Loving Others...Family First!
Over the next two weeks, we will focus on the family (no pun intended) and how we should have a love for family right after our love for God.
To discuss the theology of the family, and the full depth, breadth and scope of that topic would take much time, and is not the intent here. Instead, we will look at six different sub-topics within this topic of loving the family:
Family First
Loving the Family In Order
Loving the Family By Discipline
Loving the Family By Providing
Loving the Family By Example
Loving the Family By Taking Time
While today's key scripture is found in the context of caring for widows, it is also a truth that needs to be applied to the family as a whole as well. We will discuss this more in Wednesday's devotional.
I think that today a key word that would apply to the family is this: distraction. There are so many distractions that damage the family unit today. Many of these distractions are not really sinful in and of themselves; it is instead an obsession with these things that often cause a problem. As is has been said, "too much of a good thing is a bad thing".
I have said this many times at our church: 100 years ago, churches in our area were the center of the community. Churches were full on Sunday mornings, and it was the norm for each person to socialize with each other in their communities.
However, today we have distractions. The telephone replaces the personal touch of a personal visit; travel has changed so that we go out of our communities on a regular basis, consuming time; television, internet and other media consumes time at a voracious rate. People often say they have no time.
I submit to you that most people today, because of modern technology, should never complain they do not have enough time. We are able to do things faster, better and more efficently than ever. That being said, if you are looking for more time in your "busy schedule" the answer is usually pretty simple: use that red button on the remote control and turn your TV off. Power down your computer and the internet or your Xbox 360. Turn off your computer and smart phone. You will be surprised by the time you have on your hands.
With all of that extra time you will have, spend that time first showing God that you love Him. But in the category of loving others, we should put Family First. Let's discover how we should do that this week.
Loving The Family...In Order
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth." And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 5:22-24; 25-28; 6:1-4, NKJV
Let me tell you two of the most heartbreaking things that I see in today's society. First is when a mom or a dad will make this statement: "My kids are the most important thing in my life!" The second are the number of times I have visited a home and looked at family pictures only to see that the pictures are of mom and the children, and the dad is not in the picture. This is clearly not Biblical.
First, we as parents must realize that our spouses are to be number one in our lives right after God. If you look at the above Scripture, you will see that wives are supposed to be devoted to their husbands and vice-versa and to be under their loving headship. I know that some women hate this doctrine, but if you think about it ladies not only is it biblical but it should be viewed as a great relief. Why? If your husband is lead by God then it is his fault if he makes the right decision. This does not mean that the wife has no input in the decision; wives are to be the "helpmeet" of the husband, and good solid counsel from the wive is not only a good idea but it is expected.
In addition, Paul admonishes the older women to teach the younger women to "love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." (Titus 2:4-5, NKJV) When a wife does not show love toward the husband--in this case, a tender affectionate love--and regularly usurps the headship of the husband, she is actually blaspheming God! Why? Because God set up order in the family just as there is order in the Godhead itself: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The family order is husband, wife then children.
Now before you ladies make the assumption that men have it easy, consider that they are called to love their wives like Christ loves the church. Jesus died on the cross for the church. The husband is to sacrifice himself--and his particular pleasures and desires if need be--for the benefit of his wife and family. Men, we are to deeply, deeply love our wives, and to have their best interests in mind.
If a child wants to live a long life, it's pretty simple; they need to mind their parents. And we as parents are responsible to set the tone for this with proper discipline. If children mind their parents, they live longer--so says the Word.
Loving Family by Discipline
"I love my kids too much to spank them!" How often have you heard that? I have, and to be honest, to hear it just once is hearing it too much. I have heard more and more in the past 30 years that children are more disrespectful and more rebellious. I have a relative who was told by a child psychologist that she should never spank her child and never correct him--just love him. How did that turn out? He had many issues in his teen years, and is currently incarcerated. I do believe that this is due to a lack of discipline, and a lack of care by the parents.
The Bible is more than clear on the topic of disciplining children; not just "time out", not just "being grounded" but more specifically spanking. Yes, this is a hard subject. It is not a popular subject. It is not a happy subject. But it is biblical, and moreover, a lack of a "trip to the woodshed" in the life of a child wreaks disaster in their later life. Let's see what the Word of God says about spanking:
Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, And deliver his soul from hell.
Prov 23:13-14, NKJV
First off, always remember that even though your child may act as though he or she is being murdered while getting a spanking, that is not the case! You will not kill a child by spanking them, in fact, you are setting the idea in their minds that bad actions yield bad consequences; it is much easier for a child to understand eternal punishment in Hell if they understand the paddle on the rear!
He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly. Prov 13:24, NKJV
This verse stands in stark contrast to "I love my kids too much to spank them!". This says that you hate your child if you do not! In short, it means that you value your comfort--not hearing your child cry or complain--if you spank them. And the end result is a spoiled child who does not listen.
The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Prov 29:15 NKJV
The idea behind spanking a child is not punishment, but instead is correction, as mentioned in Proverbs 23:13. We are to guide and train our children, not be their buddies. We are to be their parents. I found that, when done correctly, disciplining a child often draws them closer to the the parents. But take a look at the last part of this passage: But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. I have spoken to mothers of problem children that really are a shame to them. Often, it is because the child was not disciplined at all. The comment is "I always showed him I loved him, and this happened". Tell me, did you love them enough to correct him? In short, we must love our kids enough to guide, correct and discipline them when needed.
