Why Can’t We Be Friends?”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 and Proverbs 13:20
One of the most popular topics in song writing today has been the subject of friendship. The Beatles sang I get by with a little help from my friends. James Taylor and Carole King sang a song titled “You’ve got a friend.” The words read….
Ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend, when people can be so cold, they’ll hurt you and desert you, and take your should if you let them, Oh but don’t you let them. You just call out my name and you know wherever you are, I’ll come running to see you again. Winter, spring, summer or fall, all you have to do is call. And I’ll be there…you’ve got as friend.
Solomon and David both remind us that one of the best investments we will ever make in life is an investment in people…making friends. When he says two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor-the word reward can also be translated return. It means that these dividends that are paid to you when you and I invest in a friendship. As we go through life there are two kinds of things we can give out lives to. (1) We can try to accumulate more and more stuff or (2) we can give our lives, invest our lives in people. Malcolm Forbes said, “He who dies with the most toys wins.” Forbes has died since that statement so his thoughts have likely changed. If we spend all of our life trying to get more and more we will never find fulfillment. We will never find happiness in things. So this is a definite area where you and I need some guardrails.
It’s unfortunate that one of the things we often hear is this: “I don’t have very many friends.” Maybe you have said that before. Or we may say you know I’m hurt-I thought they were my friend-I can’t believe they did that to me.
Last week we said that a guardrail is a system designed to keep vehicles from straying into dangerous areas or areas that are off limits. That’s what a guardrail does. They are placed on bridges, in a median and at places where there is a sudden change in the road. We all need them. But here is the definition that I want us to use because these messages are not really about highways, they are about life.
A guardrail is a standard of behavior that becomes a matter of conscience. If they are in place life will run much smoother but if we don’t have them, life can takes us into some dangerous situations. In fact your greatest regret financially, in relationships, your health-anything can become your greatest regret if you don’t have these guardrails in place.
Today I want us to talk about one specific area. I want to talk about friendship. At some point in life all of us find ourselves close to people, those we work with, those we go to school with, those we socialize with-we find that spending time with people whose lives are moving in the opposite direction that we are. And that’s a very dangerous place to be.
Now this tension of moving in the opposite direction, of being too close to the wrong people, this began for us in childhood. If your parents disciplined you by giving you boundaries then you know how this worked. Your parents would often become very concerned about the people you were running around with. They might even move you out of the neighborhood, or have you change schools. Parents will say you can’t go to his house; you can’t spend the night there. And we’re like but why? It’s great over there. Their parents are never home. We can do whatever we want to. Why not? And your parents are like; you just answered your own question.
Now your parents were not bad people when they did that-your parents understood a very important principle. Here it is. Your friends will ultimately determine the direction and quality of your life. Here’s how that works the things that makes friendship so great is the same thing that makes it so dangerous. When I’m with a friend, I drop my guard. I’m just going to be myself. When I’m with people who accept me and when you are with people who accept you, then we become very open to their influence in our lives. Huge principle here. Write it down. Acceptance leads to influence. We close down around rejection. We open up around acceptance. That’s what makes friendship so great—that’s also what makes it so dangerous. Don’t raise your hand but I would guess that the first cigarette you ever smoked or the first drink you ever took was with a friend. It was for me...in both cases.
My best friend, Glenn-his grandfather ran a small grocery store on Main street and even though we were very yoiung—12 or 13 Glenn knew where the keys were and he had access to the store and we could go in when it was closed. So we wanted to smoke. So we went in and took one pack of cigarettes of every kind…probably 25 brands so that they would not be missed. We then found a place to store them and that became our smoke house.
Glen’s mother was a beautician and she would often wash women’s hair with beer. He said to me one day …I was 14 or 15 by this time hey I know how to get beer. His mother would give him 50 cents and say go down to your grandfather’s store and get one of the workers to buy a quart of beer and bring it to me. I need it for the beauty shop. He says if you’ve got a quarter and I’ve got a quarter, we’ve got beer. So we did. And I remember my first drink was behind his house that night. We had stored the beer in a field, it was hot as could be...but we drank it because we were cool. Many of us have behaviors today that we can trace back to something that was just something we did because of a friendship. You see some of us today are involved in things now and we used to think those things were sin but now you’re open to those things. You have a friend and you got closer and closer and closer and you are the one who changed directions. Why? Because there was no guardrail in place.
