Forgiveness - Handling Hurts And Overcoming Offenses

As long as there are people in this world—and especially people close to us—there will be times when we will be hurt, misunderstood, or offended or cause offense to someone else. Sometimes it may be intentional but often it is unintentional. The question is not if it will happen but how will we handle it when it happens?

Will we do what is natural? Simply ignore it? Dismiss it? Minimize it? Sweep it under the carpet? Hold onto it? Seek revenge? Be embittered by it?

Or will we choose to handle it God’s way? Let’s turn to Colossians 3:12-16. I’ll be reading from the Amplified version.

Colossians 3:12-16

12 So, as God’s own chosen people, who are holy [set apart, sanctified for His purpose] and well-beloved [by God Himself], put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience [which has the power to endure whatever injustice or unpleasantness comes, with good temper]; 13 bearing graciously with one another, and willingly forgiving each other if one has a cause for complaint against another; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so should you forgive. 14 Beyond all these things put on and wrap yourselves in [unselfish] love, which is the perfect bond of unity [for everything is bound together in agreement when each one seeks the best for others]. 15 Let the peace of Christ [the inner calm of one who walks daily with Him] be the controlling factor in your hearts [deciding and settling questions that arise]. To this peace indeed you were called as members in one body [of believers]. And be thankful [to God always]. 16 Let the [spoken] word of Christ have its home within you [dwelling in your heart and mind--permeating every aspect of your being] as you teach [spiritual things] and admonish and train one another with all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God.

In this passage, the Apostle Paul gives us a picture of what relationships in the body of Christ, in the church should look like and how believers are to respond when conflict and misunderstanding arise. In v. 12 we are to:

1. See ourselves and others as God sees us

12) As “God’s chosen ones “our identity removes any distinction of who we think we are, what we have or don’t have, what we know or where we come from. Every person in the world is loved by God but all born again believers are members of His family and are heirs of His eternal “inheritance.” As believers we are set apart by God’s undeserved loving-kindness to be his ambassadors (cf. 1 Pet 2:9-10).”

What does it mean to be God’s ambassadors? It means we represent the values and character of the kingdom we belong to. That means the way we treat others is a reflection of our relationship to Jesus. In this same verse 12, Paul then describes:

2. The attitudes that shape our relationships

All of us are to put on a:

a. Heart of compassion - a heart that reflects Jesus’ concern for people who are hurting or who may be in a bad situation.

b. Heart of kindness - is a genuine desire to help, encourage, and bless others—even when there is nothing to personally gain.

c. Humility - we should not think of ourselves more highly than we ought, but have a sober and realistic assessment of who we are (in need of the same grace, equally loved by the same God, and on the learning curve of life with everyone else). It is a selfless perspective that values others as more important than ourselves (Phil 2:3-4).”

d. Gentleness - is gentleness timidity or passivity? No, a gentle person can: speak the truth in love, correct wrong and address conflict without aggression, harshness, or pride. It recognizes the fragility of people’s hearts and is not seeking to hurt the other, especially when they are hurting already.

e. Patience - there are many words used for patience but this particular word is speaking of having patience with people, relational patience - willing to wait a long time before acting, especially in the face of opposition, hurt or offence. It is the type of patience God exhibits towards us while He waits for us to respond to Him. This is a fruit of the Spirit and essential in any Christian relationship (Eph 4:2).

And when these attitudes are present in our hearts, we can then:

3. Handle hurt through grace and forgiveness

Verse 13 says:

Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other… just as the Lord has forgiven you.

Paul acknowledges something important:

The Christian community is made up of imperfect people from all types of cultures and experiences. We aren’t a very large church yet we have 48 nations represented here. 48 different cultures, individual personalities, and experiences. Should we be surprised when there are misunderstandings?