I think before we get started in this series called Emotional Intelligence, I have to say that I know that in this auditorium there are people on two extremes of the pendulum when it comes to emotions.
There are some of you here that are super emotional. You are very in touch with your feelings and make most of your decisions based on feelings. Your emotional nature affects the way you worship. It affects the way that you do Valentines Day. You have already bought a Valentine's card, chocolates and can't wait to give that along with a long romantic note. You see chick flicks and cry openly when you watch them. You trust feelings and go by feelings and lead your life often times by feelings.
Then on the other side of the pendulum there are those of you that have a strong distrust of feelings. You suppress your feelings and are much more cerebral in the way that you make decisions. Some people would call you stoic because you don't like to show your emotions. It comes out in the way you worship and comes out in the way you marry. It comes out in the way you express yourself. Anytime someone goes to hug you, it's like hugging a board.
So the question is, which is right? Is it all feelings or is it all brains, head and intellect? What is the right way to operate our lives? Well, I think that in order to find the answer, we have to go to Scripture and look at the way God originally designed us.
We were created in the image of God. The way that we're wired is after the creator himself. God gets angry. Did you know that? God gets sad. God gets happy and excited. He gets impatient. All of those emotions that you and I feel are already in God because God is the author of emotions. Therefore, God has given us emotions. So all the emotions that you feel right now and all the emotions that you've been through this week have been engineered by God.
What is Anger?
Having said that, whatever God creates, he creates good. We can pervert the good that God creates, but he creates it for a purpose. Today we're going to be talking about anger. Anger is not bad or good but neutral. Anger is merely an emotion. It's what happens in our anger that can be good or bad. God gets angry and God does not sin.
Anger is an emotion. What kind of emotion is it? Anger is the strong emotion accompanied by feelings of strong bursts of energy. It can be characterized by great displeasure, indignation, hostility, wrath and sometimes even rage. There have been a lot of characterizations of people that get angry; from blowing their lid off to a big red face or steam coming out of someone's head. What we know is that when you get angry, there is this pent-up energy that wants to explode, you want to do something with that energy. Anger is an emotion that can turn into a constructive force or a destructive force.
For example, let me give you a constructive, positive example of anger. A while back I saw on a television program with reporter, John Quiñones. The program is built around the idea of creating mock scenarios with actors.
In this particular scenario, they hired an actor that was a big man that acted as though he was intimidating a woman on a park bench, while shaking her and verbally abusing her. They were both actors but the people walking by didn't know they were actors. Most people walked by and tried to stay out of their way and did nothing about it. But there was one little lady who walked by that was a lot smaller than the big, strong guy that was intimidating this woman. She walked by, stopped and saw what was going on. She then confronted the big man by saying, "You should leave this woman alone. What are you doing? I'm going to call the police now."
You could tell, as she talked, she was getting more and more angry. Finally, she stood between this big guy and the woman. He towers two or three feet above her, but she's got her finger shaking in his face and saying, "You had better not touch her. I'm going to call the police." She was angry and in her anger, she took action for justice.
Now that's a positive. I'm sure that if she had not become angry, she probably wouldn't have dared to confront this big guy. But there's something about anger that gives you confidence, boldness and bursts of energy to do things that normally you would not do.
When Jesus first started his ministry, he walked into the temple grounds where there were money changers. Money changers would sell animals for sacrifice and also exchange foreign currency. The problem is that they were taking advantage of those that had travelled to offer their sacrifices. These pilgrims had come to worship at the temple, but they would take advantage of the fact that these people didn't have the Jerusalem currency, so they would exchange it for a high commission rate.
When Jesus saw what the money changers were doing to the poor worshippers, his anger surged. In fact, it says that Jesus, who is often times called meek, mild and gentle of spirit, began flipping over tables, driving animals out with a whip and scaring people out of the temple while shouting, "This is the house of God, and the house of God will not be a den of robbers. It will be a house of prayer for all the nations." Now where did that come from? It came from holy anger. There are times when anger can be used to change things that should be changed. It's a positive burst of energy that says, "This should not be this way. It needs to be changed!"
Most of the time, however, our anger is not righteous anger. Most of the time our anger is destructive anger revolving not around justice but around selfishness. Our desire to control and frustration with the way things are around us triggers our anger. Think about the last time that you got angry. Was it a righteous anger or was it a selfish anger? Come on, be honest.
