Each week I create a title for the sermon and I do that because they create images and they put this online so that we can find it the next time it comes out or that something else happens. So we can find it in our blog and so on. This week I created the title for this message: How to Have a Great Marriage Instead of Watching It on TV. Now the reason I created that title was for this very important purpose. I think there’s things we like about romantic relationships when we watch them on TV. We like the adventure. We like the excitement, the passion, the romance. We like the problem that exists, the conflict that is resolved. We like happy endings. So I think there’s something very important that we like in those things that sometimes we don’t see in relationships that we have. The other thing that I think that happens is that sometimes people rely on TV for their understanding of what marriage is all about. And that’s a big mistake because it’s not as easy as it looks on TV. It makes it look a lot easier than the reality of what it is. So I want to address that.
I think that sometimes when we get to this subject of marriage we find ourselves in a challenging place and we need to be able to acknowledge it. We have misunderstanding. We don’t really understand what marriage is all about. I think kids often get it. I have some quotes here from some children about marriage.
When Derek, age 8, was asked the question how can a stranger tell if two people are married? His answer was, “You might have to guess based on whether they are yelling at the same kids.”
When Lanette was asked what do most people do on a date, at age 8 she said, “Dates are for having fun and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.”
Martin, age 8, answers the same question by saying, “On the first date they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” So I don’t know how true that is, but it is interesting to hear the perspective of children.
But it is fascinating to see that we really are interested in this subject of relationships. There’s a guy in the Bible whose name is King Agur. He’s responsible for a whole bunch of proverbs. Those proverbs are located in Proverbs 30. In verse 18 and 19 he says this. He says – There three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand. So these are things like whoa, you stop and look. He says the first one is the way of an eagle in the sky. So if you saw an eagle you would go, “Wow. Let’s watch him for a minute.” The second one – the way of a snake on a rock. He’d pause and say, “Wow, that’s interesting.” The third one – the way of a ship on the high seas. And the fourth one – the way of a man with a young woman. The idea here is that’s an amazing thing. It's fun to watch.
But marriage is under attack today. I’m sure there's a satanic attack on the family that’s trying to destroy the family in a lot of different ways, but sometimes the attack comes from neglect, just not doing the work necessary to manage that relationship well. Sometimes it comes from laziness. Just not taking the time necessarily to work on that relationship. Sometimes it comes because of busyness. Just not finding the time in order to invest in that relationship. Marriage takes a lot of work. It is not easy to do the things we need to do in order to keep a marriage strong and effective.
Today my goal is that by the time we’re done today your appreciation and your value of marriage will increase. Whether you’re married and you’ve been married for a long time or just getting married. Whether you have been married in the past, you’re not married now. Whether you are anticipating getting married someday. I hope your value of marriage will increase today as we look at this passage and try to understand what it has to say for us.
In order to do that I want to go to God’s word and I want to look at this passage in Genesis 2:18-25. It starts in this way. You might have your notebooks out where you can be writing in them and jotting down lessons you’re learning from this. But it says – Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.
Now I didn’t want to come into this passage last week, so if you watched last week we started here but I stopped and didn’t go into marriage. I talked about loneliness. I wanted to do that because sometimes if we just jump into the marriage passage and talk about that, some people say, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can’t listen to this because I feel lonely.” So we talked about loneliness and what it is.
As we did, one of the things I realized as we talked about in the group, we talked about this statement – it is not good that man should be alone. That is in my small group that meets on Wednesday night. It’s a group that talks about the sermon from the past week and the sermon coming up. One of the statements I made that I would like to adjust now, I don’t think the statement I made last week was a complete statement. I said that the opposite of loneliness was feeling loved. As we discussed it in our group I realized that’s a little bit short-sighted. In fact I’m going to quote Caleb. This is our Caleb, the one who just shared with us for a minute. This is a quote from him and he says this: The opposite of loneliness is the presence of meaningful relationship. That’s a much better statement about the opposite of loneliness than the statement I made and I really appreciate that. Because it implies that there's this giving and taking of love. That you’re giving it, you’re receiving it. There's this meaningful relationship that exists in the midst of that.
