-Romancing the Home
Revelation 2:1-5
David Henderson Pastor, Teacher
Well, why don’t you treat me like you used to do? How come you treat me like a worn out shoe? My hair’s still curly and my eyes are still blue.
Why don’t you love me like you used to do?
Why don’t you spark me like you used to do?
And say sweet nothings like you used to do?
I’m the same old trouble that you’ve always been through,
So, why don’t you love me like you used to do?
Well, why don’t you be like you used to be?
How come you find so many faults with me?
Somebody’s changed so let me give you a clue.
Why don’t you love me like you used to do?
(Hank Williams, Why Don’t You Love Me Like You Used to Do)
Some of you recognize that old Hank Williams song. It’s aptly called why don’t you love me like you used to?” Some of you who don’t recognize the song, can recognize those feelings though. If you are like most couples, when you married, when you got together, you saw stars. ..and your only thoughts were that you wanted to stay together forever.
Guys do you remember how things started out? Your palms would start sweating at the thought of holding her hand. Do you remember how she would look at you, and you’d wonder how in the world you were ever lucky enough to get such a girl? Ladies do you remember the time you put on that first meal? Trying to make it just right? Now, if it can’t be micro-waved he’’s not getting it. What happened? Where’s the romance?
Sadly, in many of our homes today husbands and wives have become nothing more than roommates. The romance has died. Listen, Passion is not supposed to die. Love isn’t supposed to die. In Proverbs 5:18-19 we read May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. [19] A loving doe, a graceful deer--may she satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. The word translated there as ““ravished”” in the KJV means to be intoxicated. In other words, God wants you and I to forever, in old age as in young, to be overwhelmed by the love of our spouses. Our love is never to grow cold. But let’s be honest ...there are all kinds of tings that get in the way...work-we get too busy, we hurt each other and we choose not to apologize, we choose not to forgive...we get involved in parenting, distractions come along and just plain exhaustion can cool the flames of passion. They can put the fire of romance out in our lives. Look with me at what the Bible says we can do to rekindle the romance.
- Read Revelation 2:1-5
I believe that God’s original design for relationships was something like this.....He placed fathers here on earth to be strong, to be protectors of te family-so that we could have an earthly picture of what our heavenly father is like. He gave us brothers and sisters so that we can understand the relationships we should have with our brothers and sisters in Christ. The same is true in our marriage relationships. In the Bible, Jesus Christ is called the Bridegroom of His Bride, the church. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and gave His life for her. So the relationship we have with our spouse is supposed to reflect the relationship Christ has with the church.
But rarely is it that way. And we forget how closely related our relationship with our spouse is supposed to like our relationship with Christ.
In these verses we find a local church, the bride of Christ in Ephesus and the church has a problem...they have fallen out of love with Jesus. Though they are still married, they still have a relationship, the love and excitement have gone And just as a husband or wife who is hurting might do Jesus asks this question of the church...why don’t you love me like you used to?
In the first couple of verses Jesus praises His bride. He says I know you’re faithful. I know you haven’t wandered. You’re still holding up your end of the deal, but you’re just going through the motions and it’s as though He’s saying, I miss the old days.
Now bring this down to your marriage...is your relationship still as exciting as it was when you first met? Do you still love your souse as much as you did then? The passage also speaks to marriages and we find here some instructions for bringing romance back into our marriages.
I. We must REMEMBER - v5 we must Remember what it used to be like. Much of our marriage counseling here at Eagle’s Landing is now done by Dr. Bill VonSick. He has recently completed his Master’s degree in Biblical Counseling and so he is more qualified, that is his calling and he does a wonderful job. When I have done counseling with couples who have been married for a significant period of time...say 5-10 years or more......one of the things I attempt to do with the couple is to help them remember, to recall what their love was like when they first got married. One ting always surprises me when I do this...because for a moment neither of them can really remember what it was like. I think they don’t want to remember at that point. And it tells me that there have been so many things that have happened since then that their memory is no longer clear...the memory is still there...it has simply ben buried by years of busyness, distractions and way to much unforgiveness.
The scripture says to remember the height from which you have fallen. And I think He would say it is farther than you think. And because of that it is taking a toll on your marriage. Then He says....
2. We must REPENT - V5 Repent means to change your mind. It means to change your direction. In other words, you need to realign the priorities in your life. You must change your mind about what’’s really important. H. Norman Wright who has been a successful marriage counselor says that one of the things that hurts marriages the most is the “blame game” that we too often play. One partner blames the other for problems in the marriage and what they want is for you to repent and take blame and you frankly may need to but usually the problems that confront marriages today do not come from just one source. Sometimes if we are confused about who caused the problem it would be good for us to take a long look in the mirror. Teddy Roosevelt said, “if you could kick the person in the pants who is responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for a month.
The blame game will absolutely cripple a marriage...in fact blaming cripples all of our relationships. The prophet Ezekiel gives us some good advice. He says (18:31) rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed and get a new heart and a new spirit. No more excuses.
3. REPEAT -V5 We must repeat. He says go back to doing the things you did at first. I recently read about a woman who wasn’t very happy in her marriage. So she went to see her psychologist, Dr. George Crane. And this is what she said to him, Dr. Crane i hate my husband. He says well why? She said I just don’t appreciate the way he treats me. I want a divorce and I want to hurt him as much as I can.”Dr. Crane said, “Well, if you really want to hurt him, this is what you should do. Start showering him with compliments. Tell him you love him. What a good husband he is. And how, after all these years, you’re glad you married him. Write him little notes of appreciation. And, after a few months, when he thinks everything is going great, start the divorce action.” That will really hurt him. So she did everything he suggested. A few months later, she went back to Dr. Crane. He said, “Well, are you ready to file for divorce?” She said, “Divorce? Why would I want to do that? I love my husband!”
You see, once she gave out love, once she stirred up some of those old feelings it all came back. If you dedicate yourself to giving your spouse creative, loving attention, you’ll be surprised at how fast the feelings will come back. Do the things you used to do. Open the car door. Wash her car for her. Send her a card, or flowers. Take her out to eat. Take her for a walk on the beach. Turn off the TV and spend some time with her. Put actions to your words.
The story is told of a young woman who was married and had 2 beautiful children. And all the appearances of a happy marriage. But one day as she was standing over the sink, washing dishes, she thought, ‘‘There must be more to life than this.’’ So she left. When her husband came home that day, he found a note she’d written and began to weep. He didn’t know where she was but she would call him once every week to check on the children, and he would always tell her of his great love for her and beg her to come home. She would always say no and hang up. Finally he hired a private investigator to find her and he went to the apartment where she was staying, nervously holding flowers in his hand as he stood at the door. He had rehearsed over and over again what he would say and he finally got up the nerve to knock on the door. She opened the door and he started to speak, but she suddenly began to cry and fell into his arms. Through her tears she said, ‘‘Let’s go home.” Months after, when things were starting to heal, he finally asked her something that had been bothering him: ‘‘All those times I talked to you on the phone; I asked you to come back and you refused. Why did you come back now?’’ Before,’’ she said, ‘‘you were just telling me that you loved me. When you came, you showed me.’’
Gentlemen, show your wife you love her... ladies, show your husband you love him.