So as we look at James Chapter One, I want to look at verses 19 through 21 as we talk about this whole idea of anger. So it says,
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
Now that's a powerful passage and let's break it down for a second so that we understand it. I'm talking about James 1:19-21.
1. DESTRUCTIVE ANGER
First of all, let's look at destructive anger and what it does.
I don't know if you ever saw the series called the Incredible Hulk. Now the main character in the Incredible Hulk was a fellow by the name of Dr. Daniel Banner who was a scientist in some sort of gone bad scientific experiment that had an effect on him so every time he became angry, something would begin to happen. Not only would his emotions surge, but there was this physiological change which would happen where suddenly this mild-mannered Dr. Banner would begin to bulk up. His pants and shirt would split, his eyes would turn green and he would turn into this muscle-bound monster of a hulk that would damage anything in front of it. He could throw you around like a little rag doll because rage would take over. The monster would come out, and you could never anticipate what the monster would do. The following morning when he would wake up from his rage in tattered clothes, he would barely remember what he had done and regret the damage that had occurred.
Dr. Banner could tell when he was starting to go into this rage and warn people. "Don't get me mad or angry because the beast comes out in me." This doctor was not that far fetched from what you and I experience. Oh, have you ever had that green monster pop up in your life? Have you ever warned someone?
"Don't get me angry. You don't want to go there. This could get ugly. You don't want to see that side of me. Don't push me there."
That's because you know that when that monster emerges, explodes and comes out, you say things and do things that you normally wouldn't do. You go into this rage like the great hulk does. You can't control yourself. But then afterward or a couple of hours later, oh the regret that's there.
"How could I have done that? I'm sorry, that really wasn't me. I apologize. Really, I don't know what happened. I don't know what came over me. It's just my anger."
It's that incredible hulk inside of us. So let's look for a moment where destructive anger comes from and what it does.
James says, "Hey, I want you to know this. Listen, every one of you needs to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." Most of us have it all the opposite. We're quick to speak, slow to listen and quick to become angry. Have you ever noticed that he says slow to speak and quick to listen? Quick to listen and slow to speak, that's why you have two ears and one mouth so that you can listen double than what you speak, right? Quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Why slow to become angry?
Because when you become angry, man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. When you become angry, you typically misalign yourself with the will of God. You do things and say things and behave in ways that are not in line and in the center and purposes of God. For example, I recently talked to a fellow that came to me and was all broken up, and I said, "What happened?" He said,
"You know what? I'm at this job and witnessing to my co-workers. They know that I'm a Christian. I've been talking to them and inviting them to church. But then one of my co-workers just pushed my buttons too far. I'm embarrassed to say that I just flew off the handle. I said things and swore. I was just out of control. They all know that I'm a Christian and now I have to face them on Monday. But after all the work I've done to try and tell them about Jesus, for one or two moments of losing it, I think I've lost all the good ground."
Ninety percent of the time there are two underlying things or causes we get angry about. Number one is frustration. "I'm not happy with how things are. I'm frustrated so I become angry." Secondly is control. "I can't steer or affect how things are going so I become angry to try and control things."
Maybe you're frustrated over how the person is driving in front of you. You're in a hurry you think "Where did they buy their license? Who taught them how to drive? They shouldn't be on the road."
Honk, honk, honk! What's going on? You start yelling at yourself within the car and doing gestures that you shouldn't do. Why? Because you're frustrated that things aren't going the way that they should be going. You're at work and the project's going slow. People make mistakes and suddenly you blow up because it's just taking too long. You lose your patience and are frustrated because things aren't going the way that they should be going.
On the other hand, you feel like you're losing control over something. You cannot manage the outcome of it so you become angry and explode in order to try and control the outcome. Now this leads to three destructive behaviors or results of anger that are destructive and here's what it looks like.
a) Destructive anger suppresses choice
Destructive anger suppresses choice. When we are angry, we tend to intimidate others and, in turn, do not allow them to be themselves. This is how it goes, folks.
