Loving Others: Family First! Part II
(Watch SermonCentral video "I'm Watching You Dad")
Last week, we started the teaching on Loving Others, with the emphasis being that the family should be first before others. The order is found in a teaching by Bible Teacher Kay Arthur with the acronym JOY:
Jesus First
Others Second
You Third
God always is to come first in the life of the believer, and then others:
Jesus said to him, "'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.'
This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'
On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets."
Matthew 22:37-40 (NKJV)
Last week, we covered the first two parts of the teaching on the family. These two sermons provide a thumbnail sketch of how a family should love each other, narrowed into these points:
Family First (Last Week)
Loving the Family In Order
Loving the Family By Discipline (Last week)
And these three points this week:
Loving the Family By Providing
Loving the Family By Example
Loving the Family By Taking Time
Loving Family By Providing...Not Overindulging
It is indeed, especially in light of the way our culture is these days, to balance the demands of both personal life and a person's career or profession. I have seen two sides of the spectrum in these instances: those that are lazy workers, and those that are consumed by their work. Both are injurious to the family unit, and a balance needs to be met.
In this passage, you will see a person who neglects his family is viewed quite badly by God:
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Tim 5:8
While this passage, according to the context, deals with the family members of widows sin of neglecting them it also applies to the parents not providing for the children. Paul words this quite strongly: it is a denial of the faith, and that person's actions are considered worse than that of an unbeliever. This does not mean, however, that if a man is laid off from work and, being diligent in seeking cannot find a job that he is in sin unless he was laid off for good reason. Also, it does not mean that if a man works in a job and is not paid well but cannot find other work and the family struggles, it is sin either. It's important to remember that today because of current Federal laws, many folks can't work more than 29 1/2 hours per week, and have to work two jobs just to make both ends meet, and that is in most cases not a sin for the person and family affected.
That being said, you have the flip side of the coin where some folks work so much that they never see their families. Sometimes this is a necessary thing, and cannot be avoided, as some jobs require shift work (I know this all too well, having to work holidays) and sometimes it is because that person is the only one that can do a certain job.
However, where the problem comes is when a man or woman works extra sheerly because of greed, or because of materialism. In Matthew 6:24, Jesus said "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon." Money in and of itself is not evil, but instead it is the love of money that is evil (1 Timothy 6:10), and actually can cause people to stray from the faith and brings much sorrow.
I know people that will work all kinds of overtime or work late hours so that they can have more money, or because they want to buy some item of luxury. I know a family, for instance, where mom and dad work all the time so that they can buy all sorts of stuff for their kids. Some people actually brag about spoiling their kids with all of the material things that they buy them, and this is so wrong. It teaches the children to do the same thing with their children.
It is important to have a proper balance in providing for a family. It is hard, yes, but whoever said that anything good--especially being a parent--is easy?-
Loving Family By Example
The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him. Proverbs 20:7
"Now behold, you have risen up in your fathers' place, a brood of sinful men, to add still more to the burning anger of the Lord against Israel. Numbers 32:14, NASB
The Bible is replete with examples of examples! There are good examples, and there are bad examples shown in God's Word. First, let's look at the bad examples.
The Old Testament is filled with examples of the downfall of men that followed the bad example of their fathers. The kings that followed Solomon were, for the most part, evil and were idol worshipers. A common phrase that is seen is "and walked in the sins of his father". From Solomon down to Ahab, nearly all the kings were wicked, each one "walking in the sins of his father". Ahab, however, took it to a new level of perversion:
Now Ahab the son of Omri did evil in the sight of the Lord, more than all who were before him. 1 Kings 16:30, NKJV
Now let me ask you a question: is this what you would want to have written in record of the detail of your life, to be exposed at the Judgment Seat of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:10)? Also, we must be aware that our children imitate us, good for good and bad for bad. If you are a procrastinator, your children will most likely be as well. If you are a business owner or are a boss at your job, and you treat your employees harshly, would you really be surprised if your children do the same? If you get yourself drunk and act like a fool, why would you ever be surprised when your child gets arrested for DUI or for consuming alchohol as a minor?
On the other hand, we see examples of good examples in God's Word. For instance, Paul spoke of the genuine faith of Timothy being influenced greatly by his grandmother and mother: I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also. (2 Tim 1:5 NKJV). In addition, an elder (pastor) must be "blameless" or "guiltless" in regards to his behavior as a father: If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly. (Titus 1:6, KJV) I find that many times pastor's kids (PKs) often go bad because either the pastor is not what he says he is, or he does not spend enough times with his children.
Look at it this way: when you look at your children, many times they are a reflection of whom you are. Do you like what you see in the mirror of the life of your child?
Loving Family by Investing Time
Take Time To Love Them. How often do you tell your children that you love them? And do they know that if they mess up, as kids will do, that you will love them anyway? How many times have you or I heard "He never said he loved me, but I knew it by his actions." This is a good thing in a sense that the father (or mother) acted in a loving way, but I have never understood why a person would not tell someone that they love them. If it is in your heart, it needs to be on your lips as well.
Take Time To Teach Them. I have talked to many parents over the years regarding their children and a common comment is this: "Well, I know that my child needs to be in church so that they will learn about God". There is truth to that up to a point, but it is the responsibility of the parent to be the primary teacher of the child. Proverbs 22:6 shows why: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
Take Time To Encourage Them and Support Them. Both of these concepts stand on their own, but often they go together. The Bible in many places speaks of encouraging others (i.e., Romans 16:3-16), and some are particularly gifted by God in that area (Isaiah 50:4). We are to encourage our kids, not belittle them or make fun of them; we are not to "provoke them to wrath":
And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Eph 6:1-4, NKJV
But also we are to support them. We may not like the particular sport or hobby that our child is involved in but unless it is plain that it is sinful or destructive we should support them. For instance, you may want your child to play football or be in sports, and he may be a bookworm or a musician. Rather than to belittle your child, pray that God will break your heart and your pride toward them and the passion that they have.
Do Not Play Favorites With Children. Textbook examples of favoritism are seen in Genesis. For instance, Isaac favored Esau because he was a hunter like he was; Rebekah favored Jacob because he was a homebody. Jacob favored Joseph over the other children because he was the firstborn of his favored wife Rachel; Joseph's brothers hated him for it, and sold him into slavery as a result. How many times have we heard one child say to another "Mom always liked you best!"
In families where there are multiple children it is normal that a child will gravitate more toward one parent than another, but there should never be an instance of one child getting more at Christmas than another, one more for a birthday than another, or otherwise being favored.
Recap
Family First
Loving the Family In Order
Loving the Family By Discipline
Loving the Family By Providing
Loving the Family By Example
Loving the Family By Taking Time
