Emotional Intelligence: Taming Your Anger

Dr. Banner could tell when he was starting to go into this rage and warn people. "Don't get me mad or angry because the beast comes out in me." This doctor was not that far fetched from what you and I experience. Oh, have you ever had that green monster pop up in your life? Have you ever warned someone?

"Don't get me angry. You don't want to go there. This could get ugly. You don't want to see that side of me. Don't push me there."

That's because you know that when that monster emerges, explodes and comes out, you say things and do things that you normally wouldn't do. You go into this rage like the great hulk does. You can't control yourself. But then afterward or a couple of hours later, oh the regret that's there.

"How could I have done that? I'm sorry, that really wasn't me. I apologize. Really, I don't know what happened. I don't know what came over me. It's just my anger."

It's that incredible hulk inside of us. So let's look for a moment where destructive anger comes from and what it does.

James says, "Hey, I want you to know this. Listen, every one of you needs to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." Most of us have it all the opposite. We're quick to speak, slow to listen and quick to become angry. Have you ever noticed that he says slow to speak and quick to listen? Quick to listen and slow to speak, that's why you have two ears and one mouth so that you can listen double than what you speak, right? Quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Why slow to become angry?

Because when you become angry, man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. When you become angry, you typically misalign yourself with the will of God. You do things and say things and behave in ways that are not in line and in the center and purposes of God. For example, I recently talked to a fellow that came to me and was all broken up, and I said, "What happened?" He said,

"You know what? I'm at this job and witnessing to my co-workers. They know that I'm a Christian. I've been talking to them and inviting them to church. But then one of my co-workers just pushed my buttons too far. I'm embarrassed to say that I just flew off the handle. I said things and swore. I was just out of control. They all know that I'm a Christian and now I have to face them on Monday. But after all the work I've done to try and tell them about Jesus, for one or two moments of losing it, I think I've lost all the good ground."

Ninety percent of the time there are two underlying things or causes we get angry about. Number one is frustration. "I'm not happy with how things are. I'm frustrated so I become angry." Secondly is control. "I can't steer or affect how things are going so I become angry to try and control things."

Maybe you're frustrated over how the person is driving in front of you. You're in a hurry you think "Where did they buy their license? Who taught them how to drive? They shouldn't be on the road."

Honk, honk, honk! What's going on? You start yelling at yourself within the car and doing gestures that you shouldn't do. Why? Because you're frustrated that things aren't going the way that they should be going. You're at work and the project's going slow. People make mistakes and suddenly you blow up because it's just taking too long. You lose your patience and are frustrated because things aren't going the way that they should be going.