Do You Feel Me
PPT 1 Series Title
Intro: I am starting a new series today titled, "Jukebox Lessons." It's similar to what lot of churches have done with sermon series titled, "At the movies." Where they will show a clip from a movie and build a sermon around it. In this case we will be using songs instead of movie clips.
I want to begin by saying, I have no intention of preaching song lyrics. While song lyrics can be moving, and powerful, they will never compare to the majesty of the scriptures.
Music can identify you in the problem, (love stinks) but cannot bring you out of the problem. (Explain)
Music is like psychology, it can define the problem, but not very good at the solution.
The bible however is very different.
Hebrews 4 tells us the word of God is full of living power.
Jesus said, the Words I speak to you they are spirit and they are life.
He also said you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.
So while music has the ability to define you in the problem the Word of God has power to bring you out of the problem.
It has the power to convict, the power to change, the power to encourage.
Jesus Christ is both the wisdom and the power of God 1 Cor 1:24. (Explain Jesus has both the smarts to tell you what needs changing, but also power to go along with those smarts to effect change.)
With that said, lets look at a portion of a song from a singer named Pink, and a song called, "Just Give Me a Reason."
PPT 2 Song
I like the song musically, I like the song for the depth of understanding it has about the dynamics of human relationships, I like it because it speaks to a much larger truth about myopia (only seeing things from one point of view) and I like the song because it includes a hint and sliver of hope. (We can learn to love again)
So that song will be our launch pad and from it we will be talking about breakthroughs in communication.
PPT 3 Message Title
I have entitled this message, "Do You Feel Me?" Which is a saying in the popular culture which means, are you tracking with me? Do you understand what I am saying? Do you feel what I am trying to express?
So we will break down that song a little bit as we go along, but as I said earlier our message is from the bible. We will be discussing several biblical keys to breakthroughs in communication.
The first breakthrough in communication is taking time to understand what the other person(s) are saying.
In other words, "Do You Feel Me?" Here is a portion of scripture that points in that direction.
PPT 4 text
Php 2:1 If therefore there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion,
Php 2:2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.
Php 2:3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself;
Php 2:4 do not [merely] look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. (NAS)
That chapter continues to talk about all that Jesus did for us, but I want to sum it up simply by saying, He laid aside His own rights and privileges to see to it that we could live. He abandoned His rights for our benefit.
Philippians verse 4 has been one of those verses that God has spoken to me over and over again in my life, perhaps because I have never fully learned the lesson. Do not merely look out for your own personal interests. The wording "merely," speaks to me and says that looking out for my own interests is small minded and petty.
So our first breakthrough in communication I am calling, "Feel Me." You will never have a breakthrough in communication as long as you continue to try and get the other person to only feel your point of view.
Conflicts are resolved and peace and healing come when you get to the place where you stop trying to say what you are feeling, and take a moment to understand what the other person(s) are feeling.
In the song, Pink says:
PPT 5 lyrics
Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh
Things you never say to me, oh, oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love
The guy responds by basically saying you have lost your mind.
PPT 6,7 lyrics
I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh, we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everythin'
And it's all in your mind
(Yeah, but this is happenin')
Can you see the guy pulling his hair out, and saying, "your upset because of something I said in la la dream land?"
What are you talking about our relationship is just fine.
Earlier when talking about the superiority of the word of God to music I made the point that music has the power to identify you in the problem, but the word of God has the power to bring you out.
As we look at this song, I can almost feel a good percentage of women in the room shaking their heads in agreement with Pink and saying in their heads, "I know exactly what she is talking about." While at the same time men are saying, "go ahead, preach it brother them women are crazy."
That is music identifying you in the problem.
Here comes the bible with the answer, stop talking only about how you feel about the situation and try to understand what the other person is feeling. Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others also.
Breakthrough comes when someone stops talking about their side of the situation and tries to empathize with the other side of the situation. The wonderful thing that happens is that when one of you does that it frees the other person to finally take time to hear your side of things. You get by giving. You win by quitting to assert your needs.