You're talking with your wife while driving in the car, and she starts telling you that she thinks it was a bad choice for you to put money on the Bears two weeks ago because you lost the bet. You're trying to tell her you don't think it was a bad thing. You're a die-hard Bears fan, your parents have been and you think it was a good financial investment. She's saying, "We're short on rent and cash so please don't do that again with our money." You're trying to tell her it was a done deal and it was just the stinkin' quarterback. If he only would have done what he should have done. That Cutler, if he would have just done what he should have done at the time he should have done it, you would have won. It was a for sure investment and you don't know. She's saying, "No, I'm just telling you."
So you're arguing back and forth in the car but since she doesn't listen well and persists, finally the conversation escalates and escalates. Then at the moment where it's reached its tipping point, you slam on the brakes so that everybody in the car gets a little whiplash. You raise your voice with bulging eyes and raise your hand off the steering wheel and say, "I said I made the right decision." All the kids who are in the back seat playing on their electronics look up and are quiet. She looks at you, crosses her arms and for the next five minutes it's absolutely total silence. In your mind you think, "Ah ha, I've accomplished what I wanted to accomplish. I shut her up."
That, you did, but can I tell you this? You shut her up at a very high price because although you may have achieved immediate results, you have created long-term damage. Sometimes, in seeking a quick and immediate solution, we do damage in the long run. Although she has an opinion, she suppresses her opinion out of fear of the anger that surges inside of you. Now you may have never touched her or raised your hand at her, but the threat of violence and the raising of the voice and the pounding of things gives her an understanding that you're out of control. So you suppress and quiet her voice. Even though it's a dissenting voice, you shut her up.
You may do it with the children. You say go do this or that and they don't listen. "I'm going to count to three," and they don't listen. Finally when Mom loses it and starts yelling and screaming and going after them, "Now we had better listen because Mom's lost it." So you intimidate them out of fear, but they respond because you're angry. In turn, you start thinking that the only way you can get things done is by becoming angry. In that way, you turn into this parent where the only way you get things done at home is when you lose your temper. How many of you know what I'm talking about? We could take a whole other message to talk about parenting and how it shouldn't be the trigger of anger that makes them obey, but we're not going to go there this afternoon.
b) Destructive anger consumes others
Secondly, destructive anger consumes others. Not only does it suppress people but it consumes others and is the idol of control. Our inner kid is saying, "Mine, mine, mine." The first one suppresses them so that they don't give their opinion while the second one consumes others by really controlling them. Some people rage out of control when they feel like they're losing control, and their way for gaining control of life is to go out of control so that they can try to gain control of all things.
By the way, young ladies, can I say that if you're single and are dating here, could I just wave a really, really red flag of warning to you? Most young ladies really like to be cared for and feel that it's just charming if someone is concerned about them. So someone that's manipulative and controlling, when they first start dating, can come across as just caring a lot about you and your life.
So you're just pleased with them when they call up and say, "Hey, you were five minutes late. Are you okay? Who were you hanging with?" When you talk about a friend, they say, "Make sure that he's not a drug addict or people like that." You're then thinking, "They just care so much about me. They call me when I get home and before. They call me and track me and are concerned about me and where I'm at and where I'm driving and what's going on. It's just so nice to have someone that cares so much about every detail of my life."
How charming it is until you get into it a little bit and start discovering that this nice, caring attitude starts to evolve into a manipulative, controlling and hyperjealous attitude. You know you're in trouble when the person that you're dating starts isolating you from all of your significant relationships and is against your family, your friends, people at church and anybody that you get close to and want to make sure that they are the only relationship in your life. Now let me tell you this. You had better start backpedaling fast out of that kind of relationship because you will be in trouble. How many women I've talked to that are in intimidating relationships?
I was at church one time at IIT(IL Inst of Technology) when we were having services there, and after service, a panic-stricken and frightened young lady came up to me and said, "Pastor, help me." I said, "Tell me, how can I help you?" She said, "See my boyfriend back there?" They were both college students getting degrees in engineering and she said, "I'm afraid for my life right now." I said, "Tell me what's going on." She said, "He just hung my cat this morning in front of me because I'm not doing what he wants me to do, and he's threatened my life. I'm not sure that I can leave this auditorium without being physically dealt with."
He was standing right there and looking to try and see what we were talking about. Thank God for big ushers, right? I motioned to some of the biggest ushers that I had that were a couple of bikers and tattooed-up guys. They came over and I said, "See that guy over there? This lady's going to be led to the parking lot while you kind of keep him in the auditorium because he needs to worship a bit longer." Security at IIT had to intervene and I was kind of happy when they actually threw him up against the wall. But this woman broke out of that relationship. She had been in this relationship out of fear for her life fueled by anger.
c) Destructive anger condemns others
Thirdly, destructive anger condemns others. Often times it's anger with bursts of energy that wants to do harm to people and seeks violence or harbors anger. It's what Cain did to Abel out of jealousy and was the first murder recorded in Scripture. That's destructive anger.
2) CONSTRUCTIVE ANGER
On the other hand, there's also constructive anger. It's that anger that I talked about earlier. It's the anger that surges up inside of us when something has to be done. Martin Luther the reformer, and not Martin Luther King the Civil Rights reformer, that started the Lutheran movement in the 15th Century is quoted as saying, "I never get anything done until I get angry." It was that positive energy to bring about change and reformation. Listen, there are things worth getting angry about.
If you are going to keep anger constructive than you need to understand a few things about this energy we call anger.
a) Anger seldom leads to the righteous life that God desires.
There are things that should stir our temper a bit. It's the sex slave trafficking that happens in this nation and Thailand and Africa. We should be angry that women are sold as pieces of property in sexual slavery. That should make us a little angry. We should be angry about the orphans that were created in Uganda by Joseph Coney* who slaughtered their parents and left 30,000 orphans as he took them as child soldiers into his devilish army and left them that way. Those things should make us angry. We should be angry at the abuse of people in this nation that are undocumented immigrants that often times are paid way below what they should be paid, abused and held in these semi-slavery conditions for work labor.
We should be angry about parents or stepfathers or others that sexually abuse the innocent. We should be angry about women that get abused and have to go to these shelters because someone cannot control themselves and intimidates. We should be angry about the hundreds of young Latino and African-American young people that get shot in senseless gang violence in this city every year. I mean, there are things that should make our blood boil but seldom are we angry about those things.
What we're angry about are such things as who took our parking space, or why do you have the TV remote when I want to watch American Idol and you have CSI on? Seriously, there are things that should make us angry and energize us. Most of what we're angry about has to do with frustration and control and not about issues of justice and rightness that anger the heart of God.
There are a lot of Scriptures that indicate God became angry, and I don't have time to look at all of them today. There are hundreds and hundreds of them that you can look up in your Bible concordance or Google them. But just a few to mention, Jeremiah 7:20 says,
20 "Therefore, thus," says the Lord God. "Behold my anger and my fury shall be poured out."
This is God saying to the people, "Hey, look at my anger. I'm angry because of this."
Do you know that even Jesus became angry? I already referenced the time in the temple. It says in Mark 3:5 that Jesus looked around them in anger, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts. He looked around a crowd in a situation where they were unwilling to believe and do what's right. So it says that he looked around at them in anger. Jesus, the son of God, became angry.
Anger leads us to change at the right kind of moment, but often times it's destructive anger in our life. So what do we need to know about anger? Well, it tells us in James 1:21, "Therefore. . ." Any time that you see the word therefore in the Bible, you need to ask yourself, "What is it there for?" Basically the word "therefore" means I'm building on the previous thought or consequently or because I've explained all this, now this. He's just talked about how anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires so goes on and says, "Since anger does not bring out the righteous life that God desires, now this is what you need to do about it," and he gives us some action steps to put into practice and notice what he says.
21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
ILLUS: Now I have the dubious distinction at my house of being the bathtub unclogger. Any time the bathtub's clogged, my wife, my daughter or my sons say, "Dad, the bathtub's clogged." If I say I don't take a bath in that bathroom, it doesn't matter. I still have that job and I know what's going to happen when I go to unclog the bathtub. I go to the bathtub and do what anybody in the family could do but it's my job and I have the title. I stick my fingers down there and will spare you the gruesome details.
But as I begin to pull out, it's always the same thing I'm pulling out, long, black hair. Now I can guarantee you that it is not my hair. It's not mine. My daughter and my wife have long, black hair. Now I have to unclog it. It's nasty, soap and dirt because everything has gone down there. But once I unclog it and take all that gook out of there, then I turn on the water and Voila! it works just fine because the filth has been unclogged.
So it is with our souls. Often times James is saying, "Your souls have been clogged by moral filth, and that moral filth is the fuel that ignites the fire of anger in your spirits." Now where did that moral filth come from?