So if we go to our passage and we see it is not good for the man to be alone, God knows that ultimately He is the one who is going to satisfy all of our needs. Our loneliness needs are met in Him, but He knows that there’s something that happens on an earthly plain that we need a partner, we need a mate. That He didn’t make us to be alone. I’m not sure everybody needs a partner. We know that singleness is a gift. But God designed marriage to be a part of the fulfillment of this meaningful relationship idea.
It says there – I will make him a helper fit for him. The idea of fit is suitable, complimenting. The idea is opposite. That’s what it is. Someone who’s opposite him. It’s like two puzzle pieces coming together. That’s what takes place in a marriage relationship. That two people come together and they form a unit, which we’re going to see more of. That’s what takes us through this passage.
Now we go to the next verses in Genesis 2:21-25 and we see how God does this. So let’s look at this a little bit more. I’m going to identify for you four principles from this passage about marriage that I think will raise the value of marriage in your thinking. Even if you’ve had a bad experience with marriage, the value of marriage is clear in God’s word and we can appreciate it all the more. Four principles and I’m going to make a conclusion as well.
Let me read the verses to you first. It says – So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. That last verse is quoted in the New Testament book by Jesus and by Paul. We’ll take special note of that.
But the first principle I want to point out is the one in the very first words of verse 21. It starts – So the Lord God. I want us to recognize that God is the one who created marriage. He designed it. You see we are not humanists who just believe that man is the ultimate, that man has kind of created everything, that everything that you are is a result of human whatever is happening. We recognize that God is the one who created marriage. He designed it. He made it for people. It's very important to recognize that. Because if you believe that God created marriage, there’s an application that follows right closely to that which is if God created it, we need to follow His design. We need to follow His plan. We need to follow His instructions when it comes to marriage. That’s pretty significant. Because God has a lot to say about relationships. He has a lot to say about marriage.
So if you’re anticipating getting married someday or you’re already married, then you want to look at the prescription that God has laid out. Not just the passages that talk about roles and relationships of married couples. But all of scripture that talks about how we foster relationships, what they are, and how God works on a human heart. We need to recognize that God created marriage and therefore we want to pay attention to the prescription that God has given to us. That is principle number one.
Now I want you to see as we go through verse 21 what God did and how He did this. Because notice in verse 22 it says – And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman. Now do you remember when we looked about the man, it said that God took dust from the ground and He formed it. That word that we saw there was a word that described the potter who’s intricately involved in the process. Not like in the first chapter where He spoke and it came into being. Now He’s intimately and personally involved in the forming of the man out of dirt like a potter would with clay. He’s very involved in the creation of it to make it just the way He wants.
When it comes to the creation of woman we have the word made. But I want you to see that that too is not the same word. It's a different word, but it is also very personal. It says – And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman. That’s the word ‘built.’ It’s again this personal involvement of God that He takes it and He builds her. This word ‘built’ is the same word used throughout Genesis to describe the building of an altar. Abraham built an altar. Noah built an altar. Isaac built an altar. When people build altars, that’s the same word here to describe what God did. He put her together and He made her different than the man so they could be complimentary.
Anybody who’s been in a relationship with someone knows that men and women think differently, they act differently. That’s what’s so intriguing. I like to say to young people when they get to be about ten and eleven and they start chasing the girls at school or running after the boys and talking about cooties and those things, “Wait. Wait. Let’s just talk about this. It is good to recognize that boys and girls are different. You want to get to know them and the way they think because they think differently than you do.” God made us to be complimentary. In verse 22 He describes that process.
In verse 23 the man is going to name the woman, just like he named all the animals. Now he sees her and he says this. He’s so excited. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” The Hebrew word for man is ish. The Hebrew word for woman is ishshah. The idea is that they are complimentary. Now Adam has seen the eagles come and he names them and there’s a male and female eagle. He sees the giraffes come and he names them. And he says but there isn’t one for me. But now he sees her and he goes yes, this is what I need. This is my companion. This is the person I’m going to work with in life. And this companionship of two people coming together is so significant. It’s a principle that God has designed, this companionship, for a purpose.
But it’s important to recognize that the companionship must include their marriage relationship. Because what happens sometimes with two people come together, the companions that work if they work together they’re companions in their house, taking care of the place they live, they’re companions with the kids and they invest so much into the kids that the kids go away and what do they have left? It’s important to invest in the marriage relationship itself. It takes work to have a relationship. And this companionship is the second principle that we see in the passage. God designed them to be companions together.
Well let’s go into this third and fourth principle that are found in verse 24. I want to read the verse because this is the verse that’s quoted in the New Testament. Notice it starts with the word therefore. In other words, because we see how God did all of this we have some applications we can bring to our lives. That’s what he’s saying. Jesus is going to use this to describe some answers to the divorce question. We’ll look at a verse about Paul describing how this verse is used with sexual purity.
So let’s look at the verse. It’s a foundation for these other comments that others are making. He says – Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Let’s just start right there by talking about the one flesh part of this particular story. When he says one flesh, definitely he’s talking about physical oneness. He’s talking about sex. God designed it so they could come together in a very intimate way. There’s this one flesh that takes place. God designed that to be the case.
But sometimes people, and especially those who are humanists, those who don’t believe in God and don’t recognize who God is and what He’s done and how He’s created, they just say, “We just evolved by chance. We’ve come out to be where we are today because of just things that are going on. It’s just about biology.” And so when they come to this subject of sex they just make this statement. They say, “Well it’s just about pleasure. We can just enjoy ourselves physically.” But God says something very different about sex. That sex is a spiritual activity.
I want to show you a passage that describes this. Let me take you to this in 1 Corinthians 6:15-20. They’re quoting this passage. Paul is quoting the passage in Genesis and he’s talking about don’t get involved with a prostitute. Don’t get involved in sexual immorality and here’s why. I want to explain this to you, he says, and he’s going to call on this verse. Because it’s a spiritual experience.
Notice he says this: Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? There’s a spiritual connection you have with Christ that is significant here and that is going to affect everything you do with your body. Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” He’s going back to this passage and talking about it. Sexual immorality is the joining of two people in a spiritual way. It's not just a biological function. But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
He’s talking about the spiritual interaction that takes place in sex. You’ve just got to understand. In fact I would suggest that sex is devotion. It's devotion to your partner, but this is your devotion. You can say to your husband, “Honey, let’s go have devotions.” We’re talking about sex as a spiritual activity. That’s what it is. You’ve got to understand that.
Here’s what I say to people, young couples who are getting ready to get married. I tell them, “Look. You have to understand that sex is very much a spiritual activity. You’re joining together and you become one flesh with that person, but it’s this uniting of spirits. You can look at it this way. Imagine that you’re going to bed, you’re having sex with your spouse and Jesus is in the room looking at that with you and He’s saying, ‘That’s why I designed it. That’s good.’” And some of these young people say, “Oh that’s gross. I can’t think of Jesus in the room when I have sex.” You know why? That’s because you’ve got the wrong idea about sex. This is something God designed. It's a very important part of a marriage relationship God designed to be contained in marriage. When you start disobeying Him, you start not following the instructions, just viewing this as a biological activity or saying “well we love each other, we’re committed” and you don’t do it within marriage, you’re messing with the system that God designed. No wonder we have so much divorce. When you don’t follow the instructions that God has designed, you end up in places you don’t want to be.
But when we’re talking about one flesh, it’s not just talking about being physically united, it’s talking about coming together in this closeness. This two people becoming one. That’s why some people refer to this as “she’s my better half” or something. As if there’s this other part of me. “I’m missing my better half. She’s not here with me.” There's this description of becoming one. And you know that this oneness is so significant when you start seeing the pain and agony that takes place in divorce.
So when Jesus was asked about divorce He comes back to this passage. This would be in Mark 10 or Matthew 19 if you’re taking notes. You can write those down. Mark 10, Matthew 19. Jesus quotes this passage that we’re looking at right now and He says to them – It was once said they shall become one flesh. Then He repeats it. They shall become one flesh, He says. And what God has joined together let not man tear apart. That’s what happens in divorce. It’s this tearing apart that takes place.
