As long as there are people in this world—and especially people close to us—there will be times when we will be hurt, misunderstood, or offended or cause offense to someone else. Sometimes it may be intentional but often it is unintentional. The question is not if it will happen but how will we handle it when it happens?
Will we do what is natural? Simply ignore it? Dismiss it? Minimize it? Sweep it under the carpet? Hold onto it? Seek revenge? Be embittered by it?
Or will we choose to handle it God’s way? Let’s turn to Colossians 3:12-16. I’ll be reading from the Amplified version.
Colossians 3:12-16
12 So, as God’s own chosen people, who are holy [set apart, sanctified for His purpose] and well-beloved [by God Himself], put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience [which has the power to endure whatever injustice or unpleasantness comes, with good temper]; 13 bearing graciously with one another, and willingly forgiving each other if one has a cause for complaint against another; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so should you forgive. 14 Beyond all these things put on and wrap yourselves in [unselfish] love, which is the perfect bond of unity [for everything is bound together in agreement when each one seeks the best for others]. 15 Let the peace of Christ [the inner calm of one who walks daily with Him] be the controlling factor in your hearts [deciding and settling questions that arise]. To this peace indeed you were called as members in one body [of believers]. And be thankful [to God always]. 16 Let the [spoken] word of Christ have its home within you [dwelling in your heart and mind--permeating every aspect of your being] as you teach [spiritual things] and admonish and train one another with all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
In this passage, the Apostle Paul gives us a picture of what relationships in the body of Christ, in the church should look like and how believers are to respond when conflict and misunderstanding arise. In v. 12 we are to:
1. See ourselves and others as God sees us
12) As “God’s chosen ones “our identity removes any distinction of who we think we are, what we have or don’t have, what we know or where we come from. Every person in the world is loved by God but all born again believers are members of His family and are heirs of His eternal “inheritance.” As believers we are set apart by God’s undeserved loving-kindness to be his ambassadors (cf. 1 Pet 2:9-10).”
What does it mean to be God’s ambassadors? It means we represent the values and character of the kingdom we belong to. That means the way we treat others is a reflection of our relationship to Jesus. In this same verse 12, Paul then describes:
2. The attitudes that shape our relationships
All of us are to put on a:
a. Heart of compassion - a heart that reflects Jesus’ concern for people who are hurting or who may be in a bad situation.
b. Heart of kindness - is a genuine desire to help, encourage, and bless others—even when there is nothing to personally gain.
c. Humility - we should not think of ourselves more highly than we ought, but have a sober and realistic assessment of who we are (in need of the same grace, equally loved by the same God, and on the learning curve of life with everyone else). It is a selfless perspective that values others as more important than ourselves (Phil 2:3-4).”
d. Gentleness - is gentleness timidity or passivity? No, a gentle person can: speak the truth in love, correct wrong and address conflict without aggression, harshness, or pride. It recognizes the fragility of people’s hearts and is not seeking to hurt the other, especially when they are hurting already.
e. Patience - there are many words used for patience but this particular word is speaking of having patience with people, relational patience - willing to wait a long time before acting, especially in the face of opposition, hurt or offence. It is the type of patience God exhibits towards us while He waits for us to respond to Him. This is a fruit of the Spirit and essential in any Christian relationship (Eph 4:2).
And when these attitudes are present in our hearts, we can then:
3. Handle hurt through grace and forgiveness
Verse 13 says:
Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other… just as the Lord has forgiven you.
Paul acknowledges something important:
The Christian community is made up of imperfect people from all types of cultures and experiences. We aren’t a very large church yet we have 48 nations represented here. 48 different cultures, individual personalities, and experiences. Should we be surprised when there are misunderstandings?
They are inevitable.
But how we respond matters deeply. Paul says we must:
a. Bear with one another in love - means we understand that we live in a world filled with tension and strife, everyone is carrying their own burdens, struggling with their own weaknesses, wrestling with their own personal conflicts. Bearing with one another means we stay engaged even when relationships are difficult at times, recognize that everyone is still a work in progress and so we are not demanding perfection but allowing room for growth. There will be issues from time to time, some things can be overlooked but others things need to be addressed honestly, biblically and lovingly. The Bible tells us to forgive each other quickly.
