Myth #3: I Could Never Forgive That Person Series

Myths Christians Often Believe

I COULD NEVER FORGIVE THAT PERSON

Introduction

Forgiving other people is a highly personal subject - most of the things that we struggle with forgiving are painful.

We have likely heard stories of people who forgave someone who hurt them deeply and it captures our attention. It might be a challenge for us to wonder if we could offer that kind of forgiveness? And for many people there is no wondering - they know from experience it is a struggle.

Forgiving others is also a significant health issue. Even non-religious sources tell us how important forgiveness is.

Mayo Clinic says that Forgiveness can lead to:

-Healthier relationships

-Improved mental health

-Less anxiety, stress and hostility

-Fewer symptoms of depression.

-Lower blood pressure; A stronger immune system.

-Improved heart health and Improved self-esteem.

So, forgiveness is a very human struggle, a significant health issue, and it is also a very biblical subject.

Matthew 6:14-15 NLT “If you forgive those who sin against you, our heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

That powerful statement tells us how God values forgiving others. Anne Lamont: “I really believe that earth is forgiveness school … To forgive someone is the hardest work we do”. There are several lies / myths that surround the subject of forgiveness and working through those might help us.

Let’s think through several myths about forgiveness that Christians sometimes believe.

1. Forgiveness Means You Have to Forget.

Pruitt: “Unfortunately, this is completely unrealistic for most people and most situations. …Memories are very real,

especially if they wrapped in hurt and letdowns. They may always be there.”

God has the ability to forget, to remove our sins and not keep them attached to us - but that may be a Divine ability we do not have.

Psalm 103:12 “He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.”

Psalm 25:7 “Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth. Remember me in the light of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O Lord.”

We are so grateful that God forgives and forgets - but the truth is that we may never be able to forget. Still, by God’s grace we can still choose to forgive. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a permanent attitude.”

2. Forgiveness Means You’re Condoning the Actions of Others.

This may be one of the biggest reasons we have a hard time forgiving. It doesn’t seem fair. Boa: “To forgive others means to release them from any obligation to make up to you what they have taken from you.” Lewis Smedes: “When you release the wrongdoer from the wrong, you cut a malignant tumor out of your inner life.

You set a prisoner free, but you discover that the real prisoner was yourself.”

Forgiveness is not condoning the actions of others, it is an act of faith that “means that we are releasing the right to resentment and that we entrust justice to God rather than seek it ourselves….it can be a lengthy process” (Boa)

Romans 12:19 ESV Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

There is only room for one judge - and that is the perfect God who judges everything perfectly.

3. Forgiveness Means You Have to be a Doormat

This is the fear that we will be hurt over and over again. Pruitt: “Forgiveness means I’m going to protect myself and free myself from others by not carrying with me the bitterness caused by them. This gives … Christians permission to be strong and assertive when they need to, while still having a forgiving heart.”

1 Corinthians 16:13 NIV “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.” These encouragements remind us to be watchful in our life, to live responsibly and to grow in our strength.

There is nothing about forgiveness that encourages us to remain in danger, submit to untruths, nor continue to allow others to act in ungodly ways toward us.

Matthew 10:16 “Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.”

4. Forgiveness Is Easy.

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things we can do, and we really cannot do it on our own power.

Ephesians 4:32 “…Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

Victory in this area will come from obedience to God, not from a reaction to other people’s actions - they may or may not say that they are sorry, they may or may not change their lives. It’s not easy to turn it over to God, but we must, for our sakes.