How To Be An Exceptional Wife Series

This morning I want to talk to women whose need hope. I want to speak to women who are married to men who are not converted to Christ. And Peter has some very unusual counsel for godly women married to ungodly men. He tells them to submit to such men! Talking to women about being gentle, quiet, and fearless, as counsel against the tides of ungodliness seems nonsensical. Yet, when we pause to think about Christianity, there is a number of things that seem to be nonsensical. Jesus said the last shall be first, if you want to find your life, lose your life… and the greatest among you is the one who serves.

On this Mother’s Day the need for godly mothers is tremendous. Why? Godly mothers are needed to influence ungodly men. Peter’s strategy is that you would submit, demonstrate purity in all that you do, and adorn yourselves internally with gentleness and quiet spirit. More than anything Peter calls on you to place your hope in God. If we are to resurrect our marriages from the rocks, we’ll need to turn our attention to God’s directions (the inventor) of marriage.

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening” (1 Peter 3:1-6)

Reading such a text in today’s culture can make some of us hyperventilate. Instead of having a knee-jerk reaction to such a text, let’s carefully consider its merits and postpone our judgments for the next few moments. In this section of the Peter’s letter, Peter has summarized our relationship to government authorities who are hostile to us (1 Peter 2:13-17). And he has also told how servants are to relate to abusive masters (1 Peter 2:18-25).

Peter first turns his attention to wives and later to husbands. When Peter says to be submissive, he’s not alone for at least three other NT passages repeat the same instructions. Paul writes the following:

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” )Ephesians 5:22-25).

“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18).

There is great deal of misunderstanding today about what it means when the Bible says wives are to “be submissive” to their husbands.This text is very helpful for correcting wrong understandings and practices.

WHAT DOES SUBMISSION NOT MEAN?

1. Don’t Assign Your Husband the Place of Christ

The whole context of the passage we are examining assumes that allegiance to Christ takes priority over all human allegiance. Peter gives a clue as to what he is talking about when he says: “Be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution” (1 Peter 2:13a). When Sara calls Abraham “lord” in verse its lord with a little “l” in verse six. “as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening” (1 Peter 3:6). It's like “sir.” Her obedience to the little “l” is filtered through the big “L.” Wives are to give their allegiance to Christ before their husbands. Ungodly husbands will not get this as he has a different set of ideas on the world works.

2. Don’t Give Up Independent Thought

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct” (1 Peter 3:1-2)

Peter speaks directly to wives, not to the husbands so that they can tell their wives what the Apostle Peter says. The custom of the day expected that a wife would normally adopt the husband’s religion. This practice placed Christian wives married to non-converted husbands in a difficult position. Peter does not succumb to this cultural understanding of the wife’s intelligence where she would blindly submit to her husband’s views on religion and God. Instead, Peter assumes that she will hear, ponder, understand and respond to God’s Word on her own. Verse one tells us that some wives have chosen to follow Christ in opposition to their husband’s thoughts. These wives have thought the matter through and departed from their husband’s way of thinking on this issue of supreme importance. Submission does not mean agreeing with everything your husband says. You can see that in verse one that she is a Christian and he is not. He has one set of ideas about ultimate reality. She has another. Peter calls her to be submissive while assuming she will not submit to his view of the most important thing in the world – God. Submission does not mean leaving your brain or your will at the wedding altar. The Christian wife should try to influence her husband to become a Christian.