Eph 4:26-27 tells us not to let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. Don’t give the devil an opportunity for what? Don’t give him a place where hurts and offenses fester, don’t allow him to have a victory over your life. When we hold onto resentment, we give grudges ground to grow. When it grows it produces bitterness. Instead I place my hurts and offense into the hand of God and forgive. This takes away the power of the hurt and the pain.
I recently read a book that relayed a story about a woman who had lost her son to a drunk driver. She had bitterness against the man and this bitterness began to consume her life. A friend sent her a message that simply said: “Keep the wound clean. Don’t let bitterness infect it.” This is what the woman wrote:
“As I confessed my sin to the Lord, I asked Him to forgive me and help me cleanse the wound of anything which would keep it from healing properly: the anger, the bitterness, the frustration, the impatience. The desire for these attitudes to leave came immediately, but it took, and still takes, lots of work and determination to keep the festering from beginning again. I have spent much time in study and prayer, asking God to help me “keep the wound clean.”
And slowly, over time, healing began.
When there is an offense, a misunderstanding, a hurt, or a sin - the goal is not to downplay it or deny it ever happened. Our goal is to handle it God’s way and to keep the wound clean. How is that possible?
4. Let Christ’s love and His peace govern your heart
Verse 14 tells us: “Above all, put on love.”
It’s not natural love, it’s God’s love that empowers compassion, ignites kindness, produces gentleness, and gives us the strength to remain patient with each other. Like this woman, can continually bring our conflicts, hurts, offenses to the Lord, taking time in study and prayer because without love:
? Compassion can become conditional
? Kindness can become superficial
? Gentleness can become passive
? Humility can become self-serving
? Patience can become just reluctant tolerance
However, with love, these virtues become a unified expression of Christ's character.
Love is the relational glue of the Christian life.
God’s peace, in vv. 15-16, is not just the assurance of our salvation that comes through accepting Christ’s sacrifice for our sin. It’s a peace that permeates our whole being when cultivated through prayer, through the Word and through fellowship in the body of Christ. God’s peace is like an umpire who judges which thoughts, emotions, actions, decisions are healthy and which are not.
…And you can only know that when you let His word dwell in you richly. Paul is not describing casual exposure to Scripture. He is describing Scripture taking up residence in the believer’s life. “Richly” means:
? abundantly
? deeply
? fully
When God’s Word saturates the believer’s heart, mind, attitudes, and behavior, the Holy Spirit takes it and shapes our character, guides our responses, and governs our relationships.
In truth, the hardest place to live out Colossians 3 is not with strangers, it’s with the people who are closest to us. The people:
? we love and live with
? we work with
? we worship with
Paul said: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18).
Ask yourself these questions:
1. Is there someone whom you can show compassion, kindness, gentleness and patience towards?
2. Are there some offenses you can overlook? (lateness, forgetfulness, not meeting your expectations)
3. Is there someone you need to forgive? Not because they deserve it or have even repented—but because Christ forgave you. Forgiveness sets you free from the offense and the offender, it frees your heart from the prison of bitterness. It keeps the wound clean and allows you to live and love again.
4. Do you need to ask someone for forgiveness?
5. Lastly - What is ruling my heart right now? Is it the peace of God?
I know some of you have been asking God to answer certain prayers for years. Could it be that He’s not answering because there is something in your heart that shouldn’t be there? For example, could it be that you are holding something against your father, your mother, a sibling, a pastor or church leader, an old friend or acquaintance? Are you judging someone or living in unforgiveness and bitterness toward them?
If the Holy Spirit is bringing someone to your mind right now, someone that you need to have a conversation with, or someone you just need to forgive or ask forgiveness from, allow God to clean the wound and keep it clean. Sometimes restoration requires honest and humble communication. You may not control the outcome but you can take the first step.
We saw this in action today. Let’s not forfeit the opportunity to allow God’s healing to take place.
As those loved by God, we are called to put on Christlike character in our everyday relationships. When Christ’s peace rules our hearts and His Word and the Holy Spirit shapes our lives, we will become more sensitive to each other, putting others above ourselves, putting behind hurts and offenses, maturing together in grace and truth.
This week, let’s intentionally replace what’s ruling our hearts with the Word of Christ.
Stay in the Word.
Stay in communion with Christ through prayer.
Keep the wound clean.
