, “Get a divorce and try again with someone else.” That, of course, is not the biblical answer. In Matthew 19, Jesus said that divorce was allowed because of the hardening of human hearts, and then explains that God’s intention was for marriages to last a lifetime. Yet, Jesus also states that divorce is permitted under the circumstance of unfaithfulness.
And in this passage, Paul says that divorce is also allowable when a non-Christian leaves a Christian spouse. More on that in a moment. We need to keep in mind that Paul is not attempting to cover every question or possibility that might be faced. He is simply answering specific questions the Corinthians had asked.
Another question Paul seems to be answering is, “When one partner becomes a Christian, should the marriage continue with the non-Christian?” Paul’s answer: “Yes. The Christian is not to leave simply because their partner is not a believer.” If the non-believer is willing, then the two should stay together. The marriage is not to be broken by the believer.
The reason for this is that Paul says the whole family has a special blessing because of the belief of the one partner. This doesn’t mean automatic salvation for either the unbelieving spouse or children, but it does mean that the family will have the unique blessing of God upon it.
I think we can imagine why this question would come up. It would be easy for the new Christian, in a desire to fully serve the Lord, to think that the non-Christian spouse is either holding them back or contaminating them spiritually. God hopes, and we can hope, that the unbelieving spouse will eventually see Christ in the believing spouse and become a Christian. It is something that can take many years.
But Paul is ready to acknowledge that the nonbeliever may not want to stick around after their spouse becomes a Christian. If the nonbeliever wants to break off the relationship, the believer is not to force remaining in the marriage. The ideal though, is for the marriage to stay intact, and for the nonbeliever to be converted to Christ. Paul is one who had experienced a dramatic reversal from being a persecutor to preacher, so he was not about to underestimate the power of God’s love and grace to change people, and neither should we.
A final question Paul seems to be answering is, “What about Christian widows? Are they free to remarry?” Paul’s answer is: “Yes. The marriage is terminated by death, and the surviving partner is free to remarry. But only in the Lord.” The widow's second marriage should be to someone, and in some manner, to advance the kingdom. But in Paul’s judgment, he thinks the widow or widower should remain single, likely for the same reasons he mentioned earlier when he talked about the unmarried.
Well, we have covered a lot of ground this morning. And there are many like Floyd, age 9 who said, “Love is foolish ... but I still might try it sometime.” Under all this frank talk about marriage and sex, celibacy and divorce is the call of Jesus for us to have a relationship with Him. In verse 23, Paul reminds us again that we were bought with a price. Jesus was our sacrifice on that cross.
All of us are imperfect people who need Jesus. We need what He did for us on that cross so that we could be forgiven. Jesus offers grace and mercy that removes and covers our sins, which enables us to become ministers of reconciliation in a world of battered and bruised people. God loves us and wants to save us, both from the present and eternal consequences of our sins.
It is because of what Jesus has done for us that we can serve God in any circumstance. So in whatever situation we find ourselves, we should do our best to serve God there. Whether single, married, widowed or divorced, let’s be sure to keep our focus on spiritual things.
As Paul says, let’s understand and appreciate the fact that the time we have on this earth is short. We need to regularly examine our lives and focus our priorities; to do our best to center our lives, and our relationships with family and friends, on the things of the Lord. That is God's call to us.
CLOSE:
God wants us to choose His best for us. That is why His Word gives good instructions about how to live, and how to conduct ourselves in every area of life. The choices we make are important.
I heard about a suicide bomber in Afghanistan who changed his mind after police confronted him. He decided not to go through with his suicide mission after seeing people go into a mosque to pray. As he was taking off his vest, it accidentally exploded and he was killed.
Every choice we make has consequences. The instructions in God's Word concerning love and marriage, or staying single, will help us to not make a decision we would regret. But thankfully, even if that would happen, the Bible tells us that God in His love will not reject us, if we will come to Him and acknowledge our need for His mercy.
Much of the basis for this sermon comes from a message entitled “Spiritual Counsel About Marriage” by David Owens who ministers with the Wetzel Road Church of Christ in Liverpool, New York.
