It Came From Within: Jealousy Series

It Came From Within: Jealousy

Each of the enemies of the heart we have talked about in this series has been about debt. Guilt says, "I owe you." Anger says, "You owe me." Greed says, "I owe me." The fourth issue is jealousy and it also is related to debt. Jealousy says, "God owes me."

When we think about jealousy we usually think of it in terms of what others have that we don't; things like looks, skills, opportunities, wealth, health, height, inheritance. The Torah warns us against this heart enemy:

Deuteronomy 5:21 NIV

"You shall not covet your neighbor's wife. You shall not set your desire on your neighbor's house or land, his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

On the surface, we think that the problem is with the person who has what we lack. But if we look deeper we realize that God could have given us exactly what it is that we feel we lack. We don't usually want what our neighbor has, we usually want something like what they have. We aren't so upset about their new car or _______________________. We are upset that God passed us up when He was passing that thing out!

It causes us sometimes to be disgusted with what another has that we lack. Have you ever been there? Have you ever wrestled with those feelings? Have you confessed them to God and then the next thing you know you see them with that thing or that person. You may even compliment them on the thing that they possess that you don't, but somewhere deep down it still erks you. But it is always there in your face, she has something that you don't, or you have something that she doesn't that you wish you could trade-in. God could have done it differently. He could have given you the same thing. It doesn't seem fair. Your perception is that if God had taken as good care of you, you would have ___________________... you wouldn't have _____________________.... We are like Rebecca as the twins Esau and Jacob wrestled in her womb. We ask, "Why am I thus?" (Genesis 25:22). We are like the proverbial clay asking the potter, "What makest thou?" (Isaiah 45:9).

Our real issue is with God. God could have given us ______________________, but He didn't. God owes me. We don't usually see it this way. When it comes up in our thoughts in worship, prayer, or Bible study, we confess it as sin. It is an issue between us and that other human person, we think. But, really our grudge is NOT against that other person, it is against God. The person we are jealous of, can't do anything to remedy the jealousy in our hearts. If they could give us what we think we want so badly, it would not make things better. It would probably make them worse.

You think that the thought of God owing you something is silly. But, that is exactly what jealousy is. One of the worst symptoms of jealousy is the sense of satisfaction that a jealousy person gets when they see things fail for the person they are jealous of. A good diagnostic tool is asking yourself if you have ever loved when someone else has fallen or lost in life? That sick satisfaction came from within; it came from the heart.

The person you are jealous of can't fix your issue. They will always be what they are and have what they have, and as long as you are jealous of them you will be unable to fulfill the second basic commandment of Christianity--love your neighbor as yourself. This is a serious heart issue and it can destroy ALL of your relationships if you do not learn how to overcome it. And that takes coming to the realization that it is something that is between you and God. You think God owes you something, and Paul said that covetousness is idolatry. As long as you are jealous you can't fulfill the first commandment either--love God with all that you are.

A debt of any kind, both perceived and real, is destructive to our relationships. Guilt says, "I owe you." We overcome it by the habit of confession. Anger says, "You owe me." And we conquer it through the consistent practice of forgiveness. Greed says, "I owe me." We uproot greed by practicing generosity; percentage giving and spontaneous giving, always generous giving. Jealousy is no different. It is a new heart-healthy habit that overcomes it. If we want healthy relationships, we work on our hearts.

The Bible is filled with broken relationships that were affected by jealously flowing from the core of some person or persons. Cain was jealous of Able. Esau was jealous of Jacob. Joseph's brothers were jealous of him. Woody felt replace by Buzz Light-year. In every instance, there is this sense that if God had just given them what they wanted everything would be what it should be. In each instance, the jealous person didn't get what they wanted.