OPEN: Have you ever noticed how little children pepper you with questions? I read the story once about a little four-year-old who did that to his mom.
"Mommy, where do babies come from?
Not quite sure she wanted to get technical with her son just now, she replied: "The stork."
“Oh, ok. (pause) Mommy, who keeps bad people from robbing our house?"
"The police, honey."
“Oh, ok. (pause) Mommy, if our house was on fire, who would save us?"
"That would be the fire department, sweetheart."
“Oh, ok. (pause) Mommy, where does food come from?"
"Well, Farmers grow the food honey."
“Oh, ok. (pause) Mommy?"
"Yes, sweetheart – what is it now?"
"What do we need Daddy for?"
APPLY: That little boy’s Dad wasn’t necessary to help making babies.
And his Dad wasn’t needed to keep bad people from robbing their house
And he wasn’t needed to save them from fire.
And he wasn’t needed to supply food.
So the question remained: if daddy wasn’t necessary for those things – what good was he?
That’s become the overall attitude of our society.
Men in general, and dads in particular, are considered irrelevant .
Years ago there was a bumper sticker that said:
"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."
A couple of years ago Jennifer Anniston, the 42 yr old actress from popular sitcom, Friends, made the statement that fathers were often inconvenient and when it came to child rearing they could be quite optional.
In the entertainment industry, we’ve gone from “Father Knows Best” … to Daddy’s an idiot. Sitcoms, Movies and even Cartoons portray fathers as mindless, humorous, and even stupid.
But Proverbs paints an entirely different picture of Fathers.
Now granted, the writer of Proverbs is a FATHER writing to his son. But this Father was not just any Father – He was a man inspired by the Holy Spirit to give us God’s Wisdom. And God’s wisdom throughout Proverbs about Fathers is this:
“…keep your father‘s commands...” Proverbs 6:20
“Listen to your father, who gave you life...” Proverbs 23:22
“A wise son heeds his father‘s instruction…” Proverbs 13:1
“Listen, my sons, to a father‘s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding.” Proverbs 4:1
And, of course, our passage this morning: “When I was a boy in my father‘s house, still tender, and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said, "Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live. Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them.” Proverbs 4:3-5
In that passage alone, God loudly declared that fathers are critical.
Throughout Proverbs God teaches each and every son and daughter: listen to your Dad. Your dad has things to tell you. He has things that you need to hear!
Now why would God tell children to do this? Why command them to pay attention to their dads? Well, because the tendency – especially of teenagers – is to believe that their Dads don’t know anything!
ILLUS: Mark Twain famously said:
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in 7 years.”
Recent research indicates that Dads are a vital resource for their children.
1. This first is an extremely encouraging piece of information, but it also is one that needs a little explanation: Research indicates that the best fathers are the biological ones. That’s one of the reasons that God hates divorce, it puts step-fathers in a very difficult position. They generally aren’t as equipped to supply what the kids need.
However, as much as I appreciate statistics, and as difficult it is for Step-fathers to “step in” and shape their children’s lives, the one thing statistics often don’t take into account is the power of God to fix what is broken in people’s lives. A biological father IS the best father for child. But a step-father who heeds the things I’m going to tell you today will have God’s power to undo the damage that not having the biological father in the picture can create.
2. Sons learn about male responsibility, achievement, suitable assertiveness, and independence best from their fathers.
3. Daughters who enjoy their fathers, experience a healthier femininity. They feel worthy of love, and they’re more able to trust the men they marry.
4. Fathers protect their daughters from abuse, protect their sons from violence, protect their wives from rape and assault, and protect their neighborhoods from intrusion and disorder.
5. Fathers provide stimulating and exciting "rough and tumble" play, but within limits. Children learn that biting and kicking and other forms of physical violence are not acceptable. They learn when enough is enough.
ILLUS: A study among Texas prisoners showed that 90% of inmates did not learn to play as children or played abnormally. AND, the vast majority of those prisoners had little or no relationship with their fathers.
6. Fathers stress the survivor skills of competition, challenge, initiative, risk-taking, and independence. That’s what these dads brought to the table. In contrast, mothers brought an emphasis on social integration, relationships, and personal well-being. Researchers found that Fathers stressed justice, fairness, and duty (based on rules), Whereas, Mothers stressed sympathy, care, and helping (based on relationships). Children learn the healthy use of power from father and love from mother.
7. Because of that last truth, researchers Westley and Epstein (1970) said that ONLY THIS KIND of parenting "produces predominantly emotionally healthy children."
8. When fathers are involved with their children – those children can expect improved verbal skills, problem solving ability, academic achievement, proficiency in math, and reading.
9. The most striking effect, particularly for sons, is a child's increase in empathy and compassion. Males who exhibit anti-social and criminal behaviors almost never have good relationships with their fathers.
