“Breaking Free”
Matthew 5:7 & 9
100 women were asked to name something men try to fix but often just make it worse. These were their top answers.
1. Plumbing 41
2. Car 13
3. TV 9
4. Relationship 6
5. Fight 5
6. Dinner 4
If you have ever attempted to repair anything you know that this can happen. You mean well. You are making an honest attempt but you just make things worse. It happens to pastors of course also. One church posted this announcement in their Sunday bulletin….
Tonight the church will host an evening of fellowship and gracious hostility. It should of course have read hospitality. The pastor tried to correct it, apologized and said we are a loving church we’re not a hostile church. We love hurting people. So in trying to make things better we often just make them worse…sometimes much worse.
Jesus spoke to this in the Sermon on the Mount and said this….
5v. 7 Blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy.
5v. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers for the will be called sons of God.
Jesus had a lot to say about forgiveness and about our relationships with other people. Forgiveness doesn’t always come easy for us especially if we have experienced deep hurt, pain, rejection or have been betrayed by someone. And if anyone knew that and could speak to that subject it was Jesus.
Listen to what the prophet Isaiah had to say:
Isaiah 53:3-5 3 He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces, He was despised, and we held him in low esteem. 4 Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. 5 But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.
If anyone can teach us about the topic of forgiveness it is Jesus. Now a good question to start with is this one:
1st Question. Why should I forgive someone who has deeply hurt me? 3 reasons I want to give you.
1. Because God has forgiven us. Paul said in Colossians 3:13. Now here is a truth to remember …write it down
You will never have to forgive anybody else more than God has already forgiven you.
2. Because resentment doesn’t work. Look at it this way. Resentment will hurt you much more than the person you resent. Think about it. When you’re angry and resentful toward someone you you’re the one who’s
• Stewing over it
• Can’t sleep at night
• Developing ulcers
And guess what? They’re sound asleep.
Certainly there are those of us who have a hard time forgiving someone else. So what happens when we choose not to forgive? Bitterness, anger, stress all build up until eventually you explode and you think where in the world did that come from? You see you can only hold on to so much and then you have to release it.
Let me tell you something I have discovered. When you have a hard time forgiving someone else, it’s usually because you don’t feel forgiven. It is a fact that people who feel forgiven find it easier to be forgiving. They show more grace. Simple reason. It is almost impossible to pass along you have not experienced yourself.
3. Because you may need forgiveness in the future. When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding grudge against so that your Father will forgive you also.
Listen, I am not sure there is anything that can drain us more emotionally than bitterness and resentment. If you continue to replay the hurt you received from some significant person in your life all you will do is prolong the pain. Jesus said happy are those who work for peace.
2nd question. How do we forgive others? There are several things we have to do.
1. Reveal your pain. We usually have about 4 options here.
• You can act as though it doesn’t matter. It’s no big deal. But the problem is it is a big deal.
• You can admit it to someone. You see people can’t always see the pain you are going through.
• You can just beat the tar out of the person who hurt you. Which makes you feel better for a few minutes but not for long. And it won’t solve a thing.
Now once you reveal your pain you will be able to move to the next step. You will be able to
2. Release the offender. Here is a good question to think about: how will I know when I have fully released an offender? You will know when you can think about that person without feeling any resentment. Without feeling any pain. If the bitterness is gone you can know you have released them.
3. Then you need to replace your hurt. If someone gets hurt physically we usually know it. We have cuts and scrapes and bruises. But it’s not as obvious when we have been hurt on the inside. You can have a big hole on the inside of your soul; a hole in your heart and no one else even knows it. You and I have to make a decision about who will rule in our hearts. The Bible tells us that there are several kinds of people. Look at this…
There is the natural person. This is an unbeliever. 1st Cor. 2:14
And this is how their life seems to work. 1st Corinthians 2:14 "A natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God; for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised"
This is a spiritual Christian. 1st Corinthians 2:15
1st Corinthians 2:15 "He who is spiritual appraises all things...We have the mind of Christ"
This is the carnal person. 1st Corinthians 3:1-3
"And I brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual men, but as to carnal men, as to babes in Christ. I gave you milk to drink, not solid food; for you were not yet able to receive it. Indeed, even now you are not yet able, for you are still carnal. For since there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not fleshy, and are you not walking like mere men?" (1 Corinthians 3:1-3)
Now most of us if we go through this process, too often we stop right here. And sometimes it’s enough. Sometimes it is not.
4. Then, reconcile the relationship. There are some things in life that we cannot reconcile but where it is possible to do so, do it.
• If you take $$ from someone, either you borrow it or you steal it, you can’t just apologize. It’s not enough. You need to repay it.
• If you damage someone’s reputation, you need to settle it
• If you damage someone’s property you can’t just apologize, you need to repair it; you need to make it right.
The Bible tells us about a man named Zacchaeus. He was a tax collector and in Bible times tax collectors could basically charge as much as they wanted. And after paying Rome, they could keep whatever was left over. So as a result they were some of the most hated people in society. It’s interesting that when Jesus came into town that day above all people He chose to visit Zacchaeus. He goes to his souse and it is there that Zacchaeus makes peace with His heavenly Father. We have no way of knowing just how much money he had cheated people out of in his lifetime but we do know what he did. And because he had cheated and hurt them he said I am gonna do 2 things (1) give half of everything I won to the poor. (2) to anyone I cheated I will repay them four time the amount. That’s what I mean by reconciliation.
Harry Houdini, the famed escape artist issued a challenge wherever he went. He could be locked in any jail cell in the country, he claimed, and set himself free quickly and easily. He always kept his promise, until one time something went wrong. Houdini entered the jail in his street clothes; the heavy, metal doors clanged shut behind him. He took from his belt a concealed piece of metal, strong and flexible. He set to work immediately, but something seemed to be unusual about this lock. For 30 minutes he worked and got nowhere.
An hour passed, and still he had not opened the door. By now he was covered in sweat and out of breath, but he still could not pick the lock. Finally, after laboring for 2 hours, Harry Houdini collapsed in frustration and failure against the door. But when he fell against the door, it swung open! It had never been locked at all!
But in his mind it was locked and that was all it took to keep him from opening the door and walking out of the jail cell.
There is a funny thing about forgiveness but in our attempt to break free when we finally forgive the other person we realize that we have actually freed ourselves. That freedom is there waiting for all who will accept it today.
