Contributed by Sermon Central on Apr 12, 2007
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"There are two things, the actual and the ideal. To be mature is to see the ideal and live with the actual. To fail is to accept the actual and reject the ideal; and to accept only that which is ideal and refuse the actual is to be immature. Do not criticize the actuial because you have seen the
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Contributed by Ted Harvey on Jul 31, 2009
WRITE IT DOWN
Ma and Pa were sitting on the porch swing. Ma asked Pa to go down to the drug store and buy her an ice cream sundae with chocolate syrup. And she told him to write it down because he wouldn’t remember it. He told her he would not write it down; he didn’t need to write it down; he
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Baptist
Contributed by Bradley Kellum on Aug 10, 2009
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FROG PRINCE
An 80 year-old woman was walking down the main street in her hometown one evening when she heard a low voice say, "Hey lady."
She looked around to see who was talking but upon seeing nobody there she shrugged it all off and continued walking. Before she got another five feet, she
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Baptist
Contributed by Melvin Newland on Sep 3, 2009
OLD FAT BALD HERO
One of the great sports stories of the decade of the 1990’s was of George Foreman regaining the heavyweight boxing championship of the world. At age 45, George Foreman, more than a decade past the prime of most fighters, knocked out his opponent, Michael Moore, and regained the
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Christian/Church Of Christ
Contributed by Melvin Newland on Sep 3, 2009
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After he retired, one man wrote,
I get up in the morning, and I dust off my wits.
I go out, get the paper, and I read the obits.
If my name is missing, I know I’m
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Christian/Church Of Christ
Contributed by Ross Cochrane on Dec 15, 2009
My grandmother lived until she was 108. Now that is a long life! At 90 I remember her going on expeditions with a lapidary club. She loved collecting rocks and climbing mountains and walking for incredible distances. She would talk about the old people in the nursing home in which she lived. They
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Evangelical/Non-Denominational
Contributed by Johnny Creasong on Dec 28, 2009
based on 3 ratings
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A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose
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Church Of God
Contributed by Rodelio Mallari on Nov 14, 2010
LIFE EXPECTANCIES
The highest present-day life expectancy belongs to the women in Norway (77 years) and the men in Sweden (72 years).
In most European countries and the Americas, men and women can expect to live to be over 60. On the other hand, most African countries report life expectancy of
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*other
Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 15, 2010
THE £1.50 HEARING AID
An elderly man stopped at a hearing aid centre and asked about prices. The salesman said, "We have them from £25,000 down to £1.50."
"What's the £25,000 one like?"
The salesman said, "Well, it translates three languages."
"And what about the one for £1.50?"
"It's this
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Brethren
Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 21, 2010
GREY HAIRS
A little girl sat on the bed pestering her mum with questions while mum was in a hurry to get changed and go out. Watching her mother looking in the mirror and plucking out the grey hairs on her head she asked, "Mummy, why do you have some grey hairs?"
Her mother replied, "Because
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Brethren
Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 23, 2010
You know when you are growing old when...
* Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work,
* Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
* Your back goes out more often than you do.
* You know all the answers but no one asks the questions.
* Your mind makes agreements your body can't keep.
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Brethren
Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 29, 2010
THE CURE
Mrs Smith was so happy: "I’ve cured my husband of biting his nails."
I replied, "How did you manage to do that?"
"Simple,"
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Brethren
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