Amnon Assaults His Sister Tamar: How To Heal From Past Abuse Series

Family drama, I’ve seen it in my family and in many other families. I’ve arbitrated disputes between sisters. I’ve worked with families during funerals where there are arguments and disagreements. I’ve seen some seriously terrible things happen in families. Family is tough. Very tough, and in this situation we’re looking at tonight. It’s not just family drama. I’ve seen family drama. This is simple evil that happens here. But I think we can learn from what happens, on how to live our lives more faithfully.

We’re going to be looking at 2nd Samuel 13 which deals with an ugly affair that takes place amongst the family and children of King David. 1st and 2nd Samuel simply document the history of Saul and David’s lives. It tells what really happened. It doesn’t hide any of the ugly things that happened. This is one of those ugly things that happened.

These events do depict sexual assault, so I want to be put that out there right now. So if you need to step out, please feel free to do so. Life is sometimes difficult. Life is sometimes traumatic. And we’ve all been through things that are painful and even evil.

It underlines for us just how sinful sin really is and how destructive sin can be.

If the history of your family was written down in books, and didn’t hide any of the ugly details, what would we read about? Would there be some pretty dark moments? I know that would be true for my family. What about yours? I’ve spoken to many people who tell me things that happen behind closed doors. And it just always reinforces to me the fact that we all need Jesus Christ to change us and make us different people.

It says this in verses 1-4: In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.

2 Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.

3 Now Amnon had an adviser named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. 4 He asked Amnon, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?”

Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”

Here we see something very ugly, Amnon is obsessed and infatuated with his own sister. That’s what we call incest. It’s an ugly thing. But, we know that God is greater than any human desire.

If Amnon had gone to God about this, and asked for God’s help, I’m sure God would’ve helped him. The feeling might not have gone away, but he would’ve had the strength to resist the urge to take his own sister.

We all have urges within us that we say no to. We feel an urge to do something. But our mind and heart tells us, no, that’s wrong, don’t do that. And we stop ourselves, and we don’t do it. Harboring the desire itself is not a sin, remember that. Acting on it, or fantasizing about it, that’s a sin. But a desire itself is not blameworthy.

Being tempted to sleep with someone is not a sin. Doing it, or fantasizing about it, then it becomes a sin. Then we need to ask God’s forgiveness. Being tempted to cheat on our spouse is not a sin. It’s not. But, fantasizing about it, or doing it, then it’s a sin. Having homosexual desires is not a sin in itself. Fantasizing about those desires, or acting on them, is a sin. But, actually doing it, or fantasizing about it, now it’s a sin, and you need to ask forgiveness. Being tempted to masturbate is not a sin. But fantasizing about it, or doing it, now it’s a sin. Do you understand?

For Amnon he doesn’t fight off the desire, and turn to God. Instead he talks with his advisor and begins to plot how to commit the sin.

It says this next: verses 5-11 “Go to bed and pretend to be ill,” Jonadab said. “When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.’”

6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, “I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand.”

7 David sent word to Tamar at the palace: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him.” 8 So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it. 9 Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat.