FAMILY MATTERS
“Parenting 101”
Psalm 127
We discover quickly in Scripture that God created two institutions. One is the church as we see it being established in the New Testament. The other is the family which is established early in the book of Genesis. God designed the family and God designed the church. Both of them were his idea. Not ours although God designed both of these institutions, man has been trying to alter both of them since day one.
We have tried to make the church, for instance into something very different than its original design. God said it would be a place where we could worship, teach His word, grow in the likeness of Christ and use our gifts to help others. But for many it has simply become a place of entertainment. And as a result, the church is not making the same difference it was years ago. And a similar thing has happened with the family. I don’t think that any of us would argue that the family has undergone great change in our lifetime. Here are just three examples of many that have taken place in the last few years.
• 40% of all children are now born into families of single parents. That number is over 50% in African-American families.
• Among these couples who do marry, 53% now end up in divorce.
• For the first time now more couples choose to live together rather than get married.
Many more changes are taking place as well. I want you to understand that my wife and I do not claim to have a perfect family. As long as I am a part of it, it will be perfect. Believe me. In fact perfect families simply do not exist. I also want you to know that the purpose of this preaching series is not to condemn our judge anyone who may be going through major problems in your family right now. Care of me when I say this... All families will face difficulty.
But what I do want to get across over the next several weeks is to give you a solid biblical basis for the family. Something that will provide a foundation for you from this point forward.
So if we go to Webster, this is the definition we will see of a family... A family is a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household. But you and I know the family is much more than that.
So my wife and I have four children. Three boys. One girl. I can tell you that raising children is not for the faint hearted. Most of us don’t attend classes to learn how to parent. We learn from our own parents so often that can be good but not always. So there are days when parenting is a pleasure and there also days would parents feel like giving up. And some little literally do... They give up. We now have in all 50 states places known as safe havens where infants can be dropped off; many of these are located hospitals. Summit fire stations and children can be left without any questions if you feel you cannot raise your child. While it is not common, parents have been known to walk into child protection headquarters and turn their children over to the state. As I said parenting is not for the faint of heart.
So like anything else in life we need to establish a biblical foundation for parenting if we expect to be successful. In this congregation we have individuals who are in their teens and are raising children all the way into their 80s and are raising children. Or grandchildren. And I am thankful for all of you who have taken on that responsibility. Now here is the biblical message I want you receive today.
PSALM 127
There is an overarching principle that we need to grasp before we start this process of raising children and here it is...
We must learn to relate to our kids in the same way God relates to us.
Look with me now at verse one of Psalm 127.
1. Now it is plain what this means but we need to say it anyway. God must build the house no one else can do it. No one. Jesus reminds us of this truth later in Scripture in Matthew seven... That a man who is wise builds his house on the rock, not on sand. In that way, when the storms,--and they will--the house will continue to stand. Why? Because the foundation is stable. It is strong enough. If you send your child out into this world without a proper foundation, at some point the house, the child will collapse.
And at this point is not completely clear he illustrates again in verse two. Verse 2.
This verse describes the person who rises early and works late. They essentially burn the candle at both ends. And in all they do they attempt to do it all alone. But the problem is hard work alone is not enough. I want to encourage you if you have not already to get some direction for your parenting. And what I mean by that is that you should set some guidelines—some goals for your children. Now you have may have never thought about that before but I want you to have some direction. Let’s come back to the principle we established a few moments ago.
We must learn to relate to our kids in the same way
God relates to us.
In other words, ask yourself, as God’s child what are his goals and guidelines for me? What does he want for me as an adult? Because if we begin to understand that we will begin to understand how to relate to our children. Let’s look at several.
(1) See that your child comes to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ early in life. Share your faith with them while they are young so that when they leave home they will have a solid foundation. My wife led all four of our children to Christ in our home while they were young. She keeps up with the exact day that happened and can tell you exactly how many years it has been for each one. How long they have known the Lord. This is the foundation.
(2) See to it that your children develop character. It’s not hard for them to become a character—but it is difficult to develop character. One of the biggest mistakes we make with our children is when we allow them or expect them to make decisions they are not mature enough to make. And many times these decisions relate to spiritual matters so we say... You know why... They are too young to make these decisions right now so I’m just going to put those decisions off until they are older. It sounds something like this...
• If your child needs and immunization or they are saying we know it might hurt but we still take them to the doctor, right? If I say to my child were going to the doctor today and you’re going to get a shot so I wanted ask you sweetie is an okay or would you rather just stay home? Their answer will be think I’ll stay home. But that’s not what most of us do.
• If their teeth need attention and the dentist says hey I’m going need to drill a bit here... May need to pull that tooth, so why don’t you ask your child what they would like for me to do. They are most likely to say I think I’ll just go home. That sounds too painful. Was time to go to school and they say I don’t think I want to go today—I think I’d rather stay at home and play video games if we’re a good parent our answer will be--no way José. Get ready for school.
YET, we do this every day with spiritual decisions—we say things like—I’m going to wait until their grown—I can’t force them to go to church—let’s and study all the religions of the world first—then let them decide when they are older. I can’t force religion on them. If you choose that route I can almost guarantee what will happen. At some point their life will collapse for lack of a proper foundation.
Look at verse three. These children that God gives to us are a gift from Him. They are his actually, but He lends them to us for a brief period of time. They are a gift. A very precious gift. And you and I will be accountable for what we do with that gift.
Look at verses 4-5a. The picture here is of an archer who has a quiver filled with arrows. That’s what this is archers where these in their hope is that when they fire each arrow that it will fire
• Straight. That it will stay on target.
• That it will hit the bullseye. Right in the center of the target.
And that is basically it. But it is harder than we think. And really that is what we want for our children. We want them to walk on the straight and narrow path, right? We want them to be successful. To hit the bullseye. To set up a target and succeed. In fact, we want them to land right in the center of God’s will. They may mean they will be wealthy, it may not. That is not the point. The point is that they become everything God wants them to be and that they live right in the center of His perfect will. How could any of us ask for anything more than that?
Arrows must be aimed and released. Give them direction and learn to let them go. Arrows left in the quiver or fired without any direction are not good for much. In fact, they can be the cause of great harm. The shooter has to know what the target is before he can hit it. He has to practice to get it right. So God gives us grandchildren. And we say hey if I knew they would be this much fun, I would have had them first. You know why. Because most of us have lightened up by that time. They have to be willing to turn them over. To let them go. Dedicate those kids to God. Turn them over to Him. Love them. Show them grace. Point them to the target…Jesus Christ.