In the song Pink says, "Yeah but this is happening." She is saying, I know I talked about the dream, but dream or not this is really happening to our relationship.
So in this case for example the man needs to get over the insanity he feels about being judged for words in a dream, and go beyond that and hear his woman say I feel like we have drifted apart. Even though he may not agree with that assessment of the relationship, he needs to get to the place where he stops arguing his point of view, stops calling her crazy for the way she feels and tries to sympathize with what she is feeling.
When we stop arguing our point of view and start listening to the other persons point of view is when breakthrough happens.
Breakthrough number one, is feel me.
Breakthrough number two is forgive me.
PPT 8 text
James 5:16 Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.
In this case I am not talking about you forgiving the other person, but asking them to forgive you.
If you want walls and anger in your relationships only think about the wrongs they have done, if you want to tear down walls and build up relationships own whatever part you have that is/was wrong. Even if it is only 1 percent.
Own Your part of the problem and your part of the solution!
Here's one way to identify your part in the problem (and the solution). Think of something you could do differently the next time around, that you believe will be more beneficial and express it.
In life you can play the blame game, like Adam and Eve did, and you will get no where,
The blame game never heals it only hurts
The blame game never solves it only makes things worse
The blame game only stirs up anger and resentment.
Instead of healing we get in an argument about whose to blame, whose fault is it.
You can't blame your way into a better relationship.
So don't fall into that pit!
Owning your part of the problem drops the temperature of the emotions in the situation and provides a better environment for healing to take place.
Breakthrough number three is letting me know that you care for me
PPT 9 text
Eph 4:32 And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
Tender hearted means you care for them and the way they feel. It hurts you if they are hurt or let down.
When we take time express our care instead of our concerns we bring healing to relationships.
Breakthrough number three comes when you apply breakthrough number three to yourself and not to them! In other words you don't sit there saying they need to apologize, you think of what you need to ask forgiveness for. When you take the low road (humble yourself) everyone wins. The strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak. I'm sorry are the two most powerful words in the English language, and the two most freeing.
Breakthrough number four is give me a little hope.
PPT 10 lyrics
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I mentioned at the beginning of this message that I liked this song because it contains a hint/sliver of hope.
If you are in a relationship that is struggling one of the worst things you can do is declare it broken, and one of the best things you can do is say it can get better.
The song leaves you in a place of hopeful uncertainty. The bible takes a sliver of hope and turns it into a grand canyon of hope.
Jesus said, a bruised reed He will not break. Jesus didn't speak of people as broken beyond repair.
Come unto Me all you are burdened and heavy laden and I WILL give you rest. I WILL is not a sliver of hope buy a personal guarantee from Jesus. I know it is one of the most worn out verses in the bible, but God truly does have plans to give you a hope and a future. (Hope means expectation of good ahead)
A favorite story of mine in the OT is this one
PPT 11 text
Ex 15:23 And when they came to Marah, they could not drink the waters of Marah, for they were bitter; therefore it was named Marah.
Ex 15:24 So the people grumbled at Moses, saying, "What shall we drink?"
Ex 15:25 Then he cried out to the LORD, and the LORD showed him a tree; and he threw [it] into the waters, and the waters became sweet.
They threw in the tree and the waters became sweet! You may not know it, but the word translated cross in the NT is closer in meaning to stake or tree. From the perspective of the NT we see the symbolism of this OT story, when you throw in the tree (the merits of grace that calvary won and provides) bitter things can be made sweet. Jesus makes bitter things sweet!
As I close I want to pray for couples and family relationships, but I also want to pray if there is someone here who can relate to a desperate need to know they are not broken, and can be brought to a happy place again.
Possible questions for care groups:
Do you think we need reminders to be tender hearted towards others?
When it comes to breakthroughs in communication what do you think this sentence means and how do you think it could apply:
"Avoid inflammatory rhetoric."
What do you think of Pastor's statement that when we apologize it turns down the emotional temperature in the room? Have you ever seen that happen?
What do you think of the statement, "you can't blame your way into a healthy relationship"?