God designed that two people come together and they become one. One flesh. There's this closeness that they develop so there’s this sense of…even when you’re not together, you know someone’s thinking about you and you’re thinking about them. There's this relationship that exists even when you’re not together. Unity is this third principle.
And then this fourth principle comes from this last part where it says – The man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Certainly he’s talking about here the physical just looking at each other physically. They weren’t ashamed of that. But it’s much bigger than that. Because when you get married, you’re unclothed from your emotions and your spirit. Your mate knows more about you than anyone else. They know when you’re having a struggle. They know when you’re under pressure. That is what it means to be in this intimate relationship. That’s what’s described here. This closeness. When it says they were naked and they were not ashamed, there’s this idea that in the marriage relationship we know each other and it’s okay. We’re going to accept each other. We’re going to enjoy each other. We’re going to get to know each other. There are differences between us, but we are going to experience that intimacy. The value of marriage increases in our lives when we recognize that. Four principles about marriage that we see in this passage that are strategic.
But maybe you’re saying wow that’s really great, but I’ve been in a marriage and I didn’t experience that. Or maybe you’re in a marriage or you’ve been in a marriage where you’ve been hurt and damaged. I want to talk about that as part of a conclusion with you today about this passage. Because this is in Genesis 2. But in Genesis 3 we have sin coming into the world and it’s going to violate and it’s going to damage their relationship. We’re going to see that they’re pointing fingers at each other. We’re going to see that they’re not unashamed anymore. Now they’re going to find fig leaves and get clothed. So things are going to happen in their relationship, but also brokenness is going to be coming into the world in some terrible ways. So you’re going to see right through the rest of the Bible.
The rest of the story of the Bible is this: There is brokenness that exists in the family, brokenness that exists in marriage, brokenness that exists in people. God is in the business of redeeming us and restoring us and providing for us what we need. But we live with brokenness. We live with the death of a spouse. We live with the loss of the dream that we had of a close relationship. We live with brokenness often and some people don’t experience the beauty that takes place in a marriage relationship. When you can, you want to do that and you want to invest in that because it takes work to experience all of those things that we talked about. But still there are going to be times when you experience brokenness. Part of recognizing God and His work in is growing and learning those things about ourselves that you need to develop. Things like humility when you’re wrong. You need to develop contentment. That you’re not going to have everything you always wanted. Contentment is part of what we learn. We learn forgiveness of ourselves. We learn forgiveness for other people. Brokenness causes us to learn more about humility and the need for God and what He wants to do in our lives. That is the beauty of what God wants to do in each of our hearts.
I would encourage you to have the value of marriage raised in your own heart, but recognize at the same time that brokenness is there. All the more reason we need to follow God’s instruction, we need to obey the Lord, and we need to find our healing and our grace in Him for our current relationship or what God might want to do in our lives.
I want to encourage you if you find yourself in a troubled situation in your marriage that you be careful who you listen to when you’re trying to get advice. Do the people you’re trying to listen to follow the Lord and listen to what He’s saying, or are they just trying to make you happy, or are they just trying to resolve a situation in a way that may not be the best.
I’m going to show you a clip right now from a video and that clip is about two minutes long. But it’s the story of Caleb and Catherine. Caleb and Catherine had real struggles in their marriage relationship. Caleb’s fighting for his marriage and Catherine has given up. Catherine is listening to the voices of people around her that are not godly and Caleb is listening to the voice of God and the people who are encouraging him to do what’s right. And Catherine finally comes to the conclusion that she needs to make a change. She’s listening to the wrong people. Watch this video and what happens in their relationship.
Let’s pray together.
Heavenly Father, we do thank you for marriage, what a tremendous gift. I pray that you would give us a tremendous sense of value of that special relationship you designed. Lord, I pray for those who have been hurt through the marriage experience and I pray that you would bless them and encourage them and give them too a value for marriage. Do a deep work in each of our hearts, Lord, as we serve you. We want to love you and we want to serve you in everything that we do. So thank you for caring for us, for not forsaking us, for being faithful to us and allowing us to have that close relationship. Lord, we just want to worship you some more and acknowledge you in what we do. In Jesus’ name, amen.
