Introduction
The story of Job is one that has been talked about through the ages. This one man, lost so much, in such a short period of time, and still found a way to move on with his life. But, he didn’t do it alone. When we talk about the book of Job, we normally talk about his sufferings, and focus on the interaction between God and Satan.
What we don’t often talk about, is the friends that Job had around him. After Job lost all of his livestock and wealth, his servants and occupation, his children and health, three men were there to support him.
Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar were there for him. Just as many of our own friends, they didn’t get everything right. But what they got right, they got right in a big way.
Take a look at what they did in Job 2:11-13:
11 Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him. 12 And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. 13 And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great. (Job 2:11-13, ESV)
Time: Sacrificing our schedule
These three men made it their mission to come from far and take care of a friend in need. It was their main concern as they dropped whatever they were doing to focus on Job’s needs. They showed where their heart was by the actions they took.
And these actions showed us exactly where their priorities were. Just like them, the priorities in our life become apparent when we look at how we spend our time. Where our calendar reflects an action, that shows what we feel is important. What’s not listed in the appointment book is just as telling. What we don’t set time aside for, must not be part of our top ten list of things to do.
Although Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar didn’t have Microsoft Outlook or Google Calendar to track their activities, these friends reflected the importance of the moment in their actions. They spent their energy and schedule grieving with Job’s loss on many levels:
• the father of ten dead children,
• the loss of a rich empire crumbled into bankruptcy,
• servants killed serving their master
• and a body that refused to heal.
No better time was there to have friends around him. It’s doubtful that any man has had a greater need.
Job sorely needed the support. He needed someone to comfort him, even for just a little while, and these three men were there for just that reason.
And it says that they traveled from some distance. Think of the numbers of animals that Job possessed:
• 7,000 sheep,
• 3,000 camels,
• 500 oxen
• and 500 female donkeys.
Such large flocks must have taken up a lot of room. How many acres of land were required to take care of his livestock? How much room did they require to eat, breed, roam and play. The extent of Job’s property must have been immense. There’s no doubt that Job lived in a very rural setting far away from any of his friends.
Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar probably dedicated several days just to travel and see Job, let alone the seven days and night mentioned in chapter 2. Travel during this point in history was much different than it is today. They didn’t just jump on their favorite camel and ride across town to see a friend. Instead, they had to plan for the journey, and travel hours or even days, to see Job in his grief and suffering. They brought a caravan to provide for their own security, food and shelter to help them on the journey, all far from their own homes to where Job lived.
So much to do to see a friend. They chose to sacrifice their own schedule, put their lives on hold, and seek out someone who needed their time. They chose to put Job before themselves. They chose sacrifice over convenience.
Perhaps we could learn a lot from these men as they put others before self. They set aside their business, hobbies, and families to find a way to help a friend. In today’s terms, they stepped away from work and time at the beach, put away their BlackBerries, laptops and television and took a moment to care for a friend. Just being there was half the support Job longed for. Looking into their faces, he knew that someone cared.
Humility: Sitting with the grieving
But, these three amigos did more than just show up. They paid attention to the pain that Job was experiencing and listened to his heart breaking.
Look at how they reacted when they saw Job:
“…they raised their voices and wept…
they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads…
they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights”
(Job 2:12b-13a, ESV)
Can you imagine that? An entire week spent with Job, sitting on the ground, just to experience the moment with him, and aid him in the best way they knew how. This sitting with the grieved for an extended period, is called Sitting Shiva, or literally, sitting sevens. It’s become part of the Jewish way of life, and a sign of support shown to the survivor. In Genesis chapter 50, Joseph lamented over the death his father Jacob for seven days. In Ezekiel chapter 3, the prophet sat for seven days, overwhelmed by the rebellion of the nation of Israel (Ezekiel 3:15). The seven days was seen as a time of completeness and a natural part of the mourning process. Through these days and nights, they shared in the sorrow of Job. They sat with him, wept with him, put dirt on their heads like he did, tore their clothes with him, and gave their undivided attention to him; all of this to show their care and concern for a hurting friend.
Many of us may find it hard to free up a few hours in our schedule, let alone seven days. That’s one thing. But, the idea of rubbing dirt on our heads and tearing our clothing is a real foreign idea in our culture. But that was their custom.
And it was this sitting in the dirt that put them closer to Job. It was the willingness to experience some of the physical discomfort he faced. They see this shaven, dirty, unkempt man as their friend; they cried aloud and tried to empathize with his pain. It was a time for them to share their emotions and show that they could feel some of the loss that he was experiencing.
I’ve seen firsthand how a similar story of sitting with those hurting is repeated in nursing homes, hospital emergency rooms and private homes nearly everyday. Those suffering with long-term health issues, hospice patients and their families, face some of the same types of grieving that Job faced. Pastors and chaplains come to visit the sick and dying as well as their grieving families. Sometimes it’s playing a game to take their mind off of the pain. It could be a setting up a Christmas tree, or praying together to raise the spirit of the down-trodden, or even the singing of a familiar hymn. Sometimes it’s getting dirty with the problems of medical care and the unpleasant nature of cleaning up an embarrassing situation. Sick people often need help cleaning up. But, the part that people really want, the part that they really need, is just having a friend there that cares. They want someone to be there and have an ear handy. They want a source of love to share the moment with, even if the moment is not all that pleasant.
Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar found a way to share themselves with Job, and they weren’t afraid to show their emotions. They humbled themselves in the experience, and tried their best to empathize with Job’s plight. They showed us just how important they thought it was to be with those who hurt, and try as they could, to understand his pain. Sometimes, we need to step down into our friend’s situation to understand a glimpse of what they’re feeling.
Listen: Leave the Talking to the Grieved
But there’s more to friendship than just showing up. One of the more difficult aspects of the week must have been the long stretches of time with no conversation. Many of us would rather speak than listen and find the moments of silence impossible to deal with. As a general rule, people are not good listeners, even when those around us need an ear to hear, rather than lips to speak.
We love to talk, and we love to have others listen to us. But talking is not as important as listening. Speaking is not always what hurting people need. Lectures often don’t do the trick and the wisdom of the day is not always so wise. Instead, friends have to let friends express themselves by listening.
These friends took time, not only to HEAR his anguish, but to LISTEN to the concerns of his heart. They gave him their full attention rather than being distracted by the events of their own lives. They waited patiently for Job to speak; they waited for him to be ready to express himself.
Listening is more than just being patient and waiting for them to speak. It’s also giving them the time to think about what’s going on. It’s a time of reflection, a time of mourning, a time of healing. Sometimes, it’s allowing moments where nothing is said. But, many of us are uncomfortable with extended periods of silence. We want someone to say something. We’re ready to listen, but feel we must talk if no-one else is going to. These periods of silence are also a form of communication.
I want all of you to try something. Don’t speak. Just listen and observe. Look at the person next to you. Look into their eyes. What do you see? What do you feel? Do you see concern or confusion? Is it laughter or happiness? Is it pain, anger, or love? Can you see something about what the person next to you is thinking? Can you tell something about how they’re feeling? For many of you, I bet you can figure out exactly what the person is thinking. For the rest, you probably can see something, even if you’re not entire sure what it is. The point is that you can communicate a lot without saying a word.
I find it interesting that SILENT and LISTEN are both spelled with the same letters. But, yet we don’t associate them as being connected. Sometimes just being there, and not saying a word, is the best response we can offer. Sometime, we say more with our silence, than by what we express in words.
Robert Louis Stevenson tells this story that captures what I’m trying to say. A storm caught a vessel off a rocky coast and threatened to drive it, and its passengers to destruction. In the midst of the terror, one daring man, contrary to orders, went to the deck. He made a dangerous passage to the pilot house and saw the steerman at his post holding the wheel unwaveringly, and inch by inch, turning the ship out, once more, to sea. The pilot saw the passenger and smiled. Then, the daring traveler went below and gave out a note of cheer: "I have seen the face of the pilot, and he smiled. All is well." (Adopted from Robert Louis Stevenson, “Comfort”, http://www.sermonillustrations.com/a-z/c/comfort.htm)
The pilot was able to communicate just as well as if he had said something. He did it with a simple smile, and the passenger was satisfied. An entire conversation happened, from worry and concern, acknowledging the worry, asking the status of the journey, to a direct answer along with encouragement and comfort, all without a single word being spoken. This is the power silence can have when someone is grieving. This is the power of paying attention to the unspoken language. This is the power of just being there, when someone is hurting.
Closing
Friendship. Sympathy and comfort can take on many forms, and they did with the response of Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar. They showed us just what it means to be a friend, when crisis is all that surrounds them. They sacrificed their schedule to spend time with a man who needed a shoulder to cry on. They humbled themselves to empathize with the pain of their dear friend. They listened, and patiently waited through the period of silence, as they honored his pain. They were there for him, when no answers could ever address Job’s questions.
One of the moments in the movie Forrest Gump, summarizes their response best. In the movie, the lead character, Forrest Gump, spent a lot of time being there for the love of his life Jenny. She struggled with her own demons of her past, and grieved over a different kind of loss. She had endured a childhood of abuse and neglect at the hands of her father. It was a loss Forrest knew nothing about. In one scene, Forrest and Jenny visited her old house, where she relived these demons. Forrest watched as Jenny became angry and threw stone after stone at the weather-beaten old house which held the many painful memories.
When Jenny finally quit throwing rocks, she began to cry. Forrest didn’t really understand why or what she felt. But he was there for her and offered her the only support he knew how to provide. He wanted to do something more for his hurting friend. But found little left for him to do. He said, "Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks."
Sometimes life's wounds are so great that no amount of stone-throwing can ease the pain. Sometimes, we can’t understand the pain that we can see in others, but we can be there for them, to help them with the difficult situation. We can listen and try to understand the silence. (based on illustration by Phil Callaway, “The Total Christian Guy”, 1996. http://www.e-steeple.com/browse-by-topic/C/Comfort.html)
Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar understood how to be there, and how to be a friend. It’s about our willingness to sacrifice our time, to humble ourselves to their situation, to put other’s needs before our own, and listen to the concerns of their heart. We can learn a lot from these good friends, and look for the opportunities for us to be one of those friends as well.