Well, we all have a history. In our history, there are things that happen to us. As things happen to us, we get hurt, resentful, angry or doubtful, whatever it is that may happen, if we fail to properly deal with issues in our past, it turns to moral filth that then becomes the gateway to chronic anger issues in our life. Ah, let me give you a picture such as when you get a splinter in your finger.
ILLUS: A few years back my son Grant was about six years old and got a splinter in his finger and was overdramatizing his splinter experience. He ran in from the backyard saying, "Dad, I don't want to die, I don't want to die." I looked at him and he had a splinter in his finger. I said to him, "Son, you're not going to die. It's just a splinter." "No, no. Dad, help me." "Where are the tweezers and the pin?"
Of course, it's a little more dramatic as you put a little pin under fire to make sure there's no bacteria. He sees the pin coming at him and immediately says, "No, Dad, no." "I need to do this, son. You will feel better." "Ah, ouch." "Son, I haven't even touched you yet." "I know, but you're going to." How many of you parents can relate to that? Now here's the thing about a splinter in your finger. The thing about a splinter in your finger is that your body produces the feeling of pain. Why? Because there is a foreign element in your body that your body is saying this does not belong in your body. If you leave it there, it could bring damage or infection. Therefore, there is pain to tell you to get it out.
Now the pain is not pleasant, but it is important that the pain is there because the pain reminds us that there is a foreign object that needs to be extricated from our body or could lead to further infection. It's our body's way of telling us that something needs to be done.
The soul is the same way. When you have foreign elements in your soul that have been deposited there by traumatic or bad experiences, chronic anger will flare up telling you there's something that needs to be taken out. If you have chronic anger, and that means ongoing anger issues in your life, it's usually a big indicator there is moral filth that somehow has gained a foothold in your life and needs to be eradicated from your life or you will continue to experience explosions of anger.
Now it's not pleasant to have that pain, but that pain of anger is there to tell you to deal with it and there's something that has to be dealt with. Maybe it's the abandonment by a father when you were young. Maybe it's sexual abuse by an uncle that happened. Maybe it's being driven by guilt from a parent. Maybe you were raped in college or whatever the issues may be. I don't know what the issues are, but often times if there's chronic, explosive anger, it's because there are issues of moral filth in our life that need to be taken out. Therefore, you have to go to the root in order to stop the pain.
Now I don't have time this afternoon to get into all the issues of how we get to the root of things. But I do want to say that if you have chronic anger issues that affect your family, your marriage, your children and your life and you don't want to be that way, then you need to determine "I will take action to take out the root." If you say to me, "I'm just going to work on not being angry," I can guarantee you that will not work. You will become angry again. If it was that easy, you would have done it 20 years ago. You've been working on this for 25 years and are still angry.
Therefore, what it's telling me is that you need help from the outside. You need either counseling by a good Christian counselor or you may need a group that's going to help you identify these things. We have two anger management groups that happen at this church. One is for women and the other for men and may be a good place for you to start if you have issues that you may want to deal with in those areas. But do not just sweep it under the rug because you will not deal with it, and the long-term effect, the people that will pay the biggest price are the people who you love the most and get close to. The blast is the strongest with those who are closest to you. I guarantee it, so deal with it.
Secondly, not only do you have to deal with the root of it but let me give you a couple of things that you need to know about anger while you deal with the root. It's like alcoholism. Your drinking too much is not the root of the problem. Your drinking too much is a problem, but the real issue is what leads you to drink? Now you can't deal with the root of what leads you to drink until you stop drinking because your drinking and your drunkenness will sabotage the process. So until you get sober, you're not going to be able to deal with the root issues. You will have to get sober to deal with the root issues. Now just becoming sober doesn't mean you've dealt with the issues.
Anger is the same way. You have to deal with the issues of what made you angry. But while you are dealing with the issues, you have to be able to manage your anger so you're not blowing up at everybody. Now let me give you a couple of quick things about anger.
First, as I told you before, anger seldom leads to the righteous life that God desires so be slow to anger as it says in James 1:19-20.
b) Anger should have a time limit
Secondly, anger should have a time limit. Ephesians 4:26 says,
26 In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
When you start becoming angry, the time clock starts. The Bible says that your time clock should be when the son goes down. By the time it goes down, you should have dealt with your anger. That's another way of saying deal with it that day. I've told you before that when I want to pick a good fight with my wife, I start early in the morning. In that way, I have all day to be mad at her. So deal with it that day.
c) Anger can often be defused with gentle words
Thirdly, anger can often be defused with gentle words. Proverbs 15:1 says,
1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.