Solomon said “walk with the wise and you will become wise. [That’s a promise] Then he says a companion of fools suffers harm. [That’s a warning]. It’s on the screen and I would like for us to read it together...out loud.
One of the things this scripture says to me is that all of life is connected. By connected that means that what you do today, what you decided to day, what you think about today will influence who you are tomorrow—that what you did yesterday will impact your experience in life today. All of life is connected. There are no isolated events. So if we are wise, we will make decisions based not just on today but on tomorrow and the next day. So if we spend time with people who are wise and we make decisions then you will become like those people. But bluntly if you are a companion of fools then you will become a foolish person as well.
Now I know what some of you are already thinking. You think well they’re my friends but I will never do what they do. I’ll never think the way they think. So I’m OK. Solomon says you’re dead wrong because the companion of fools whether you adopt that lifestyle you will still suffer the consequences of their behavior. This is a principle from the scripture. And if you ignore it, there is a price to pay. And you will pay the price because you didn’t have guardrail in place. So I want to give you 5 guardrails this morning. These are guardrails I have learned are necessary because over the past 35 years I have sat with a lot of people who were hurting because they did not have them in place. You need these.
1. You need a guardail/separation when you realize that your best friends are not moving in the direction you want for your life. This is one of the reasons I am passionate about Bible study groups. Discipleship groups. Because I don’t want your entire church experience to be coming here and sitting in rows. I want you to get in circles with a circle of believers and grow together. I want you to have a growing relationship with others people in this church who are headed in the same direction.
2. You need a guardrail when you catch yourself pretending to be somebody other than who you really are. When I’m with this group of people I sort of ignore their values, I ignore their worldview, and I work hard trying to fit in. In other words, when you are with them, you are a different person. That should bother you. You are moving in a dangerous direction. You need a guardrail.
3. You need a guardrail when you feel pressured to compromise your beliefs. Let me say this in a different way. When what has never been a temptation before suddenly becomes an option for you, it should scare you to death. When you begin considering behavior you have always considered being off limits then you are only a few feet away from real danger and you need a guardrail.
4. You need a guardrail when you hear yourself saying well I’ll go but I won’t participate. I’ll be the designated driver, I’ll just hang out with them but I won’t participate. Solomon’s warning here is this—it is not necessarily that you participate, it is the fact that you are there when they do it. That’s a danger too. See you never know when they are going to make a decision that will be associated with you-financially, legally, morally. So this should be a red flag to you that you need to slow down.
5. You need a guardrail when you hope that the people you care about the most don’t find out where you’ve been or who you’ve been with. When you are already in your mind creating a defense for what you might do, then you need to take a giant step back.
Let me tell you what the greatest gift is you can give to a friend. It is an invitation to start a relationship with Jesus Christ. Many of you are here today because a friend invited you. If you have never invited Jesus to be your best friend I ‘m going to ask you to do that in just a moment. Many names for Jesus in the scripture..He is the alpha and omega, our advocate, dozens of names. The one I like most id friend of sinners. It was meant as an insult but I am sure Jesus took it as a compliment. Jesus is the one who when everyone else walks out on you, he comes running in and today, right now you can invite him to come and live in your heart. Let’s pray.
Jesus you are the one friend who accepts us just as we are. You know more about us but you love us more than anyone else. Thank you for your precious blood that was spilled for us on the cross. I want you to continue to bow your head and I am going to ask every person here to pray this prayer with me, silently.
Lord Jesus I want to be your friend and I am thankful you want to be mine. I realize I am a sinner and that my sin has separated me from you. I recognize that friendship would not be possible without your sacrifice on the cross. Thank you for payig for my sin. I accept your friendship. Lord, come into my life and save me. Come into my life and be my best friend.
In Jesus name, Amen. Today perhaps you have never prayed a prayer like that. It is your first time and you were sincere…. that means Jesus has just walked right into your life. He will never leave you. I want to invite you to make Jesus your best friend.