These are just SOME of the reasons that God declared that he desired to “… turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse." Malachi 4:6
What that tells me is: God believes in Fathers.
God has hardwired men to have a powerful impact on their children.
And He’s telling us that the presence of Godly fathers can make all the difference in the potential and in the future of their children.
God is looking to create successful fathers.
But how do fathers become successful?
Malachi 4:6 implies first that dads are successful when turn their hearts to their children. They spend time with their kids.
ILLUS: How many of you know who Billy Crystal is?
That’s right, he’s a comedian and a movie star.
When his daughter Lindsay turned 11, Billy was in New York filming a movie, and he called his daughter and he apologized for not being able to be there. Then he said a package would be delivered soon to make up for his not being there.
Later that day, when Lindsay opened the front door, there was this 6 foott high box on the doorstep wrapped in birthday paper. She began ripping open the box… only to find her Dad on the inside.
Billy said, "She hugged me for five minutes. It was unbelievable."
Now, why would Crystal do something like that? When Billy was 15 yrs. old when his father died of a heart attack. He said "I missed 25 birthdays with my dad. I’m not going to let that happen with my girls."
That’s the kind of Father God calls us men to be.
A father who WANTS to be there for his children.
But if we’re going to be successful fathers, there’s one more thing we need to do.
A father who wants to be successful will make sure that God is his FIRST priority.
Jesus said it this way: “seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33
Now, I want you to turn with me to I Kings 11:9-13 and I’m going to illustrate this from the Bible in a unique way.
As you’re turning there, let me explain that the majority of the book of Proverbs was written by King Solomon. He was famous for being the wisest man who ever lived. But at one point in his life, this wisest man did a very dumb thing: he got God very angry.
Follow along with me as I read:
“The LORD became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the LORD, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. Although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the LORD’s command.
So the LORD said to Solomon, "Since this is your attitude and you have not kept my covenant and my decrees, which I commanded you, I will most certainly tear the kingdom away from you and give it to one of your subordinates.”
Solomon made God so angry that God was going to tear his kingdom away from him. But now notice the next verse, verse 12:
“Nevertheless, for the sake of (WHO?) David your father, I will not do it during your lifetime. I will tear it out of the hand of your son.”
Solomon has disobeyed God. He has made God so angry that God intended to punish him by tearing up his kingdom. BUT because Solomon’s father was David (a man after God’s own heart) God said He wouldn’t tear Solomon’s kingdom during his lifetime.
But wait, there’s more. Look at verse 13.
“Yet I will not tear the whole kingdom from him (Solomon’s son), but will give him one tribe for the sake of (WHO?) David my servant and for the sake of Jerusalem, which I have chosen."
So, in other words, Solomon angered God to the point where the kingdom was going to be torn apart during his son’s lifetime… but not completely. Solomon’s son would be left with one tribe – Judah. WHY? – For the sake of that boy’s grandfather. Because David sought first the kingdom and the righteousness of God, he brought the blessings of God upon both his son and his grandson.
Now… here’s the deal.
If YOU (as a Father) make God the first priority of your life – if you seek first His kingdom and His righteousness - your dedication to God will create an umbrella effect for your family. Even if, they mess up and do terrible things with their lives God will still (for your sake) place an umbrella of protection over your children and your grandchildren.
That’s essentially what Exodus 20:5-6 tell us
“…I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, BUT showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.”
You CAN be stupid in your life if you want to.
You CAN do things that are in direct disobedience to God – and your sin will not only damage your life, it will damage the lives of your children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
BUT you CAN break that cycle.
You CAN decide to repent of those choices and seek God’s Kingdom and His righteousness. And if that’s the choice you make, you can undo much of the damage your previous choice have brought about. What that part of the 10 commandments is promising is = if you love God and keep His commandments, He’ll not only bless you… He’ll bring His blessings upon your children, grandchildren, etc. etc. etc. for a 1000 generations.
That’s what I want for my children.
That’s how I want to live.
I want to live in such a way that I KNOW God will protect my kids after I die. That would be the ultimate inheritance to leave for our children.
Now, that said, there is an elephant in the room. There’s a reality that we can not ignore.
• Not all dads are good men.
• Not all fathers step up and invest in their children.
• Not all fathers dedicate themselves to God. Some dads are godless, selfish, and cruel men.
It’s almost like they’ve "orphaned" their children. They are not men who are “there” for their sons and daughters. They don’t give them a proper example in their lives. It’s like they’ve left their children “fatherless”.
In that case, Psalm 68:5 tells us that God is “A father to the fatherless…”
If you belong to God, even if you don’t got a daddy… you’ve got a daddy.
Romans says that once we become Christians we receive His Spirit “… you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, ’Abba, Father.’” Romans 8:15
• When you Believe that Jesus is the Christ the Son of the Living God
• When you accept that you’ve sinned and fallen short in your life and are willing to repent - need to change how you live
• When you are willing to confess that Jesus will now be the Lord and Master of your life
• And when you’re willing to allow yourself to be buried in the waters of baptism and risen up a new creature in Christ…
When you’ve done that, you get to call God your Father. And no matter what your earthly father was like… you now have a heavenly Father Who is better than even the best father that ever lived.
Now, there is ONE last thing we need to address.
Ephesians 6 says:
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
‘Honor your father and mother’— which is the first commandment with a promise—‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’” Ephesians 6:1-3
The Bible tells me that all of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
Does that mean I have sinned?
Does that mean the Elders have sinned?
Does that mean the Sunday School teachers have sinned?
Does that mean… that my parents sinned?
You know, I had the greatest mom and dad a man could hope to have. But they sinned and fell short of the glory of God just like you and I have.
All parents have sinned.
All parents fall short of the glory of God.
And, frankly, it’s hard for kids to honor imperfect parents. Sometimes… it’s real hard.
But God teaches us that it is crucial that we still honor our parents. And so God made that THE ONLY COMMANDMENT in the 10 Commandments to have a promise attached to it. It was the only commandment that said – if you do this it will go well with you. And you will enjoy a long life on the earth.
But why should I honor a father who isn’t all that he should be?
Well, because I’m a Christian.
That’s the ONLY reason I should do anything in my life.
Once I became a Christian, God became my heavenly Father. You and I belong to Him… and He calls us to minister to your earthly fathers. He calls us to be missionaries to them. He calls us to share the joy and hope that Jesus brought into our lives with the ones who “gave us life.”
Sometimes, that’s easy.
Sometimes it’s not.
CLOSE: How many of you have heard of professional football player Jim Schaunessey (most had not). Well, in “Oil Trough, Pennsylvania” (where he grew up) they not only have heard of him, but they annually celebrate a "Jim Schaunessey Day". He was THE football player of their city. He played a rough form of football known as “smash mouth” football. Schaunessey was a tough, mean, angry and motivated football player. And he was not the kind of player you wanted to be on the other side of the scrimmage line from. He’d hurt you, and enjoy doing it.
His nasty aggressive style of play earned him a full scholarship to Arizona State and eventually he was drafted by the New England Patriots. That may be why you haven’t heard of him (we’re in the land of the Colts).
How did Jim get to be so nasty?
As he was growing up his dad would beat him on a regular occasion.
He said "My dad would paint the kitchen with my blood. And then he'd beat up my mom before my eyes."
That kind of abuse shaped his personality.
He recalled "I was in hundreds of barroom fights, and I've never lost one."
Those fights generally started when Jim saw a man hurt or insult a woman in the bar. When that happened he'd "light the man up" in repayment for the abuse he'd seen his mom receive from his dad.
But in Jim's junior year in college, his life changed drastically. The man who wrote the account that I read of this man’s life explained that Jim had a "head on collision (pause) with a crucified Man”, and he “used those three nails of Christ’s cross to pin his anger permanently on his own rugged cross.”
Jim became a new man!
Shortly after his conversion Jim met a man named Gary Smalley.
Smalley challenged Jim to forgive his dad and go home to seek reconciliation.
Essentially, Jim stated there was NO way that was going to happen.
Gary asked, "Jim, how much of your broken relationship with your dad is your fault?"
Jim became angry. "Three percent at most. 97% is my dad's fault."
Then Gary said. "As a follower of Christ, Jim, you need to take 100% responsibility for your 3%."
Somehow that made sense to Jim.
So, Jim went home to find his father hadn’t changed much. His dad was rude and insulting, constantly ridiculing his son. This made his mission difficult, but Jim was determined. He asked for his father’s forgiveness. He apologized for everything HE had ever done to his dad.
But the magic moment didn’t happen. His dad wasn’t impressed. Instead he just kept on kept on insulting and belittling his son. This shook Jim so much that he began to weep.
Then, almost without realizing he was doing so, he began to pray out loud.
"God, my Father, I just ask that someday my dad can know You as his father as you have allowed me to know You?"
To Jim's surprise, he saw his dad begin to weep.
He suddenly saw his father as a broken and bitter old man.
And then he heard his dad begin to pray, "God, someday, will You let me know You the way Jim does?"
That single incident broke the barrier between them.
Jim’s dad converted to Christ as well, and for the first time in his life, he began to experience peace.
For the remaining 14 year of his dad's life, Jim and his dad prayed together, played together and traveled together to places his dad had always wanted to see.
(from an article by Joe White, “One2Won Crosstraining, Session 18”)