How many of you know that when you're angry, you want to fight? You want someone to fight with you. When you're angry, you want to get someone else to be angry at you, as well, and fight.
"Come on, you want to beat me? Come on."
Your anger is like this, I've got this energy and now I want to fight with someone. The Bible says that a soft answer turns away wrath. So if you're around an angry person, learn not to fall into the bait of trying to stir it up.
d) Anger that explodes quickly leads to foolish decisions.
Number four, anger that explodes quickly leads to foolish decisions. Proverbs 14:29 says,
29 He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding. Whoever is patient has great understanding,
but one who is hasty of spirit exalts folly.
When you get angry quickly, you are exalting foolishness and will make dumb decisions.
e) Anger can lead to false confidence and boldness in decision making.
Number six, anger can lead to false confidence and boldness in decision-making. Proverbs 14:16 says,
16 The wise man fears and departs from evil, but a fool rages and is confident.
How many of you know that when you're angry, you get over-confident and make dumb decisions? I've seen guys full of anger that want to take on 20 guys. "Okay. Come on, right now. All of you come on. I'll take all of you on."
It makes you overbold and confident when you're angry, and you will make foolish decisions in your anger.
f) Anger should be examined to see where it is coming from.
Number seven, anger should be examined to see where it's coming from and says in Psalms 4:4,
4 In your anger, do not sin. When you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.
I'm not sure if the author was talking to married couples, knowing if they got angry, they'd be on separate beds. In essence, what it's saying is search your hearts and be quiet and examine where did this anger come from? Be honest with yourself and stop blaming someone else for your anger.
Husbands, if you're telling your wife, "You're making me do this. See, you made me do that." Listen, don't tell me that. You need to take responsibility for your anger. If you're angry and explode, it is your issue and no one else's issue around you. Take responsibility for your own anger. Stop telling someone else that they pushed your buttons and made it happen. It is your responsibility.
g) Anger is a learned behavior so avoid those that model it.
Number eight. Anger is a learned behavior so avoid those who model it. Proverbs 22:24-25 says,
24 Do not associate with one given to anger and with a wrathful man, do not keep company,
25 lest you learn his ways and get yourself in a snare.
Anger is a learned behavior. Some of you are angry with the way that you manage your household and because you learned this anger from your parents. Your household was angered and explosive so now you are explosive. You are teaching it to your children and it is your inheritance you're passing on that is not a good inheritance.
Therefore, someone needs to break the cycle. So stop blaming it on I'm half Italian and half Irish and we're all angry. Stop blaming it on that and realize it's a learned behavior. If there's someone who is always angry around you, you need to start pulling away from that individual because you may learn angry behavior.
h) Anger is an emotion that must be managed and controlled.
Lastly, anger is an emotion that must be managed and controlled. It says in Proverbs 29:11,
11 A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.
There are some of you here that have been angry for as long as you can remember and have chronic anger issues. Your marriage is paying the price. Your children are paying the price. Your co-workers are paying the price, and you're paying the price. Do you realize that you're 2.3 times more likely to have a heart attack when you become angry than not? Your body was not made to sustain ongoing anger and it damages your spirit, as well. So there are some of you here that need to determine today and say,
"Pastor Mark, I realize that there's a thorn in my soul that needs to be pulled out that does not belong there. There's a thorn in my soul, and I purpose before God, for the good of my family, my friends, my relatives and my own spirit, that I will dig to the root of this thorn and this filth and pull it out because I do not want to live with this chronic, ongoing and exploding issue of anger in my life. I want to deal with it. While I dig it out, I will do whatever I can in my power not to damage the people around me. If I have to take a walk when we're getting in a conversation, I will do so. If I have to take a jog or punch a punching bag at the gym or count to ten or say the alphabet backward or take deep breathing classes or walk out of the room . . .."
Whatever you need to do so that when you explode, you're not around people that you love, just do it.
Conclusion: Anger is an emotion that can be used for good purposes. Make sure when this energy surges that you channel it God's way for constructive purposes.
