Encouragement For Hurting Fathers On Father's Day

THE HURTING FATHER WHO CONTINUES TO BELIEVE IN GOD AND FINDS REST IN HIM

Having good memories of your father is a great blessing. Many times at family gatherings, the conversation with my father turned in the direction of: “Remember Dad, the time when we ...”, and then there was a good laugh about it. Like the time when we as preschool children dug such deep holes around our father's combi on the beach, that a tractor had to come and tow the combi out.

On Father's Day, a large part of the world makes time to pay tribute to fathers - to acknowledge the great role they play in their families' lives. I read on a site that a father “...makes all the difference in a child’s life. He’s a pillar of strength, support and discipline. His work is endless and, oftentimes, thankless. But in the end, it shows in the sound, well-adjusted children he raises.” (https://successresources.com/12-qualities-great-fathers-have)

This assumes that good fathers always have loving, well-adjusted children, and bad fathers have children who are rebellious and unloving, who lost their way because of the bad fathers they have had. And that's to simplify things over. Because there are also many fathers who have tried their best to be the best father possible, whose children then break their hearts because they loose the plot - and then justify themselves by blaming their fathers. I'm one of those dads who can join the conversation, as I am in the same boat...

To these hurting dads who often suffer in silence, I want to bring a message of encouragement today.

1. THE HURTING FATHERS...

Hurting dads have been with us from the beginning since Adam became the first dad.

• Adam with Cain (Genesis 4:8)

• Noah with Ham (Genesis 9:20-25)

• Isaac with Jacob (Genesis 27:20-30)

• Eli with Hophni and Phinehas (1 Samuel 2:12)

• David with Absalom (2 Samuel 15:10)

There will always be children who loose the plot and hurt their parents, who rebel, who humiliate, reject, write off, rob their parents, who take everything like a leech without giving anything back, yes, who even literally kill their parents...

There are many reasons for this:

• Wrong friends

• Alcohol and drugs

• Marrying the wrong partner

• Psychological disorders

• Reaction formation

These children often come from good, Christian parents' homes with excellent education, with loving parents who often sell themselves short and bend over backwards to give their children only the best... and then these children still come and turn their backs on their parents - like the parable of the lost son...

Then the fathers comes to me and asks:

• What did I do wrong?

• I tried so hard to give my child a good, Christian education

• I gave my child everything he/she needed

• I was there for my child

• I love my child

And yet relationships break down, my child rejects me, writes me off ... why?

These are questions I often ask myself too ...

But we as fathers are not always innocent.

We

• Make mistakes

• Do not always have the knowledge and experience and the equipment to raise children properly

• Acted to the best of our ability with the knowledge at our disposal at that time in our lives

• Often sit with all the baggage of how we grew up as children with our father as the only example

Many times these mistakes and shortcomings happened during the time we as fathers worked hard to take care of our families and then the family was neglected in the process - we were not there for them when they needed us.

However, this does not make us as fathers hurt less. We wrestle with the Lord about it - especially if you have believing children who act like this: Why does one child loose his/her way, and the other children in the family not? Why don’t they want to talk things out and forgive? We do not always understand this ...

Unfortunately, of course, there are also fathers who reject their children because they are not up to their standards, because they do not meet the father's expectations and aspirations ... children who get hurt terribly and live for the rest of their lives with these wounds. ..

As believing fathers, we, together with David, struggle with this in:

Psalm 6:6-7 “I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes.”

and

Psalm 4:1 “Answer me when I call to you, my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer.”

We pray, we wrestle with God, but do not always get answers. We go on living with the hurt and rejection ...