Good Mourning

1. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. 15 For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.

2. Last Sunday was the first anniversary of Linda’s funeral. She died 3.12; we buried her on 3.16; and the celebration of her life on 3.17.18

a. On the one hand it has felt like a fast year

b. On the other hand, it has felt like 10 years

3. Grief is a hard experience and can cause a lot of personal damage (physical; social; spiritual; emotional)

Researchers from the Medical College of Virginia, in a study reported in Psychology Today, concluded that the death of a close relative is the single biggest contributor to depression. A serious illness would increase a person’s risk of depression by 330%; divorce/breakup raises it to an unhealthy 1,130%; serious marital problem and assault pushes risk to an alarming 1,400%; but the risk of depression in the death of a close relative soars to a dangerous 1,500%. (Psychology Today 11-12/95).

4. Grief is a common experience and I want to share with you some common lessons I have learned in this past year.

a. My hesitancy – I don’t want this to be about me or therapy for me

b. We have many in this congregation who are in a similar place. I want to speak to and for you.

c. I also want to speak to those who have yet to come to this place – you will or you will be the cause of someone’s grief – take some nuggets of preparation.

5. Remember, we grieve, but not like those without hope.

I. Some Hard Lessons I Have Learned

A. We Grieve Because We Love

To love at all is vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possible be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers...of love is Hell. ~CS Lewis

1. Mary and Martha with Jesus – John 11:21, 33 (If you had been here)

2. Jesus – John 11:35-36 35 Jesus wept. 36 So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”

B. Emotions Are Real and Powerful – Not Easily Controlled

[Sorrow {lament]-Regret-Anger (Job)-Hard to Pray-Telling the story Helps

C. Adjustments Are Hard

Aloneness – Quiet – Doing the Work of 2 – “Couples’ World”

II. Practical Pointers

A. Be Pensive and Weep – Genesis 23:1-2

Sarah lived 127 years; these were the years of the life of Sarah. 2 And Sarah died at Kiriath-arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan, and Abraham went in to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her.

B. Be Proactive – Genesis 23:12-16

12 Then Abraham bowed down before the people of the land. 13 And he said to Ephron in the hearing of the people of the land, “But if you will, hear me: I give the price of the field. Accept it from me, that I may bury my dead there.” 14 Ephron answered Abraham, 15 “My lord, listen to me: a piece of land worth four hundred shekels of silver, what is that between you and me? Bury your dead.” 16 Abraham listened to Ephron, and Abraham weighed out for Ephron the silver that he had named in the hearing of the Hittites, four hundred shekels of silver, according to the weights current among the merchants.

1. We Can Act Irrationally

A goat with a birthmark has fans of the late racing star Dale Earnhardt flocking to a farm 50 miles south of Jacksonville, Florida. The attraction is a nine-month-old Nubian goat that was born with white markings, which resemble the number “3,” the number on Dale Earnhard’s racecar on her right side.