Finding Your "rtgo" When Coping With A Loss

(If you have found this sermon helpful, please visit us at www.HeritageRestorationProject.org or www.ChristianWisdom.info)

Several years ago I hired a young couple who were sure they could come in and successfully manage the restaurant at a resort hotel that I owned at the time. In the beginning they were optimistic, but as the difficulties of managing the business began to pile up, the weight of the challenge began to pull down. After a few months of no profit the wife began spending more time working elsewhere. There were days when I would find the husband just sitting and staring. And the kitchen became dirty, especially the refrigerator which eventually became enough of a health hazard that I had to intervene. At that point the husband resigned.

For a long time I thought this was a character flaw on their part. Having been in business for some time, I understood that 110% effort every day is necessary to make it work. These folk were obviously not cut from the same stock, not up to the challenge, or so it seemed to me. That just shows how wrong a person can be, and it is a good reason why retirement should not be embraced too early. There is still, even at what is normally considered to be “retirement age”, much to be learned.

The reason this young couple went into a funk was not so much a character flaw, and I regret that they may have detected that that is the way I felt about them at the time (and I certainly hope they won’t carry a sense of failure with them for the rest of their life because of it)—no, the reason was not a character flaw, the reason was that they were unable to find their RTGO, their Reason To Go On after the business began to slump. And here is where a Christian realizes his or her purpose… by recognizing the need for an RTGO and helping others find their reason to go on.

Stop and think of what people go through when they lose a loved one or experience other loss, or face other seemingly unsurmountable difficulties—the depression, the sense of aloneness, helplessness, futility and regret. Sometimes the entire personality of a grieving or beleaguered person can change. Some persons experience bitterness. Others might turn to reckless behavior. For some, mourning or regret becomes self-destructive, with potentially permanent consequences.

I still remember a man I met in a nursing home during my very first pastorate many years ago. This man’s name was Ben. While very frail, both he and his wife were still able to be in the same room in the nursing home, but Ben was racked with pain every day. Ben was a very bitter man who told me right away that he didn’t believe in God but it was alright for me to visit and even have a brief prayer, if I really wanted to. I soon learned that it wasn’t the excruciating back pain that was the reason for Ben’s bitterness. He was very philosophical about the back pain and endured it stoically. The reason for his bitterness was that, as he saw it, God had permitted his son to be killed as a young man in a farm accident years before. Ben blamed God, or at least hadn’t forgiven God for this loss. After the loss of his son, Ben had never really found his RTGO.

All of us experience loss but usually losing one’s RTGO is temporary. In many cases, however, it becomes a serious problem requiring much prayer, kindness and patience from others for the person who is grieving. Once every year on “All Saints Sunday” we formally remember and honor those who we have gone to be with the Lord. On this Sunday we strive to renew our trust in God who promises eternal life to those who love God. This, however, may not be quite enough to heal the lingering sense of loss. On the surface, in our outward expressions, it is enough “intellectually” because we know that it should be, at least that’s what we tell ourselves. But as the losses mount, as we lose more and more of our family and loved ones, as we experience more and more of life’s disappointments, as we experience the wounds of lost opportunities, lost health, and lost confidence, these wounds wear at us emotionally and spiritually and can potentially wear us down even to the point of robbing us of our RTGO. It is then that we must seek the intervention of God.

We start by turning this terrible problem over to God. Here is a prayer that you might use, excerpted from the Bible (Psalm 31:9-10, 14-15a, 16 RSV): “Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak. But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hands. Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love.” The answer that comes will be individual—there is no “one size fits all”.