“Desperate Households”
Today: Communication
Ephesians 4:29-30
David Henderson, Pastor/Teacher
Today we begin a brand new teaching series titled Desperate Households. And for the next 9-10 weeks through we are going to be talking about the family. And I want you to know that in preparing for this series I have been thinking carefully about our congregation and also about our community and there will be some things in this series for everyone. These are the topics we will look at...
1. Understanding the differences in men and women. How we think...how we respond.
2. How to meet the needs of your spouse.
3. Words to women. How to become the woman of your husband’s dreams.
4. Mother’s day.
5. Message to all of our youth, graduating seniors.
6. What happens when there is trouble in paradise. Romance. Renew wedding vows.
Can we talk about romance in church? Absolutely. If you don’t think so read the Song of Solomon.
7. How to handle temptation. Whether married or not.
8. A word to all of the men. How to become the man of your wife’s dreams.
9. A message to all the Dads.
10. Finally a message to the church...the Family of God.
So with all of that, let’s get started. We will begin today with the topic of communication...how do we communicate with the opposite sex. This video we are about to see features Jim and Carol Shores, a couple who work as a comedy duo. They are called Acts of Renewal. I tink you will enjoy this.
A friend of mine who operates a large counseling practice in Central Kentucky, Dr. Ed Smith says that of the hundreds of couples he has spoken with that the most common complaint or question that seems to surface is this... Why do men do some of the things that they do? Why do women think the way they do? Why do we misunderstand each other so often? And he said that often it comes down to a very simple statement. Here it is. Men and women are different. You say wow pastor how long do you guys go to school to learn that? But what we find is that these differences that often attract us to one another are the same differences that can also divide us. So what is the solution? Let me give you a few scriptures to ponder for a moment.
Ephesians 5:25, 31-32 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." [32] This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church.
Colossians 3:9-10 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices [10] and have put on the new self.
Ephesians 4:29-30 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. [30] And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God.
Malachi 2:16 "I hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel, so guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.
Here is something that I have learned after 30 years of marriage and 31 years in the ministry and talking with hundreds of couples through the years...men and women really do not know how to talk to each other. And one thing is for sure...godly communication is essential to a good marriage. Yu can judge a marriage by how the couple talks to one another. Would you agree?
Now what do I mean by godly communication? Listen to this passage again. Ephesians 4:29 Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift. Another version. Ephesians 4:29
Don’t use bad language. Say only what is good and helpful to those you are talking to, and what will give them a blessing.
With that in mind I want to give you 5 Keys to godly communication.
1. Listen to what is being said. Proverbs 18:13 He who answers before listening--
that is his folly and his shame.
Do you remember how easy it was to talk when you were first dating? You could talk about anything for hours. You talked about your past, your future, your hopes... your dreams. You talked about your plans together. Now we are often so busy that we settle for leaving a short note on the table by the door. Then when we are together we often pretend to listen to each other while our minds are 100 miles away. We must learn to listen to each other. Turn off the TV. Put down the newspaper. Talk and listen.
2. Be open and honest in all you say. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Proverbs 12:22 God can’t stomach liars; he loves the company of those who keep their word. If there is ever a place where there must be honesty, it is in the home. So what are some things we should openly communicate about? Let me give you a few.
* Talk openly and honestly about finances and your spending habits.
* Be honest about where you go and what you do.
* Be honest about what you feel and what you think.
* Learn to talk openly and honestly about sex. I will have a message on this topic later in this series.
* Always, always, always tell the truth. Listen, one of the quickest ways to destroy someone’s respect for you is either to lie to them or to lie to one of their friends. Men and women both want someone they can trust.
3. Think before you speak. Proverbs 15:18 A quick-tempered man starts fights; a cool-tempered man tries to stop them. It is easy to say things that we don’t mean to say. Things we have given little or no thought to. And how many times has one sentence, one statement, perhaps even one word, changed the entire day.
Solomon also said ...Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
It is too easy to let our emotions, our weariness or our frustration to speak before our mind gets into gear. But the Bible says the wise man thinks before he speaks. And makes all the difference in the world and all the difference in your day.
4. Be kind in what you say. Solomon: Proverbs 12:25 An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. Paul: Colossians 3:8 but now is the time to cast off and throw away all these rotten garments of anger, hatred, cursing, and dirty language. Listen, it is not always what you say, but rather it is the way you say it.
The story is told of an ancient king who had a dream....he dreamed that all of his teeth had fallen out . The dream really shook him up so he called in one of his counselors to interpret the dream. The counselor thought for a moment and said, “your highness, the dream means that all your relatives will die and you will left alone. The king became so furious at the interpretation that he had the advisor kicked out of the room. He then called in a 2nd advisor. He told the 2nd advisor his dream and the advisor replied, Rejoice oh King! The dream means that you will live many years. In fact you will outlive all your relatives! Long live the king! And the king was so pleased that he gave the counselor a nag of gold.
Listen to Solomon. Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof
than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Men, this applies to us as well.
5. Not only should we be kind in what we say, we should also say kind things. It is not just how we say it, it is the content as well. Proverbs 27:5 A spoken reprimand is better than approval that’s never expressed.
In other words never miss an opportunity to encourage your spouse, o build up the one you love, to let the one you care about actually know that you care. Look for ways to encourage them, look for ways to compliment them, ways to build them up....look for ways to say kind things.
On July 29, 1981, one of the most highly publicized and glamorous weddings in history took place.
• Britain’’s Prince Charles married Lady Diana
• An estimated audience of 750 million people worldwide.
• 4500 pots of fresh flowers lined the route to St. Paul’s cathedral.
• 2500 people crowded that grand church where more than 75 technicians with 21 cameras worked to enable the world to watch this wedding.
• For many people, this was a modern fairy tale. A royal prince weds a lovely lady in a grand cathedral surrounded by adoring subjects.
• They were the envy of millions. They were rich, young, handsome. It was a "marriage made in heaven."
• Sadly, we know that the fairy tale became a nightmare. The couple grew more and more distant.
• Affairs ensued. The storybook marriage made in heaven eventually collapsed into adultery and divorce.
It takes more than a prince, a lady, and a palace to make a happy marriage.
• As someone said, "marriages may be made in heaven but the maintenance must be done on earth."
• For marriages to survive, they require regular maintenance. They require effort.
