1. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. 15 For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.
2. Last Sunday was the first anniversary of Linda’s funeral. She died 3.12; we buried her on 3.16; and the celebration of her life on 3.17.18
a. On the one hand it has felt like a fast year
b. On the other hand, it has felt like 10 years
3. Grief is a hard experience and can cause a lot of personal damage (physical; social; spiritual; emotional)
Researchers from the Medical College of Virginia, in a study reported in Psychology Today, concluded that the death of a close relative is the single biggest contributor to depression. A serious illness would increase a person’s risk of depression by 330%; divorce/breakup raises it to an unhealthy 1,130%; serious marital problem and assault pushes risk to an alarming 1,400%; but the risk of depression in the death of a close relative soars to a dangerous 1,500%. (Psychology Today 11-12/95).
4. Grief is a common experience and I want to share with you some common lessons I have learned in this past year.
a. My hesitancy – I don’t want this to be about me or therapy for me
b. We have many in this congregation who are in a similar place. I want to speak to and for you.
c. I also want to speak to those who have yet to come to this place – you will or you will be the cause of someone’s grief – take some nuggets of preparation.
5. Remember, we grieve, but not like those without hope.
I. Some Hard Lessons I Have Learned
A. We Grieve Because We Love
To love at all is vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possible be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers...of love is Hell. ~CS Lewis
1. Mary and Martha with Jesus – John 11:21, 33 (If you had been here)
2. Jesus – John 11:35-36 35 Jesus wept. 36 So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
B. Emotions Are Real and Powerful – Not Easily Controlled
[Sorrow {lament]-Regret-Anger (Job)-Hard to Pray-Telling the story Helps
C. Adjustments Are Hard
Aloneness – Quiet – Doing the Work of 2 – “Couples’ World”
II. Practical Pointers
A. Be Pensive and Weep – Genesis 23:1-2
Sarah lived 127 years; these were the years of the life of Sarah. 2 And Sarah died at Kiriath-arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan, and Abraham went in to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her.
B. Be Proactive – Genesis 23:12-16
12 Then Abraham bowed down before the people of the land. 13 And he said to Ephron in the hearing of the people of the land, “But if you will, hear me: I give the price of the field. Accept it from me, that I may bury my dead there.” 14 Ephron answered Abraham, 15 “My lord, listen to me: a piece of land worth four hundred shekels of silver, what is that between you and me? Bury your dead.” 16 Abraham listened to Ephron, and Abraham weighed out for Ephron the silver that he had named in the hearing of the Hittites, four hundred shekels of silver, according to the weights current among the merchants.
1. We Can Act Irrationally
A goat with a birthmark has fans of the late racing star Dale Earnhardt flocking to a farm 50 miles south of Jacksonville, Florida. The attraction is a nine-month-old Nubian goat that was born with white markings, which resemble the number “3,” the number on Dale Earnhard’s racecar on her right side.
The goat’s owner, Jerry Pierson, says, “It’s weird. I’ve seen people take pictures and get tears in their eyes.” --Parade Magazine, December 29, 2002, pg 6.
2. Do More than Distract (It Doesn’t Work in the Long Run)
3. Act with Intention
a. Ecclesiastes 3:4 – a time to weep; laugh; mourn; dance
C. Be Productive – Genesis 23:17-20
17 So the field of Ephron in Machpelah, which was to the east of Mamre, the field with the cave that was in it and all the trees that were in the field, throughout its whole area, was made over 18 to Abraham as a possession in the presence of the Hittites, before all who went in at the gate of his city. 19 After this, Abraham buried Sarah his wife in the cave of the field of Machpelah east of Mamre (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan. 20 The field and the cave that is in it were made over to Abraham as property for a burying place by the Hittites.
1. Personal Accomplishment: Abraham buried Sarah and increased his holdings
2. Personal Service: We often get help by giving help (a purpose in funerals)
Rabbi Norman E. Singer tells the story of a woman whose only son died. In her grief she went to the holy man and said, “What magical incantations do you have that will bring my son back to life?” Instead of sending her away or reasoning with her, he said, “Fetch me a mustard seed from a home that has never known sorrow. We will use it to drive the sorrow out of your life.”
The woman set out at once in search of the magical seed. She came first to a splendid mansion, knocked at the door and said, “I am seeking a house that has never known sadness. Is this the place?” They told her, “You have come to the wrong place,” and began to describe all the tragic things that had befallen them.
The woman said to herself, “Who is more able to help these poor people than myself, who has also known great sorrow?” She stayed on and comforted them, then went on in search for a home that had never known sorrow. But wherever she turned, in hotels and places, she found one tale after another of sadness and misfortune. She became involved in ministering to other peoples’ grief she forgot about her quest for the magical seed, never realizing it had in fact driven the sorrow out of her life.
The biggest challenge at the loss of a loved one is to live the remaining life with purpose.
D. Be Prayerful – Psalm 116:1-2
I love the LORD, because he has hear my voice and my pleas for mercy. 2 Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live.
A repeated theme from GriefShare: "I don’t how people go through this without the Lord. I don’t know how people go through this without the church and Christian friends." "It hurts," they say, "but I’m am so comforted by God’s promises."
1. God’s Compassion Psalm 116:5
Gracious is the LORD, and righteous;
our God is merciful.
2. God’s Protection Psalm 116:6
The LORD preserves the simple;
when I was brought low, he saved me.
3. God’s Deliverance Psalm 116:8-9
8 For you have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling;
9 I will walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.
In the late 1800’s Horatio G. Spafford, a Christian lawyer from Chicago, experienced the death of his infant son. Within weeks of that devastating loss came the infamous Chicago fire of 1871, which destroyed all his real estate holdings that he had on the shores of Lake Michigan, leaving him almost desolate. In 1873 Spafford, with the help of a friend, planned a trip to Europe, to just get away for a few weeks. And so, on Nov. 19 he placed his wife and four daughters on a luxury liner headed for France. Spafford was going to join them in about a week after he took care of some urgent business. But on Nov. 21, 1873, the ship the Spafford’s family was on collided with another vessel and within 12 minutes sank in the northern Atlantic. In the chaotic moments after the collision, all four daughters were swept away from Mrs. Spafford. She was knocked unconscious but was somehow rescued as one of the few survivors.
Back in Chicago, Horatio, heard of the accident and waited anxiously for news about his family. Finally, ten days later, a telegram came to his home, sent from his wife, who was in the hospital. The telegram contained just two words: "Saved - Alone." He knew that he had lost all four of his girls. Horatio Spafford was devastated. He began to shake uncontrollably and was comforted by his best friend and neighbor, Major Whittle.
With Whittle’s help Horatio Spafford, took a ship to France, to meet his wife and bring her home. On the journey he asked the captain to wake him in the middle of the night when they came to the approximate location of the accident. The captain did and as Horatio Spafford looked down in those cold, dark waters, which covered up his four little girls, he wept unashamedly. He then went to his cabin and penned the words to what has become one of our most famous hymns.
"When peace like a river, attendeth my soul, When sorrows like sea billows roll- Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul
The only way that Horatio Spafford could hold on to his faith in midst of devastating grief, was to put his absolute faith in Jesus Christ. That’s the only way you’ll hold up too.
