Last Sunday, we began a series devoted to bringing the change into our lives that we’ve always longed for. It’s a series devoted to explaining, promoting, and advocating living life with the fruit of the Spirit. Ask the person sitting next to you if they know the fruit of the Spirit. If not, here they are: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23).
Today, I want to speak on how you can become more loving. We will look at each of the fruit of the Spirit in turn over the course of the summer. I want to offer you hope that you can become a more loving person and that life can be more fulfilling.
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:1-13).
Certainly, this is among the most beautiful passages in all of the Bible. It is difficult to overstate the importance of love or our need for love. Love is the third most frequently searched-for word in the dictionary. And Christianity, in particular, offers a unique angle of love, an exclusive angle that had we not possess Jesus’ words on love, we would be utterly hopeless. It’s Jesus who tells us that all the commands of the Bible can be reduced to loving God and loving others: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 22:37-40). And it’s Jesus who tells us to love our enemies: “But I say to you, ‘Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…” (Mathew 5:44).
The Power of Love
In preparation for this message, I read an interesting article called, The Power of Love, written by Ellen McGrath, and in the opening two paragraphs in this article, she has this to say:
Love is as critical for your mind and body as oxygen. It is not negotiable. The more connected you are the healthier you will be, both physically and emotionally. The less connected you are the more you are at risk. It is also true that the less love you have the more depression you are likely to experience in your life. Love is probably the best antidepressant there is, because one of the most common sources of depression is feeling unloved. Most depressed people do not love themselves, and they do not feel loved by others. They also are very self focused making them less attractive to others and depriving them of opportunities to learn the skills of love.
McGrath highlights the importance of love by telling us that love is like oxygen.
Three Misconceptions to Satisfying Love
I want to offer three obstacles that I need to clear out of the way for you to hear God’s Word on love. Giving and receiving love is challenging for us because we cannot hear the Bible’s message on real love. Think of these as removing snow from your driveway so you back out of your garage on a snowy day.
1. Romantic Love is Everything
Our American culture has idolized romantic love. This myth says, “Romantic Love is Everything.” From the earliest of ages, our little girls and boys are taught that sexual and romantic love is what you are really looking for. We tell them, “If you find this kind of love, everything else is life will be fine.” We try to build our marriages and relationships on purely sexual love or romantic love, but no relationship can be supported by sexual/romantic love alone. If you build your life on erotic/romantic love alone, all you really have is a one-dimensional model of love. In the end, you’ll find this unsatisfying. Now, surely God created sex and wants us to enjoy in its proper boundaries. The Bible points to a higher and more satisfying love than sexual love or romantic love.
Obstacle #1: Romantic Love is Everything
2. It’s Easy to Settle for Counterfeit Love
This second obstacle formed when people realized romantic/sexual love cannot pay its bills as our culture advertised. This myth says, “Don’t Fall in Love for real love isn’t possible.” A recent secular marriage book estimates that only fifteen percent of couples maintain lifelong romantic relationships. It is so easy to live with someone for years, only to discover what you thought was love was never present. It is so easy to grow up in a house where there was no real love and come away with the cynical view that there is no real love. Candidly, the pursuit of love in a relationship has been so disappointing for so many of you. And there’s a seductive pull to settle for a counterfeit love. Some in our day are so cynical on love that they feel love is nothing more than an illusion. The pursuit of real love is such a frustrating enterprise, given the resources we personally invest in this chase.
Obstacle #2: It’s Easy to Settle for Counterfeit Love
3. Thinking You Know Yourself
This is an outgrowth of the cynicism that says, “Real love isn’t possible today.” Part of the joy of a healthy relationship is the joy of self-discovery. There’s just so much of yourself that you discover in a relationship. If you were transported to an island shortly after you become able to take of yourself (around 13-16 years of age) and lived the remainder of your days outside of a loving relationship, you would not know yourself like you would if you were inside a loving relationship. You Really Cannot Know Yourself Until You’re in a Relationship.
Let me show you this in another way. Surely, you know love is a highly emotional thing? The great philosopher Huey Lewis said in his immortal poem, The Power of Love.
The power of love is a curious thing
Make one man weep, make another man sing
Give me 1980s songs for $100, Alex!
And later, the poet laureate sings…
First time you feel it might make you sad
Next time you feel it might make you mad
… That's the power that makes the world go round.
Now, what makes love the roller coaster of emotions? Love is a roller coaster of emotions because it opens you up like no other emotion. Love is intricately emotional because love exposes our true selves as so few other things can. You see, a relationship with someone else acts as a mirror. A relationship with another acts a mirror to show us our true self. For most, love’s attraction is to have another person tell you how important you are and how good you are and how meaningful you are. Yet, our image of ourselves is oftentimes shattered because we see our warts. Again, a relationship with another acts as a mirror to see ourselves. Love opens up our insides like no other human emotion. Love envelopes us, enraptures us, and enthralls us not only because of the one we are attracted to but also because it involves someone finding us beautiful, intelligent, and attractive. Again, part of the joy of a healthy relationship is the joy of self-discovery.
Three Misconceptions to Giving and Receiving Love
1) Romantic Love is Everything
2) It’s Easy to Settle for Counterfeit Love
3) You Really Cannot Know Yourself Until You’re in a Relationship
Bookmark these three obstacles, for we’ll come back to them by the end of the message. And this leads us to one of the chief obstacles to giving love and receiving love – overcoming my ego. If I am able to free you up from your self-absorption, you have a real chance at love. You are more loving when you are more humble. I was going to title today’s message: you’re so vain, you probably thought this sermon was about you. Seriously, I want you to discover the power of love by overcoming your ego.
1. Love Moves into Action
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).
I want you to notice something about this passage in front of you. There are fifteen Verbs used to describe love in the original language of the New Testament. There are fifteen verbs but not one adjective. As you know, a verb is a word that oftentimes describes an action, and love is on the move. You may not love grammar, but the point is this: love is not static; love is not stationary. Here’s a translation that preserves the original thought: “Love waits patiently; love shows kindness. Love does not burn with envy; does not brag – Is not inflated with its own importance. It does not behave with ill-mannered impropriety; is not preoccupied with the interests of the self…”. Now, love is not less than a feeling, but it is much more than a feeling. Love cannot stay hidden in the heart, for it must be shown.
The Qualities of Love
Love is first described with two positive qualities (patience and kindness) before Paul rattles off 8 negative qualities. It’s this second negative quality I want to focus on: “loves does not boast; it is not arrogant” (1 Corinthians 13:4b). Call it swagger, boasting, bragging, ego, arrogance, or simply being full of yourself… but for you to experience real love … for you to find the essence of love … you must first diminish.
Love Moves into Action
2. Love Hides from the Arrogant
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).
The Greeks called arrogance hubris, meaning you had too high a view of yourself. When you are a self-absorbed person, real love runs from you. Real love hides from you and conceals itself from you. Self-centeredness is the Zika virus for relationships. Getting your hands on love for the arrogant is like holding water in your bare hands. You know instinctively that it is harder for a self-important person to find love – you know this inside of you. Your very stomach turns at the thought of self-important people. Now, few people want to be arrogant, but even fewer people realize they’re self-absorbed. One of the real problems of arrogance, you’re blinded to the very fact of your problem. You should know that almost no one thinks of themselves as self-important. You know that don’t you? Almost no one sees their own self-absorption.
Let me give you a Self-Centered Test. Take a moment and rank yourself. How self-centered are you? How do I know if I am a self-centered person? Think of a group photo where you are included. The first time you see the picture, where do you look? You look immediately at yourself, don’t you? So we need to be very distrustful of ourselves. Do you daydream about winning awards? Wouldn’t you rather be the person who doesn’t need to be honored? Humility attracts love, while hubris repels love.
Two Reasons Why Love Runs from the Arrogant
No one likes a boastful or arrogant person for at least two reasons.
2.1 Boasting Advertises Your Emptiness
Modern psychologists tell us that boasting is nothing more than an advertisement of my emptiness. The sun does not boast. The mountains do not boast. The greatness of the mountains and the sun is plain for all to see, and there is no need for either to boast. In essence, boasting advertises your emptiness.
2.2 Arrogance is Puffed Up
In fact, the Greek word Paul uses for the “arrogant” in verse 4 suggests being filled with nothing more than air (1 Corinthians 4:6; Colossians 2:18). Boasting and arrogance is being inflated with your own importance. Such boasting is empty and nothing more than being filled with air.
A moment ago, I asked you, “How do I know if I am a self-centered person?” Here’s another test: are you devastated by someone else’s criticism? If you are, then you are putting too much value on what others think of you. If you are devastated when someone complains about your art, your song, or your garden, then you probably are placing too much emphasis on your art, your song, or your garden. If you feel snubbed, then your ego is puffed up.
The Gospel: The Fix to Messed-Up Egos. Here’s how the gospel has the advantage of saying, “You need more self-esteem.” The gospel says you’re accepted based on Christ’s work on the cross. The gospel says you are rewarded for Christ’s behavior and not yours. The answer to your inflated ego is the cross of Christ, for it’s at the cross that your performance matters less than you think. Now, you are free to think less of yourself and of attempting to make a name for yourself.
Here’s the secret to Humility (from someone who is still working on humility)…. Humility is not thinking less of yourself; instead, it is thinking of yourself less. Humility causes a relationship to flourish because it asks, “What does my friend want?” In place of thinking, “Why doesn’t my friend think about what I want?”
Love Moves into Action
Love Runs from the Arrogant
3. Love Cherishes Humility
By adopting humility, you are removing a major roadblock to giving and receiving love. Many of you love to measure your progress. Tools are available to measure your Body Mass Index, where you assess your body fat. Athletes will measure the size of their biceps. You can even monitor your social media influence over the Internet.
How Do I Measure My Humility?
3.1 Forget about Yourself
Humble People Don’t Talk of their Humility. When humility is only in the head and never makes it to the heart, you have yourself a humble hypocrite. It’s only when you embrace humility in your mind and love humility in your heart that you’ll make progress toward humility. Let me say that again: Humility has to be embraced with the both the mind and the heart for you to really make progress in humility.
“The pleasure of pride is like the pleasure of scratching. If there is an itch, one does want to scratch; but it is much nicer to have neither the itch nor the scratch.
As long as we have the itch of self-regard we shall want the pleasure of self-approval; but the happiest moments are those when we forget our precious selves and have neither but have everything else (God, our fellow humans, animals, the garden, and the sky) instead.”
The ego is a black hole, and it doesn’t matter how much you throw into a black hole, you’ll never fill it. Your desire to be recognized is a black hole; it is an itch that will only continue no matter how much you scratch it. It’s when you embrace humility and love humility you’ll not only make progress toward humility, but you’ll be a long way down the road toward experiencing real love. Instead of seeking recognition in a relationship, know you are already loved and valued by Christ.
3.2 You Have to Know God to Truly Know Yourself
The road to self-discovery starts with God.
There’s a story I love to tell about Traci’s grandfather, Otis in 2005. Otis was a good man and WWII vet, and I was on the phone with him when Hurricane Rita hit Houston. Traci and I were living in the Panhandle of Texas when he asked, “Are you going to be fine?” I paused to consider what he was talking about because everything was good for our family when I realized he was concerned for our safety because of the Hurricane. It’s then I told him that we were as close to Houston as we were to him in Western Kentucky – both places were around 12 hours by car. Yet, you would really know this until you’ve been to Texas. It’s not until you have witnessed the vastness of Texas that you comprehend just how big Texas is. This is how it works with humility. You’re not going to possess humility until you are awakened to the reality of the God of the Bible. Genuine humility begins with a relationship with God, for you really cannot know yourself until you have seen the face of God. Until you see God, you’ll think of yourself as wise, just, and holy. Hubris sees your life by the illusion that you are competent to run your life … … that you can find a purpose big enough to give meaning to your life without God. It’s only when you experience the vast holiness, justice, and wisdom of God that you realize you possess nothing and you are nothing by comparison.
It was when Abraham really conversed with God that he gained a much richer view of himself: Abraham answered and said, “Behold, I have undertaken to speak to the Lord, I who am but dust and ashes.” (Genesis 18:27) Again, the road to self-discovery starts with God. The planets will never be in proper order with the sun in the middle of their orbit, and you’ll never be freed from the obstacle of self-importance until God is at your center. You’ll never know the extent of your ego until you are in a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
Closing
A moment ago, I told you love was the third most frequently searched for word in Merriam-Webster’s dictionary. And do you know the first? Pretentious – one who has an exaggerate importance of themselves. By adopting humility, you are removing a major roadblock to giving and receiving love.
Read your name into 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 and then read Jesus’ name.
“[Scott] is patient and kind; [Scott] does not envy or boast; [Scott] is not arrogant or rude. [Scott] does not insist on [his] own way; [Scott] is not irritable or resentful; [Scott] does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but [Scott] rejoices with the truth. [Scott] bears all things, [Scott] believes all things, [Scott] hopes all things, [Scott] endures all things”
It doesn’t work, does it. You cannot substitute your own name for love any more than I plug my name there. But here is one you can insert into the narrative:
“[Jesus] is patient and kind; [Jesus] does not envy or boast; [Jesus] is not arrogant or rude. [Jesus] does not insist on [his] own way; [Jesus] is not irritable or resentful; [Jesus] does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but [Jesus] rejoices with the truth. [Jesus] bears all things, [Jesus] believes all things, [Jesus] hopes all things, [Jesus] endures all things”
Jesus does what you are incapable of.
The Holy Spirit enables you to be humble. Love is a choice to meet the needs of someone else with little expectation of anything in return. Take a moment to rate how you’re allowing the Holy Spirit to led you in opportunities to love others. The closer you get to the Savior, the more you realize you have nothing to prove.
